what lengths would you go to to give your child a SAHM/D?

feelinggood_2

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dizziblonde wrote: »

we live within the means for us to survive if I didn't work - so I just basically pay for the luxuries in life anyway.

Thats what we've done. The plan always was for OH to work, and for me to be a stay-at-home Mum (till youngest is at least 11). Because of this, we've always lived on his wage, and treated anything I can earn as extra 'spends'.

Thinking about what else I'd be willing to do, I'd do what other females in my family have done and take on little extra work - my Mum did soldering from home when I was little, my Gran used to sew and do laundry, and a few have done childminding.

ella_ella_ella

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OrkneyStar wrote: »

Claim it now ....and I am sure they can backdate three months (if you post on the benefits board someone can confirm this).
I think the people who have been surviving on a low income (and not getting into debt) can sometimes make the transition to one wage and some tax credits easier because they are used to having less in the first place. If you are used to a high joint income (and so have high mortgage etc) then it does seem a huge drop. This said if you earn more then you have potential to be able to save something before child comes along!
TBH I think it can also be affected by where you live and whether houses are cheaper....our mortgage on a 3 bed seems to be a lot less than others in different areas (this said our fuel and shopping costs more!).
hth

I agree with that, before I fell pregnant I was only working part time, I left early on and at the same time hubby landed another job which paid almost double my wage more than his old job. We now have a bigger house, bigger outgoings, better cars and a baby but seem to be better off than we have been in the last 10 years, prehaps its because we watch what we spend more and work as a team now we have our daughter...

duchy

feelinggood wrote: »

I'd do anything apart from having a lodger. I think that would be too big of a safety issue with a baby/child in the house. Other than that, I'd be willing to do anything to ensure I can stay at home with my Son.

Never found my baby that dangerous personally !!

I am soooo tired of the SAHM attitude of "It must be one or the other". Plenty of mother's do both -either by working from home or by cutting hours. I did it myself -my jobs went from no hours to three days a week to shift work of evenings/weekends and nights so there was always a parent home. I still do it now as I now have two jobs both of which are based from home.
People will do what they feel is appropriate for their family-and what is appropriate one year may not be the same the next as both children and financial needs change or even a woman who thought she'd adore been at home didn't find it be what she expected. Until you've done it-you really don't know how it is going to work out. Of course some people are just grateful to have jobs at all in this current climate and don't feel they can afford to be picky.

SusanC_2

ella_ella_ella wrote: »

£10.50 isnt a lot of money but I guess it all helps. When a landlord states no DSS does that mean benefits of any sort or just for the rent? We have just moved to a NO DSS, NO PETS, NO SMOKING, PROFFESIONALS ONLY house and wouldnt want to risk it for the sake of £10.

What they mean is they don't want people who are living off benefits - they're not going to kick you out for CTC.

OrkneyStar

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duchy wrote: »

I am soooo tired of the SAHM attitude of "It must be one or the other".

To be fair this 'one or othter' attitude comes from lots of different places, not just SAHM's.

duchy wrote: »

People will do what they feel is appropriate for their family-and what is appropriate one year may not be the same the next as both children and financial needs change or even a woman who thought she'd adore been at home didn't find it be what she expected

I do agree though that people will do as they feel appropriate (for their family) and that this may change over time. There is no real right or wrong, as long as the child is fed, loved and cared for by someone who has their well being high up the list of priorities.

duchy wrote: »

Of course some people are just grateful to have jobs at all in this current climate and don't feel they can afford to be picky.

As for affording to be picky, I do understand your point, however I think part of Weezl's question was what have people done so they can afford to be picky (or a bit more picky!) ?

dizziblonde

duchy wrote: »

I am soooo tired of the SAHM attitude of "It must be one or the other".

My mum brought me up to believe in the career woman having it all ideal... now she'll turn around to you and say "I did it, it was cr.p - I regret running myself completely ragged trying to be everything to everyone and I think you in particular suffered for it" (I spent a lot of my childhood basically being a second parent to my baby brother after my father got caught with his pants down and walked out... used to get the bus to town to do the family shop aged about 11 and things like that). If we ever DO get lucky with TTC after pushing 2 years... economically anyway it doesn't make sense for me to work without a secure post (casual agency work isn't predictable enough to fork out for childcare), and I've got no intention of giving a kid of mine the childhood I had where I was essentially covering the gaps in my mother running herself ragged.
It's my choice though, and only because the sums add up because I earn so little anyway. If I earnt decent money and we lived according to that I think things would be different.

efrieze

Unfortunately, the more you earn, the more you have to lose if you don't go back to work. Both myself and my husband earn very good wages and we could just about live on one salary but choose not to. We want to be saving for our future and able to afford private nurseries and private schools and holidays etc if necessary and that means both of us working full time. My DD is a happy child and enjoys her pre-school anda fter school activities and my work is flexible so I can still take her there sometimes and attend her events if applicable. DD2 due this month and I will take just 5 months off (whilst doing a bit from home during my ML). Each to his own.

skintchick

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In a funny kind of way, I'm glad I was made redundant in early pregnancy, beause OH and I have been living off just his wage for months now, so when I get my MA and CTC and CB we will actually have more money which will feel nice.

OrkneyStar

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efrieze wrote: »

Unfortunately, the more you earn, the more you have to lose if you don't go back to work. Both myself and my husband earn very good wages and we could just about live on one salary but choose not to. We want to be saving for our future and able to afford private nurseries and private schools and holidays etc if necessary and that means both of us working full time. My DD is a happy child and enjoys her pre-school anda fter school activities and my work is flexible so I can still take her there sometimes and attend her events if applicable. DD2 due this month and I will take just 5 months off (whilst doing a bit from home during my ML). Each to his own.

Of course it is entirely your choice to make .
Can I ask though, why do you feel private nurseries and schools are so important for your child ?
These are things I would not even consider tbh, partly because they don't really exist here, but partly because I think it is a waste of money.
I don't mean to offend you, am genuinely interested .

OrkneyStar

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dizziblonde wrote: »

If we ever DO get lucky with TTC after pushing 2 years...

Sorry if this is off topic, but sending you lots of baby vibes, lets hope it happens for you .