what lengths would you go to to give your child a SAHM/D?

Baileys_Babe

Having a lodger

dizziblonde wrote: »

If we ever DO get lucky with TTC after pushing 2 years

My thoughts are with you, good luck TTC.:grouphug:

We TTC for nearly 10 years before DS was conceived. It is heart breaking whilst TTC, but very worth it if sucessful.

*Louise*

OH working longer hours/applying for better paid jobs

Lifestyle change/loss of treats and luxuries
Adding to/extending term of debt/mortgage
OH working longer hours/applying for better paid jobs

I have been a SAHM for 7 years, my kids are 9, 4 and 2. I used to work part time when we just had our eldest but it just wasn;t working out re. childcare arrangements.

We don't go on expensive holidays, we stay within the UK, few days here and there and loads of days out during the summer hols. I would say that's the only luxury we don't have though, but considering neither hubby or I are sun lovers, we don't feel like we're missing out.

When we moved house a couple of years ago, we just took the mortgage over 25 years again, that way we have a bit extra money while the kids are still young.

OH was working long hours in a well paid job, then he got made redundant earlier this year. Cue a hectic few weeks, until he found a new job, which was pretty close to his old pay (he told them he couldn't work for less than a certain amount, so they raised the salary to get him on board) but the bonus is he is home at 5.30pm instead of 7pm every day. :j


I do understand the need for some mums to get out and work, you can go crazy being in the same routine every day - so I do voluntary work with a local youth group, a couple of nights away and the odd weekend now and then, keeps me active and gets me away from it all for a bit of a change.

sarymclary

Downshifting groceries

We gave up just about everything to afford for me to be at home. Stopped going out, cut right back on food bills, accepted any offer of 2nd hand clothes, etc.

I felt very strongly about if I had children I was going to stay at home to raise them. I was left from a young age with childminders, etc. by my mother, who went back to work for monetary and personal fulfillment reasons. She may have been more fulfilled, I was absolutely miserable. We may have had nice holidays abroad, when my friends' families were camping in Yarmouth, or just staying home, but I'd have gladly sacrificed them to see my parent at the school gates morning and afternoon, and having my tea cooked for me.

It was a huge struggle after our 1st baby had been born, and I was already pregnant with no.2. Mortgage interest rates had shot up to 17%, we were mid-recession, and DH's job changed and meant a wage cut. The responsibility on him was enormous, and I supported any career move he wanted to make. We went abroad where more lucrative work was, and whilst very isolating for me, did help his career enormously.

What I think it did do was to create a feeling of team work, and both of us had very defined roles, supporting one another. Staying at home doesn't necessarily mean you sit watching daytime TV all the time. I undertook all the home maintenance, DIY, paying bills, budgeting, etc. DH had to go to work, and I took care of everything else.

The downside is that almost 18 years later, picking my own career back up again isn't easy, or even a realistic possibility. However, I am frequently told how well-mannered, bright, personable, charming, etc. my children are. They are very secure, happy boys (I have 4), who I know appreciate the security their homelife has offered them. In fact it I'm not home, my 17 y/o still rings me to ask where I am, as he likes coming in to find me here, and then we have a chat about his day.

I'd still choose to do it the same way, even if it does mean that the career I might have liked for myself isn't to be, because the end result of how they have turned out is exactly what I wanted.

I've never had to miss an assembly or school open day, whereas I have had to be the substitute for my older sister, who left having children later to have more holidays, get a bigger house, etc., and went back to work when her son was 8 weeks old, and I looked after him for free until junior school. She missed so much of their growing up, whereas I got to share all those moments with them. I saw them come first in the sports day, I collected them when poorly from school and cuddled them, I potty trained them, I taught them to ride a 2 wheeler, we had picnics in the summer at the woods, we had so much time together. My neice and nephew still confide in me now, aged 19 and 15, and say they tell me things they don't tell their mum (not so unusual I know, but it's good to know they can do so).

No one else can decide what is right for you and your child. I would, and did practically everything I could to ensure I was there for my children. We still do, OH and I went without big Christmas gifts last year so that the children came first. Our time will come when they've all grown up.

madison-nyc

Downshifting groceries

I'm much the same as the poster above really , I'm a sahm to my 2 year old daughter and i'm expecting our son in 7 weeks. I'll stay at home with them until they start full time school and then will just get something part time to fit around them.

We took a big drop in our household income in order for me to stay at home. I was earning 16k and dh 19k , he's now on 21k ish and we do get approx £3k a year between CB and CTC so we've dropped 11k really.

We decided even before we concieved that I would stay at home and i've never considered anything else , i couldn't imagine leaving a baby with someone else for 40 hours a week , I appreciate it works for many people but it's not for me.

We bought a house when I was pregnant and got the cheapest house we could in order to keep the mortgage down and we took the mortgage over 35 years to keep the payments even lower. We took a consolidation loan out , again to lower our monthly outgoings too. We swapped from tesco to aldi for shopping. Holidays from new york to the uk. Sell as much stuff as we can on ebay and carboots etc.

For baby stuff I am a bargain hunter by nature so only ever get things in sales , using online discount codes , ebay etc. so have saved a fortune that way but still get nice , decent things.

We don't drink or smoke , but do manage to get out for the odd meal , cinema , camping trips etc. We just have to watch the pennies more now.

I expected to be skint whilst the children are young , I can cope for a few years! lol! I'll have my new york trips again one day!

flea72

madison-nyc wrote: »

I expected to be skint whilst the children are young , I can cope for a few years! lol! I'll have my new york trips again one day!

Honestly, your kids never stop being a drain financially

even when they are old enough to stand on their own two feet, you will prob find that seeing as you did such a grand job with them, you can therefore look after their offspring for free, still expect the bank of mum and dad to pay for 'family' meals out, and use your OH as a cheap plumber/electrician/odd-job man, because thats what dads do :rotfl:

New York, is a long way off, espec with that 35yr mortgage and extended loan terms. I find with kids, the expenditure increases with age, so although people think babies cost alot of look after, its peanuts compared to when they are teenagers, uni students and starting out in their first home

Flea

madison-nyc

Downshifting groceries

flea72 wrote: »

Honestly, your kids never stop being a drain financially

even when they are old enough to stand on their own two feet, you will prob find that seeing as you did such a grand job with them, you can therefore look after their offspring for free, still expect the bank of mum and dad to pay for 'family' meals out, and use your OH as a cheap plumber/electrician/odd-job man, because thats what dads do :rotfl:

New York, is a long way off, espec with that 35yr mortgage and extended loan terms. I find with kids, the expenditure increases with age, so although people think babies cost alot of look after, its peanuts compared to when they are teenagers, uni students and starting out in their first home

Flea

lol! you make it sound so much to look forward too

I appreciate they will always be a drain on finances but I meant that we're mega skint now because of me not working , once the children are in full time school aged 7/8 then i can get back into full time work and with it a full time wage. By that time all our debts will be paid off as we only have 7 years left to pay on the consolidation loan so that will help. And our mortgage is only £396 a month , so not much at all compared to many peoples.

I definately know what you mean about dads being on call for repairs , odd jobs etc. i'm 30 this year and my dad is still the first person i call when something goes wrong in our house or with the car etc. , saves us a fortune! lol!

Spendless

We never got used to 2 incomes, both me and hubby had a house when we met and we only sold one just before ds was born. Not that I had a choice really. No tax credit system 9 years ago, no childcare vouchers and the right to request p-time work didn't exist and my employer only used f-time workers. So I'd have worked f-time to pay childcare fees.

After a few months we were struggling so I took a p-time job evenings and w/ends but had to stop this when dd came along. Hubby's job had changed and he was working more irregular hours and the relatives who helped out in our hours didn't match up had serious health issues themselves.

Hubby had various promotions and pay-rises (till recently when the recession bit!). Meanwhile I started at college and finished recently. I just hadn't given any thought to I'd be job-hunting when loads of others are!

Ms_Piggy_2

mountainlioness wrote: »

Personally, I wouldn't do anything! I'm a great believer that these are intensely personal decisions based on individual circumstances and needs. For us, we both want to work (not necessarily full time) as it's part of being, for us personally, fulfilled adults... (I always was fiercely proud of my academic mother, a great role model). It's not for anyone else to judge.

So for us, the question is how far we'd go to get flexibility or reduced hours - in which case I'd probably do all of the above bar have a lodger and extend debt. It's not realistic in either of our current jobs but I think now I wouldn't go for a position that didn't offer me considerable flexibility, and would consider lower salaries in return (whereas before those kind of benefits weren't so attractive)

This! :beer:

Ms_Piggy_2

pollyanna24 wrote: »

Again, we seem to one of the lucky ones who get quite a few CTC (for this year anyways), not when my wage is back up to its fullest next year (all depends on the time of year mat leave runs out I guess).

My wage just about covers all we need. We had lodgers and saved before the baby came along.

I wouldn't say I'm a high earner (£31,000), I know it's quite good, but not in the high leagues!! Plus our mortgage is £1,000, so that's half my wages gone already. We just don't have a lot of other things to pay for as we have cut right back and are happy with little things. Holidays were never extravagant, but we have family in Europe, so have always only had to pay for flights.

Your financial situation sounds similar to ours - we're struggling though. How do you manage??

ella_ella_ella

Downshifting groceries

sarymclary wrote: »

We gave up just about everything to afford for me to be at home. Stopped going out, cut right back on food bills, accepted any offer of 2nd hand clothes, etc.

I felt very strongly about if I had children I was going to stay at home to raise them. I was left from a young age with childminders, etc. by my mother, who went back to work for monetary and personal fulfillment reasons. She may have been more fulfilled, I was absolutely miserable. We may have had nice holidays abroad, when my friends' families were camping in Yarmouth, or just staying home, but I'd have gladly sacrificed them to see my parent at the school gates morning and afternoon, and having my tea cooked for me.

It was a huge struggle after our 1st baby had been born, and I was already pregnant with no.2. Mortgage interest rates had shot up to 17%, we were mid-recession, and DH's job changed and meant a wage cut. The responsibility on him was enormous, and I supported any career move he wanted to make. We went abroad where more lucrative work was, and whilst very isolating for me, did help his career enormously.

What I think it did do was to create a feeling of team work, and both of us had very defined roles, supporting one another. Staying at home doesn't necessarily mean you sit watching daytime TV all the time. I undertook all the home maintenance, DIY, paying bills, budgeting, etc. DH had to go to work, and I took care of everything else.

The downside is that almost 18 years later, picking my own career back up again isn't easy, or even a realistic possibility. However, I am frequently told how well-mannered, bright, personable, charming, etc. my children are. They are very secure, happy boys (I have 4), who I know appreciate the security their homelife has offered them. In fact it I'm not home, my 17 y/o still rings me to ask where I am, as he likes coming in to find me here, and then we have a chat about his day.

I'd still choose to do it the same way, even if it does mean that the career I might have liked for myself isn't to be, because the end result of how they have turned out is exactly what I wanted.

I've never had to miss an assembly or school open day, whereas I have had to be the substitute for my older sister, who left having children later to have more holidays, get a bigger house, etc., and went back to work when her son was 8 weeks old, and I looked after him for free until junior school. She missed so much of their growing up, whereas I got to share all those moments with them. I saw them come first in the sports day, I collected them when poorly from school and cuddled them, I potty trained them, I taught them to ride a 2 wheeler, we had picnics in the summer at the woods, we had so much time together. My neice and nephew still confide in me now, aged 19 and 15, and say they tell me things they don't tell their mum (not so unusual I know, but it's good to know they can do so).

No one else can decide what is right for you and your child. I would, and did practically everything I could to ensure I was there for my children. We still do, OH and I went without big Christmas gifts last year so that the children came first. Our time will come when they've all grown up.

Couldnt agree more, I dont think children should be fitted into a hectic busy life, but rather your life should be fitted around giving them the best you possibly can. For some that may mean going back to work to be able to have nice holidays etc but for me it means being a SAHM and going without if needed.