what lengths would you go to to give your child a SAHM/D?

pamelab21

Downshifting groceries

we are due our first in two months time and we started making cut backs when we started planning for a baby, I want to take the full 12 months off work as I need to go back after that but have accepted loads of used baby clothes from family so far, have become more aware of what I am spending on food etc, have sold my expensive car and bought a run around with cheaper tax, insurance and smaller engine, as hubby as expensive car too and we do not need two!
I think cut backs can normally always be made, I would def never take in a lodger though.

skintchick

Downshifting groceries

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

Crikey! - doesn't sound as though you'd have time to return to work even if you had wanted to Skinty - have you had the baby yet? x

I know! :rotfl:

Baby is due any time in the next five weeks, but we are aware of our ages and so I don;t expect to be able to work for many years as I want to stay at home until they all go to school at the very least.

Of course, life might not pan out that way but right now it looks OK so that's the plan, but it's also whay we don;t want a huge mortgage when we move as it's a real financial burden then.

mrcow

Downshifting groceries

skintchick wrote: »

Baby is due any time in the next five weeks, but we are aware of our ages and so I don;t expect to be able to work for many years as I want to stay at home until they all go to school at the very least.

Of course, life might not pan out that way but right now it looks OK so that's the plan, but it's also whay we don;t want a huge mortgage when we move as it's a real financial burden then.

lol you sound like you're in a similar position to me 7 years ago.

I gave up my £40k pa city job to be a SAHM and within a couple of months I was climbing the walls realising that as fufilling as being a ft parent is, I seriously needed more - just to keep my brain occupied more than anything else.

In the end, I settled on getting a 6 hour per week Saturday job in an office and did this for a while. Over the years, the job has grown but I still only work weekends, so OH and I share the childcare and he gets valuable one to one (or one to three now!) time with the kids.

Funnily enough.....none of the decisions we made were financial. As you rightly say, if you work hard at making sure that you have no debts before starting a family , then no matter what your income is, your options will always be more varied.

My OH was earning less back then, but we seriously changed things around and made it (forced it to!) work.

All the decisions we've made have been more lifestyle/ambition ones. I started work again because there is a part of me that needs to work. Switching to part time really opened my eyes though. When I was ft, I used to think that work was such a big part of my life, I'd like to think now that I have a heathier balance of priorities.

Obviously not everyone needs to work like this. We're all different. But I think it's important to keep an open mind and also to understand that no decision is the wrong decision if you're going into it with your eyes open and for the right reasons.

Good luck with the delivery this month. You're going to be just fine - just remember that you're in control - always. And you make the decisions - always (I wish someone had reminded me of this when I had my first! and subsequently when I took him home).

Almo

Having children is SUCH an emotive issue isn't it? I don't want children myself and constantly have to justify and explain my decision to others. It's very wearing, particularly when I can utterly understand why some people do want them.

As an impartial observer, as it were, on this thread I think what stands out to me is that whatever choice you make about staying at home vs working, it should be because that is what is best for you, not what others suggest. I recently read a book about a mum struggling with feeling that she wasn't really doing well in her job, and that she wasn't being a proper mother because she wasn't a SAHM. Of course, when she became a SAHM, she found that there are other feelings of guilt that surfaced for her (centred around finance, and her OH having to work). From my experiences with my own friends, it seems that there are an awful lot of mothers out there feeling guilty about whatever choice they've made. I don't see why people should feel guilty - it's your family, you run it however you damn please and to hell with other people judging you.

flea72

skintchick wrote: »

Flea - we only got married a year ago and were pregnant within five months of getting married, which is not much time to save up, and we don;t get rental income as such because we don;t even break even on the other house.

WE were both debt-free because we worked hard to be so! We didn;t always earn loads of money (not that we do earn loads although I appreciate it is more than many people, it isn;t really that much down south).

As for the four-bed house, yes we plan to have three children, and yes that is hte size of house we want! I have lived all my life in either crappy rental flats or the house we are in now - a very small ex-council two-bed with no dining room and the smallest kitchen you have ever seen.

We'd like a decent house as our 'forever home' and as I am 34 and he is 42 I don't think it's unreasonable to think that we might be able to get that at some point. And we don;t intend that to be in ten years' time! We wanted to do that when we first got married and we have every intention of doing it within a couple of years, so we won;t have saved enough to bridge the gap by any means (plus that money is to pay for the children).

I'm sorry if you're a bit jealous of our circumstances (you sound a bit bitter towards me) but we are not in any way rich, plus I didn;t think this thread was only for people that you deem to be 'poor enough' to comment?

no, im not bitter, lol - but reading back i can see thats how it sounds.

i live in the South, so i know what incomes are like down here - i also have 3 children, so know what thats like too lol

You dont class yourself as being rich, so do you class yourself as being poor then?

Why does your age have any bearing on whether you should have a 'forever home'. Home is what you make it, not where it is, and how many bedrooms it has. If you cant afford a 4 bed home, as you yourself say you cant afford to save the extra £100k in the required timescale, then why throw it into the mix? 10yrs of saving is quite practical if planning on having 3 kids, as by the time the youngest starts school the eldest will only be about 10, and tbh at such young ages, they dont really need much 'alone' space, its more once they hit teenage years, that they need some privacy (and their own door to slam lol)

The OP was asking people how they could afford to be a sahp, and what cutbacks they made to do so. For some people to be a sahp, it seems the cutbacks suggested were not necessary, because their OH earnt enough for them to stop working.

Not being poor enough to have an opinion isnt the debate, its whether you had to make any of the cutbacks in the poll? Now, from your posts i would say, you havent had to make cutbacks to stay at home, you just had to learn to live on an above average income

Now, if you had to downsize, take in a lodger, extend mortgage, or use up your savings, then we could see what changes you were making to enable you to be a sahm but to me it seems like you arent cutting back, just adjusting lifestyle?

If its possible to be a sahp without having an OH on a decent wage, could you please enlighten me to how its done, because im obviously going wrong somewhere

Flea

ella_ella_ella

Downshifting groceries

skintchick wrote: »

Flea - we only got married a year ago and were pregnant within five months of getting married, which is not much time to save up, and we don;t get rental income as such because we don;t even break even on the other house.

WE were both debt-free because we worked hard to be so! We didn;t always earn loads of money (not that we do earn loads although I appreciate it is more than many people, it isn;t really that much down south).

As for the four-bed house, yes we plan to have three children, and yes that is hte size of house we want! I have lived all my life in either crappy rental flats or the house we are in now - a very small ex-council two-bed with no dining room and the smallest kitchen you have ever seen.

We'd like a decent house as our 'forever home' and as I am 34 and he is 42 I don't think it's unreasonable to think that we might be able to get that at some point. And we don;t intend that to be in ten years' time! We wanted to do that when we first got married and we have every intention of doing it within a couple of years, so we won;t have saved enough to bridge the gap by any means (plus that money is to pay for the children).

I'm sorry if you're a bit jealous of our circumstances (you sound a bit bitter towards me) but we are not in any way rich, plus I didn;t think this thread was only for people that you deem to be 'poor enough' to comment?

We only have one child and live in a four bed detatched but are already looking for a bigger house. We are by no means rich but would never consider having children sharing or taking away our daughters playroom.

Before im quoted ........The thread is all about what YOU would do, whether other people can or cant afford it, want to or dont want to, is their business and they should be free to say so :rolleyes:

feelinggood_2

Downshifting groceries

flea72 wrote: »

If its possible to be a sahp without having an OH on a decent wage, could you please enlighten me to how its done, because im obviously going wrong somewhere

Flea

What counts as a decent wage? We could afford for me to stay at home on a salary of £22k. We could have easily managed on a lower income, by downsizing (we were in a 3-bed), not having the car, getting rid of luxuries like smoking, alcohol, internet and sky.

weezl74

Having a lodger

ella_ella_ella wrote: »

Before im quoted ........The thread is all about what YOU would do, whether other people can or cant afford it, want to or dont want to, is their business and they should be free to say so :rolleyes:

absolutely ella, I started it because I want to know what people's non-negotiables are.

I would not extend debt, but happily hand wash poo off nappies and would have a lodger.

Other mums I've chatted to would extend debt but not do those things. I am genuinely interested in the differences! Keep em coming one and all!

skintchick

Downshifting groceries

Flea - the OP asked what lengths would go to to, not what lengths have you gone ot, so I answered based on what I'd be prepared to do.

In actual fact, I've not HAD to do any of those things but I would if I needed to.

You asked do I think we're poor? No, I think we are comfortable, and it's a nice place to be I admit.

As for space - it is OH and me I'm thinking about more than small children! WE need some space and it's not possible even now it's just the two of us, so will be utterly impossible with children in this tiny house.

It's also intriguing that you;ve decided it will take us ten years to have three children! We are planning on doing it quicker than that because of my age, and the age gaps we'd like to have between them.

But I do think you've misunderstood the thread. It was asking what you WOULD do, not what you HAVE done, so that's why I have posted on here.

nancmat

Going back after 9 months.. seriously?? I'm going back on Feb 1st 3 months after birth, mortgage and bills to pay and baby will be at a wonderful nursery where my mother works...

SAHM has never appealed to me to be honest, I enjoy my work too much and will hope to enjoy my day of and weekends with baby far more..