what lengths would you go to to give your child a SAHM/D?

feelinggood_2

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flea72 wrote: »

And here we go again, if you have an income that allows you to be a sahp, without making cutbacks, then i dont see how you can have opinions on cutting back to be a sahp

We can all say we would do x, y z. But unless you HAVE to do x, y, z then you dont know how hard it is

Flea

I think those who are SAHP are able to give opinions on what they'd give up. I know how important being a SAHP is to me, just like I know how much value I place on X, Y and Z. Most people have gone without things at other times - I know what it is like to live in a 'not-so-nice' house, what it is like to not have luxuries etc. I know how hard it is to go without things, but I also know how important it is for me to be at home, and I know I'd be willing to go without things.

ella_ella_ella

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flea72 wrote: »

And here we go again, if you have an income that allows you to be a sahp, without making cutbacks, then i dont see how you can have opinions on cutting back to be a sahp

We can all say we would do x, y z. But unless you HAVE to do x, y, z then you dont know how hard it is

Flea

I would imagine most people who voted in the poll were saying what they WOULD do, afterall, that was the question

Oh, and I know what its like to live hand to mouth which is why I wont make the cut backs unless I absolutley have to, but again, the question was about the here and now and I replied given my current circumstances.

skintchick

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flea72 wrote: »

no not ten years to have all three, just that most bodies can cope with a baby every 18m-2yrs, so on those time scales, theres usually 5yrs between youngest and oldest. so what i was saying was, by the time the eldest was 10, the youngest would only be 5, and pre-teenage years, children dont really stay in their rooms, other than to sleep, so its not like you need a bedroom for each one, from the day they are born, its something that could be contemplated when the youngest is reachign school age

Honestly, im just talking from experience, weve found we dont need bedroom space, but more living space, as we are all together in the communal areas alot more than the bedrooms. Although my kids have to share, due to only 3 bedrooms, even when we only had 2, they still wanted to share rooms. kids are like that, one minute they love their siblings, the next theyre at each others throats - own bedroom or not!

Flea

Whichever way you want to slice the cake. THe fact remains we have only one living room in this house, which isn;t enough. just because a house is classed as four bed doesn;t mean you have to use them as bedrooms by the way - they can become living spaces.

galvanizersbaby

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flea72 wrote: »

And here we go again, if you have an income that allows you to be a sahp, without making cutbacks, then i dont see how you can have opinions on cutting back to be a sahp

We can all say we would do x, y z. But unless you HAVE to do x, y, z then you dont know how hard it is

Flea

I'm not sure why you've quoted me?
I don't have an income that allows me to be a sahp - I can offer my opinions on whatever I like (though I tend to offer based on experience) - whether people follow my advice/value my opinion is another matter of course :rotfl:

Emmamr

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Hi there

I am not sure what I would do, I don't think I am cut out to be a SAHM mum either. I went back tro work when my DD was 6 months old (actually, I had to start a new job as childcare costs would have wiped out any income I earned at old one) and have been working there for almost 2 years now.
Baby number 2 is due in November. I will then be going back to work next August. We just can't pay our mortgage without my wages, there's no way. We did get CTC but now they say we owe them £1k and they aren't giving us anything this year at all.
I now work evenings and weekends, on a rota basis so each week is different. I can't say I love it but them money is good and I need to feel like I am paying my own way. I pay half the mortgage and half the bills and there's no way we could keep the house if I didn't.
Also, I need to work to feel useful and to feel like my own person. When DD was very young I had PND and I felt like I had lost a sense of who I was completely. I think it is very imnportant for me to be someone other than 'mummy' or 'Evie's mum'. As rewarding and time consuming having a child is it is not enough to keep me going 24 hours a day. Yes it is a juggling act, having tea on the table so we can eat when DH gets home and I can leave for work at 5.30, and I am very tired being 5 months pregnant and working until midnight but it works for me. I guess what is important is that the child has parents who are happy with their situation, whatever that may be.
Emmax

galvanizersbaby

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ella_ella_ella wrote: »

I would imagine most people who voted in the poll were saying what they WOULD do, afterall, that was the question

Oh, and I know what its like to live hand to mouth which is why I wont make the cut backs unless I absolutley have to, but again, the question was about the here and now and I replied given my current circumstances.

Yes I posted based on what I have done and what I would do if the opportunity arose

galvanizersbaby

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skintchick wrote: »

Whichever way you want to slice the cake. THe fact remains we have only one living room in this house, which isn;t enough. just because a house is classed as four bed doesn;t mean you have to use them as bedrooms by the way - they can become living spaces.[/QUOTE]

Bit off topic now but I can't understand why many housebuilders (seems to be modern properties) build 4 bed houses with less actual downstairs living space than the average 3 bed.
I used to live in a 3 bed modern house and the 4 beds across the road had all had to extend downstairs in some shape or form because the downstairs space was less than the 3 beds for some reason? probably down to cost/that particular builder I guess but I've seen it quite a lot in modern properties.
Bit annoying :mad:

mrcow

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flea72 wrote: »

And here we go again, if you have an income that allows you to be a sahp, without making cutbacks, then i dont see how you can have opinions on cutting back to be a sahp

We can all say we would do x, y z. But unless you HAVE to do x, y, z then you dont know how hard it is

Flea

Excuse me? We ALL know how hard it is!

Every single stay at home parent on these boards understands what sacrifices are needed to stay at home full time.

All of us are capable of earning what you term as a "decent" wage. If you disagree, then you're selling us short. Most of us have been hard-working, well trained and well educated professionals. If you don't think that it takes serious sacrifices to give up a career after working so damn hard for it for many years, no matter what your OH earns, then seriously, you have no clue what you're on about.

Your OHs wage is immaterial. If you don't think they earn enough, then get them to take a second job - or you do it and go and work nights whilst they're at home. Or get them to retrain and start doing something that earns them more than £22k per year (as theat seemed to be your benchmark?).

Lu_T

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flea72 wrote: »

The UK average is £27k, now i would assume any family would be able to have a sahp based on that income.

It's probably right that a family could manage on this income, but it depends on what outgoings are already established and whether you're prepared to make changes - e.g. downsizing, less cars, no/different hols etc.

I had this debate with my mum recently. We moved five years ago to a larger house because we wanted the space to have a family. That was what was important for us. We also believed the sooner we moved, the sooner we'd get the mortgage paid off and the better life we could provide for our family. We had our daughter 2.5 years ago and #2 is imminent. Since then we've had an extension to make 4 double bedrooms. We used to have 2 doubles and a single bedroom.

The problem with the old bedrooms was that my mum (who isn't local) helps with our childcare and needs to stay over. Plus none of my family are local, so need to stay with us to see the family at all. Two kids sharing a room is fine, but there wasn't enough space for my family to stay in the single room.

We've chosen to spend that money, but it does mean that we can't manage on DH's income - which is just below the 'average' figure quoted above. I actually earn more pro rata, but choose to work part-time as that's what works for us. I top up my income with some freelance work which I do at evenings and weekends.

I guess it's all about choices - which is I think what Weezl was trying to explore. What are the choices you WOULD make if you needed to.

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

I don't see why you should have to cut down if you can afford not to - why are you on a money saving site though

I also love a bargain and like the people. While we are comfortable I firmly believe in the MSE ethos, which is about having what you want, but paying the minimum amount for it. That's what Martin himself says.

Emmamr wrote: »

Hi there

I am not sure what I would do, I don't think I am cut out to be a SAHM mum either. I went back tro work when my DD was 6 months old (actually, I had to start a new job as childcare costs would have wiped out any income I earned at old one) and have been working there for almost 2 years now.
Baby number 2 is due in November. I will then be going back to work next August. We just can't pay our mortgage without my wages, there's no way. We did get CTC but now they say we owe them £1k and they aren't giving us anything this year at all.
I now work evenings and weekends, on a rota basis so each week is different. I can't say I love it but them money is good and I need to feel like I am paying my own way. I pay half the mortgage and half the bills and there's no way we could keep the house if I didn't.
Also, I need to work to feel useful and to feel like my own person. When DD was very young I had PND and I felt like I had lost a sense of who I was completely. I think it is very imnportant for me to be someone other than 'mummy' or 'Evie's mum'. As rewarding and time consuming having a child is it is not enough to keep me going 24 hours a day. Yes it is a juggling act, having tea on the table so we can eat when DH gets home and I can leave for work at 5.30, and I am very tired being 5 months pregnant and working until midnight but it works for me. I guess what is important is that the child has parents who are happy with their situation, whatever that may be.
Emmax

I'm also not cut out to be a SAHM so have a good balance working 3 days a week. When LOs are at school I hope to re-arrange my hours so I can at least drop or collect the kids from school.

barnaby-bear

mrcow wrote: »

Excuse me? We ALL know how hard it is!

Every single stay at home parent on these boards understands what sacrifices are needed to stay at home full time.

All of us are capable of earning what you term as a "decent" wage. If you disagree, then you're selling us short. Most of us have been hard-working, well trained and well educated professionals. If you don't think that it takes serious sacrifices to give up a career after working so damn hard for it for many years, no matter what your OH earns, then seriously, you have no clue what you're on about.

Your OHs wage is immaterial. If you don't think they earn enough, then get them to take a second job - or you do it and go and work nights whilst they're at home. Or get them to retrain and start doing something that earns them more than £22k per year (as theat seemed to be your benchmark?).

A one bedder where I live is around £200k; to be into 2/3-bed ex-council buying territory you need to be in the £80k+ salary bracket and have a £40k+deposit; a 2-bed rental will come in at about £1000 pcm - there aren't many SAHM round here or many people having kids..... Mortgage lenders now limiting people to 3xsalary and 15% deposits.... and whilst you can suggest people move somewhere cheap they have no connections with and give up their jobs..... a lot of the comments are on cutting out luxuries like holidays - for some people in some areas I genuinely believe they can't meet basic housing costs and bills on one salary.....