what lengths would you go to to give your child a SAHM/D?

flea72

ella_ella_ella wrote: »

I dont think children should be fitted into a hectic busy life, but rather your life should be fitted around giving them the best you possibly can

children with sahp dont have hectic,busy lives? Ive yet to find a sahp who doesnt spend their days enriching their childrens lives, by taking there here there and everywhere, planning activities, going to clubs, meeting up with other mums, trips to the play area, coffe mornings, etc.

Flea

ella_ella_ella

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flea72 wrote: »

children with sahp dont have hectic,busy lives? Ive yet to find a sahp who doesnt spend their days enriching their childrens lives, by taking there here there and everywhere, planning activities, going to clubs, meeting up with other mums, trips to the play area, coffe mornings, etc.

Flea

Not sure I follow but I meant that (my opinion) children shouldnt be passed from pillar to post from the moment they are born. They shouldnt have to just fit in or be taken to/collected from school and only see their parents on weekends as the childminder has put them to bed etc etc

Im a SAHM and never have a spare minute! We feed the ducks, go to the park, go swimming, fly the kite, meet friends, paint pictures......and I love every second of it all.

LilySue

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We did all the things on the list, including the lodger...but I wouldn't do the lodger thing again. Although he was someone I knew, I was unprepared for the fact that he was totally fascinated by breast feeding :eek:.....as he had not been breast fed himself he decided to come and sit with me if he was at home when I was feeding ds1....I found it awkward, he didn't!

ella_ella_ella

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LilySue wrote: »

We did all the things on the list, including the lodger...but I wouldn't do the lodger thing again. Although he was someone I knew, I was unprepared for the fact that he was totally fascinated by breast feeding :eek:.....as he had not been breast fed himself he decided to come and sit with me if he was at home when I was feeding ds1....I found it awkward, he didn't!

Thats totally weird :eek:

buxtonrabbitgreen

I didn't do any of the options. I have never been a stay at home mum. However I have changed jobs several times to fit in with kids. Until they went to school I worked evenings (pub) weekends (factory) and nights (awful) Mine are now teens. I do feel I am there for them as I work from very very early moning but finish at 1.30. So ok I am cream crackered most of the time, but on hand. Not to help with homework (cos it is too hard)

skintchick

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flea72 wrote: »

so you can suck up a £12k drop in income? wow, id say thats more than the discussed 'cut backs'

Flea

We have 'sucked up' a 27k drop in income, as that's what I was earning before I was made redundant.

I think for us the key thing is that we were both debt-free before we started TTC (I insisted he pay off his car loan in full before we got married) and as we both owned property before the wedding we now have two houses, one rented out, and the one we live in (which was mine) is mortgage-free.

This means we can take that kind of cut and still save around £400 a month, which will increase to around £700-800 when I get my Maternity Allowance, CB, CTC.

However, it does mean that when we want to sell both and move into a bigger house, which we will have to do once number two comes along and they start to need their own space, we will struggle to get a mortgage of the size we will need to get a decent house round our way, on just one wage, even if that wage is 36k (and hopefully more by then).

We have around 300k equity in the two houses, but four-bed houses round here cost about 500-550k, and that's still a lot of money to borrow and pay off on one wage.

As always with these things, it depends very much on your circumstances, and we have been fortunate with ours really, for which I'm very grateful.

GettingHitched

Oh and I are planning our first baby, as nice as it sounds, the chances on me being able to stay at home longer than Maternity Pay and savings allow are very slim.

I honestly do not see that as a bad thing, I work Partish time ( evenings and weekends mainly ) and am also self employed. There should be very few occasions where I would need to use babysitters/minders/nurseries etc, and those rare occasions in my mind would be a good spot of socialisation for LO.

While its lovely that some people want to stay at home, and do very well with it, not everyone can afford to, have the facilities to be able to, and various other reasons.

Im also very aware of the fact that my own mum did very similar to what OH and I plan to do. Im still in awe as to the lengths she went to, so that we didnt go without, and didnt have to rely on outside help very often. However, in all three of us, she installed a very strong work ethic.

flea72

skintchick wrote: »

We have 'sucked up' a 27k drop in income, as that's what I was earning before I was made redundant.

as i said before, you can only afford to be sahp if your OH earns a decent wage - in your case its not a case of sucking up a loss in £27k, as you still have £36k (plus rental income) coming in. I would think anyone with a joint income of £63k a year, should have been able to save for the luxury of being a sahp - im just saying for those with a below average income, its a luxury they cant ever afford

I think for us the key thing is that we were both debt-free before we started TTC (I insisted he pay off his car loan in full before we got married) and as we both owned property before the wedding we now have two houses, one rented out, and the one we live in (which was mine) is mortgage-free

As i said before, its easy to be debt free, when you have a decent income. money gives you options, ie you can downsize/go without to ease the financial strain, but for people with limited incomes, what options do they have? yes, at the moment you are lucky in that you are mortgage/rent free. I think alot of people can exist quite comfortably without this expense - i know i could

This means we can take that kind of cut and still save around £400 a month, which will increase to around £700-800 when I get my Maternity Allowance, CB, CTC

However, it does mean that when we want to sell both and move into a bigger house, which we will have to do once number two comes along and they start to need their own space, we will struggle to get a mortgage of the size we will need to get a decent house round our way, on just one wage, even if that wage is 36k (and hopefully more by then).

Also i dont think you will have any problems when you come to upsizing, as if you can save £800 a month, then in 10yrs time, when you need more space, you should have enough deposit to bridge the gap. However unless you have 3 children, is there any need for a 4 bed house? infact why cant your children share rooms, if it means you are financially better off?

perhaps Channel 4 needs to do a new 'swap' series. low-income, working parents, get to swap their lifestyles with a middle-income sahp - anyone up for it?

Flea

skintchick

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Flea - we only got married a year ago and were pregnant within five months of getting married, which is not much time to save up, and we don;t get rental income as such because we don;t even break even on the other house.

WE were both debt-free because we worked hard to be so! We didn;t always earn loads of money (not that we do earn loads although I appreciate it is more than many people, it isn;t really that much down south).

As for the four-bed house, yes we plan to have three children, and yes that is hte size of house we want! I have lived all my life in either crappy rental flats or the house we are in now - a very small ex-council two-bed with no dining room and the smallest kitchen you have ever seen.

We'd like a decent house as our 'forever home' and as I am 34 and he is 42 I don't think it's unreasonable to think that we might be able to get that at some point. And we don;t intend that to be in ten years' time! We wanted to do that when we first got married and we have every intention of doing it within a couple of years, so we won;t have saved enough to bridge the gap by any means (plus that money is to pay for the children).

I'm sorry if you're a bit jealous of our circumstances (you sound a bit bitter towards me) but we are not in any way rich, plus I didn;t think this thread was only for people that you deem to be 'poor enough' to comment?

galvanizersbaby

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skintchick wrote: »

Flea - we only got married a year ago and were pregnant within five months of getting married, which is not much time to save up, and we don;t get rental income as such because we don;t even break even on the other house.

WE were both debt-free because we worked hard to be so! We didn;t always earn loads of money (not that we do earn loads although I appreciate it is more than many people, it isn;t really that much down south).

As for the four-bed house, yes we plan to have three children, and yes that is hte size of house we want! I have lived all my life in either crappy rental flats or the house we are in now - a very small ex-council two-bed with no dining room and the smallest kitchen you have ever seen.

We'd like a decent house as our 'forever home' and as I am 34 and he is 42 I don't think it's unreasonable to think that we might be able to get that at some point. And we don;t intend that to be in ten years' time! We wanted to do that when we first got married and we have every intention of doing it within a couple of years, so we won;t have saved enough to bridge the gap by any means (plus that money is to pay for the children).

I'm sorry if you're a bit jealous of our circumstances (you sound a bit bitter towards me) but we are not in any way rich, plus I didn;t think this thread was only for people that you deem to be 'poor enough' to comment?

Crikey! - doesn't sound as though you'd have time to return to work even if you had wanted to Skinty - have you had the baby yet? x