Today is a new day!

taxi73

just sending you big hugs xx as really don't know what to say x

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Thank you one and all. Im sitting here as woke up in the armchair a while ago and not been able to sleep. My dad said Im making an industry from my dh situation. Industry was the word he used and Im also in denial over the way my dh lived... Thats when I said Im leaving now.. And pickle I hear what you say. If my dd was falling I would worry of course but then there would be a lot I would do to help her prevent that happening rather just watching on in horror..I also wouldn't slag her off telling her that her best isn't good enough when she has achieved so much more than I could ever hope to achieve on my own - as I said to mum today could you keep all the bills upstraight without dad in the equation?..Then I wouldn't tell my dd that her disability was her responsibility to cope with financially and not one I wanted so its just tough that its hers. As I have said to my parents at least £5K of my debt would be representative of my car adaption costs alone over the years, thats not taking into account my loss of potential income from numerous doctor and physio appointments that have eaten into the working day and the travelling costs to get to those appointments. Something none of them have factored in. Its ok for all of them to say they have no money but when I say Im finding things tough, Im a failure despite having those additional challenges..., mum and dad have essentially told me You are different to us. Your life should be different... Really this is nothing new. When they knew I was going up the stairs on my bum most nights they did nothing to help contribute to the stairlift I have now, they went on holiday with their dog, had other expensive things going on etc while I had the lovely help and support of a charity to get a stairlift in place that has since been so wonderful. Clearly in the absence of that charitable help my parents believed I should have the £2500 it cost on my own even though they are the energy of two people but dont have money apparently and I am just me.. The harsh fact remains and which is not new to me. To be disabled in this world means you have to prove your capabilities more than anyone else, and my own family are more "guilty" of that than anyone. No, I can not be party to all this anymore..Im sick to death of fighting for the freedom to have a life that others are apparently "allowed" but not me.. And as I said to them this is all over the fact that they have helped me out to the tune of £868 which they offered, I didn't ask albeit I was grateful for their help, and that was what just one adaption cost me in the earlier years before fitting costs.. and I have had to pay for at least three... And I didn't hold them to account every time I had to find that sort of money....

I don't want to feel all this bitterness so I need to stop there and try to sleep for an hour or so if I can....

poorbutrich

Just dropping to say "well done". I wonder if your parents are jealous of you in a way; your independence, your strong-will and your hard-working ethic.

I am so sorry to hear about some of the hurtful things they said. You would have thought they'd be supportive rather than making you pay for bags of shopping here and there with your soul. As for the adaptation, you'd think they'd consider that money well spent as it's obviously given you independence. I wonder if that's the problem. It sounds like they wrote you off to an extent because of your disabilities when you were younger and I think it suits them to pigeonhole you as a "victim" as otherwise they might feel bad for not having been more supportive and nurturing.

Anyway, it's good that you've had this conversation. Your parents will show their true colours now.

Best of luck, and massive hugs to you.

girlatplay

Thought I would just pop over to say hi :hello:

I haven't caught up with the past few days on your diary yet. I just want to say that you are really inspirational and I admire you for all that you have achieved. I also love that you are so determined to bring up DD to be a good person, regardless of the way you are treated by your family.

Well done for fighting against all odds and having the determination to do what you have done and what you do.

Keep going!

Gap x

Chocforever

Your DH, his life and his death, are a very big part of your life. It would be odd if this wasn't the case. I wonder if your family are people who like to avoid anything "bad". I have relations like this. They think that avoiding talking or even acknowledging anything difficult in life means that it is then OK; that the bad things are forgotton and go away. Best to give up gracefully rather than be seen to struggle or admit you need help. I'm not sure where my relations get this from, whether it is keeping up appearances or they just can't accept that life isn't perfect.

You are not making an industry out of your DH's death. You have sought support for yourself and your DD from charities and others who are there to provide just this sort of service. Not because you are different or somehow seeking attention, but because it is known that people in your situation benefit from such help. You have talked on here about how you have benefited and seen DD open up to other children who can share some of her experiences. I recall you also said that once you were in the financial position to do so, you would like to enable others to benefit from this same support. This is the definition of charity. It is not industry; no one is making money from this.

Take care x

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Had a text from mum this morning. She said last night was horrible. They are sorry...yes have finally had an apology!!!But then she went on to say my finances are not just my business, they are theirs too! and I had to sit with dad, that my sis and they worry about me constantly and they are there to help.. Really I would want to say. This situation has come about because I asked you for help which you had told me to do more of and then all you have all done is treat me like a complete failure. And how come your finances and those of my sister are not known to the family when both of you have told me you have no money but apparently mine should be? Again, one rule for them, one rule for me... I appreciate the apology, mum clearly knows she and dad over stepped the mark but Im not going to respond to her text for now.

On that note, I saw the lady from the charity that helps lone parents in our area this morning. She comes to visit me every 6 weeks or so and how I appreciated her being here. I told her everything, and like my best friend's reaction she is utterly amazed by whats been said. She told me one of the reasons why she still keeps in touch with me is because she does believe in me, and I thanked her. I really do believe there is a guardian angel watching over me..My inner demon is self doubt, and it is a constant thing to work on my self belief..

My way forward is to concentrate on dd and my life, not divulge to my family whats going on in my life because of their reaction. I refuse to consider Incapacity Benefit as an "opportunity" for me. I choose to consider that my business is my opportunity and all the while I can work I will achieve my goals. But how David Cameron thinks he is going to get disabled people back into the work place is beyond me when the opposition I have personally experienced has simply been so wearing and tiring..At the end of the day I will make absolutely sure I will survive and ensure dd has the best start in life that I can possibly give her. I will work as well as I can despite my ongoing falls. Since returning from Newcastle I have achieved £1500 in sales, bills are up to date apart from one which is in hand and I am doing very well all things considered. Ive just got to keep telling myself that....

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

So, a new day, and whilst still not sleeping well I feel positive about the day ahead with work bits to do and being proactive.. Have decided to get stuck into ebay again which Ive not done for a couple of months or so. So, this wekend will see me do some preparation for that. Also need to contact my accountant today, get my tax return in order..Thats it, yes a shortish post for once!!

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

So, sent a text to my mum a short time ago. My friend advised to leave contacting her but I am worried that when I collect dd from mum and dad later I will be subjected to the whole saga again and I am aware I feel tired, I have wasted so much energy on the situation and I fear for my health in quality of walking if this goes on much longer. Have tripped up in the house so many times this am...and I just want to collect dd without any fear later. Beable to say hello, thank you for having her and leave....So, have said to mum this. And that I do not feel able to go to them or my sis in the future given their comments about mine and dd's life and I would never dream of telling any of them to disclose their financial situation to me so I wil most certainly not be discussing this with them. And I can not live my life the way they want me to so they are not worrying. Indeed I didn't put this next bit in my text but at the end of the day they have placed on to me the financial burden of my disability saying as they did the other eve that its not a responsibility they want to take on. Why should we was what mum said and thats why she now objects to having paid for the adaption last year. So my financial "burden" is worse than any of them, its tough on me and thats the way it is, and so to me I think that shows I am doing v well, holding my own on my own. And little do they know but my working hours will be over a longer period of the day in due course when my physio and Health In Mind appts come to be but these are appointments I must keep to ensure the ongoing wellbeing of me and dd. So, how could I say to them about any of that given their remarks to date.. And how could I ever go to any of them about the impending situation dd and I will have to face when the murderer comes out of prison, if he does. He knows where we reside. How could I ever discuss such things with a family who think I am making an industry out of that situation..Yes, things have changed completely. I have dads fathers day cards here, but I just do not know what to write in it..Best get on...Have lots of orders to process and collect and deliver.. My outstanding bill will be paid by the weekend and I have got an email to say ebay are doing a free insertion weekend so that will be my focus this weekend to get that started. Being proactive makes me feel so hopeful about the future..

mum2one

sounds like you've had a positive day, and maybe the fathers day card could be the icebeaker, but as an you have your opinion I have my life, never the twain shall cross. x

InaPickle

Good luck, PaF, whatever you decide to do.