Today is a new day!

mum2one

Families, sometimes I think there are own worse enemy, I guess all you can do is keep the distance, but I do think in time it os something you will need to address with them, mum may feel shes being helpful, when if anything its the oppodiate.
Keep your chin up, your doing a brilliant job. xx

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

I'm sorry things are still as they are POF. None of my business but I feel like your family would get a 'true' insight into you if they read this thread but I undersand your reluctance to let them do that.

If your family came to you and said ok we have obviously got it so wrong in our angst at watching you struggle so what can we do to help you tell us and we will do it, what would you say?

Hi Km
I would say,
Please dont criticise me. I totally disagree that I should havemet someone by now, that dd has a dreadful life, that it is me that is mad to work just because the woman from the Single Parentss Network told me I am the only disabled parent on her "books" working, I don't care if "half the village" think I look tired, I am happy for your friends living in council properties but I don't and have no intention of doing so all the while I can pay my mortgage, the fact that my walking is "dreadful" is no reason for me to give up a business I love, personally I don't think my walking is that dreadful, It is not time for me to go on Incapacity Benefit nor do I see it as an opportunity, I will not be talking with dad about my finances, My best is good enough, that is your opinion that it will never be, I have never made an industry of dh murder, how I feel is very private and I can not put 18 years with my dh to bed just like that, I do not regret having dd, I would have regreted having an abortion as my sis told me to, I am not totally irresponsible for having dd, 8 years on its not all dh's fault why I am in the place I am. I know my disability is my responsibilty but there is no need to make it so blatant that you consider you have no responsibility to help with the costs involved with a disability or that you don't want to helpas you put it. Perhaps I don't either? It's quite clear you will never help with the next large expense in that area and the fact that it was the first time ever you paid for an adaption for me since Ive been driving was clearly one time too many and that is at it is. At the end of theday I will not take responsibility for how you all think about me.

What you could do is when I've had a bad fall which is on average if this year is anything to go by once every 5/6 weeks. Don't knock me if I am behind for a few days on a bill, appreciate what I am achieving in this situation of having a disability not of my doing, or yours but which clearly is considered my problem by this family while you all get on living how you want. Just Think. How would you be after a fall? Do you need any milk, before I go can I make you a cuppa?can I run dd back for you while you are having physio rather than you rushing from a to be to do it all on your own, would you like me to help with anything in the home, changing the sheets on the bed for eg. Instead of me (mum) attending the school pamper eve would you like to while I look after dd , a massage would do you good. When was the last time you had any me time, can we help in that dept? Would it help to have dd for a couple of hours more so you can just be and rest?

It's all very minor things that could make a difference because I believe without such token bits of extra help my recovery takes longer each time I fall., and as dd gets older she would want to help me more, shes just like that , v caring my dd but I am aware that is not right for dd, to feel responsible for me when she should be enjoying her childhood. But really, I coped after my last fall, I will be scarred for life on my good arm I think but I have recovered pretty ok and none of my family knew about it nor will they. None of them seem bothered as to how I am given they knew I had fallen three times in Jan and still had problems with grazes etc healing in March and in fact still am. Those falls have conveniently been forgotten by them. So, this is probably for the best to keep things as they are.

The irony is my dh was alcoholic when he was murdered but he was the most loving, kindest person when it came to me and my health. Thats what I loved about him, he loved me as me, he didn'tmind cutting up my plate of food in restaurants, or holding my baby hand down the road or being there when I had hospital appts. And hes not here and all my family do is still knock him now..He was far from perfect, but neither are they or indeed me..

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Still woke up in the night but last night was the first time for a long time that I didn't lie awake in bed for what feels like hours on end thinking about the family situation. I saw both my parents yesterday very briefly and nothing was said by any of us about recent texts mum has sent to me telling me what I should do etc. So, I can say hello, thankyou, goodbye in future meetings without argument or further comment said to me. My strategy is to continue being ultra private about my life. If they ask me how I am, I will just say well thankyou and how are you? End of. If I should fall again I will deal with it on my own, I wil not discuss my business, my private life, my involvement with the National Victims Assoc or the other charity, dd even given they feel she has a dreadful life. If any help is ever offered to me by family which I doubt I will say thank you but no thank you, that way I can be sure nothing will be thrown back in my face in the weeks or months ahead and our relationship can remain on an even keel! I can't do anything about the way the all feel about my life , but by the same token they will have to accept that I am not going to do what they have made clear they think I should do. A new era in how I liase with my family..I intend to keep hold of my dreams all the while I can and enjoy working towards my goals to ensure a happy and secure future for dd and me..

Other news, have been in the throws of preparing my tax return. My gross income this last tax year is £1500 down on the previous year. However, my mortgage has also been £120 less each month than it was during the previous tax year due to the expiry of the fixed rate it was on, so that equates to virtually the same so what Ive lost in one area has been gained in another. The real progress has been in curbing my spending. During the previous tax year I had 3 mortgage repayment hols, and I still used a credit card if I had to every month. This year no repayment hols and just a very small credit card usage and I am paying off more where poss on my debts. A huge turn around. The plan is therefore to focus on getting back that £1500 earnings - I think on reflection I got myself bogged down with the Social Services saga last year and that effected me badly together with the falls so close together in January and I allowed myself to lose my focus somewhat - so there should be no reason why I can not get my income up to a higher level. Thats the beauty of being self employed, I intend to be as proactive as I am physically able to be and start refocusing on what I need to do to earn what I need to! No more being bogged down with constant thoughts about what my family think of me.. Just imagine how much quicker my debt will reduce to be able to throw another £1500 at it a year, poss more?! Now that really does excite me, and so am really looking forward to potentially exceeding my expectations from the ten year plan I have at the moment! My home will be completely mine sooner than I originally planned!!!
On that note, better get back to work. Working from home today...

taxi73

your plans are sounding good..good luck with the earnings

Verbatim

That sounds more like the old PAF! I'm sure you'll be successful at upping your income. Well done on your resolve to keep your private life away from your family. You've tried but they won't try. It sounds very dignified and do-able.

girlatplay

I really admire you PAF. Your courage and bravery shines through all the time. Keep going

Gap x

mum2one

Your an inspiration, and just sorry that family aren't supportive, I always think of the saying, you can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends.... with some of my family, never a truer word said xx

InaPickle

I think you've made some wise decisions, there, PAF: well done.


Enjoy the more positive time while the sun is shining.

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

So, great news. I heard from the Health In Mind dept and I have an appt for this thursday at 2.30pm. Its a day I would usually need to collect dd from school at 3pm but I am hoping that the after school club can collect her. Paying an extra £11.60 for that would be worth it. I feel so desperate to address all the issues that I need to in order to hopefully become a more rounded person for dd and our future particularly. If I can address how Im dealing with dh murder in particular I hope to be more effective with helping dd in that dept and of course with the family issues of late I hope to feel braver and stronger in dealing with what could be round the corner both positive and otherwise.

On the financial side of things this last four weeks for me and my team have been the best ever re sales this year. Have earned more than I need to re my budget but I have also had unexpected bills so I am not yet in a position where I can say excellent, extra dosh to throw at the debt. Nevertheless, it is v hopeful and the goal is of course to maintain that success. I have my newsletter to my customers at last ready and waiting to be photocopied to day with a view to putting it in with my catalogues that are going out tomorrow.

Re my family, mum sent me a lovey dovey text yesterday which I found peculiar. Is she realising things have changed between us? Is she regretting what she has said? I have no idea but she did text me last week asking if she could pop round on Sunday to discuss the days she could have dd in the summer school hols. I have thanked her but said we would be out on Sunday because I just could not put myself in a position where what has been said crops up again or she reinforces again what she thinks I should do and by doing so effectively telling me Im making a mess of my life. And if she says those things in my home there is nowhere for me to escape. I can not exactly walk out of my home canI!.

So, thats about it. Have a positive, full week ahead, keeping my head down making sure the bills are paid, sales are achieved and I stay upright, that is not fall! Yes, am so relieved I am due to see someone on thursday.. Feel v grateful that they think I am worth their time!

taxi73

great news on the appointment..that's a realpositive and great news on extra sales