Today is a new day!

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Thank you for your kind words. Satchmo, no, my MP hasn't contacted me. One of the things Ive been told is that I should be qualifying for a higher level of care component on my DLA but you only need to read the disabled forum on this site to hear the horror stories of people applying for higher rates for absolutely genuine reasons and then finding everything is taken away. And then they have to go to appeal and involve their doctors and Mp's etc etc. I have always been told that if I reapply they could take what I have away and I just don't want to risk that particularly in this current climate of cutbacks. It would be just one battle too many for me right now. So, the fear is rife in me and I know in others too of the potential of this govt to withdraw any support available at all along with the support from the charity route too with the cutbacks in funding there.( I know Care for Carers which my dd is now involved with are fighting for funding to keep going as just one eg) So, if my MP ever did get in contact with me I have a lot to say about their handling of the situation if I am to ever "sit" on a task force with a clear conscience knowing I am working for the good of others as opposed to increasing the level of worry many disabled people may have including me!...
I also hear what you say Verbatim about swapping with babysitting with friends, however, I am just so tired by the middle to the end of the day the thought of being responsible for two children as opposed to one when all I would want to do is sit down, relax and potentially sleep is why I do not offer that often to have sleepovers for other mums. That sounds selfish I know but I have done it a few times for a very dear friend and it just made the weekends unrelaxing for me, and in order to keep going each week I need to be able to rest up and unwind... This weekend for example will see me completely resting. I am so tired today after coming back from Newcastle and getting things sorted for dd back to school and for work for me. I am at home today and plan to have a doze shortly before doing some bits before collecting dd from school, and then tom and fri are busy days but the weekend is currently clear of anything to then relax to be ready to take on next week..dd understands and is often playing outside anyway. We live in a cul de sac and there are lots of children who she plays with..So, its not as if shes playing on her own all the time..

So, moving on, dd went to mums after school yesterday. I collected her, only my dad was there as mum had gone out for the evening. Nothing was said. Just hi and goodbye, and have a nice eve..

Other news, have gone to the doc today about my good arm as I have had a lump on it by the graze I acquired following my last fall on the rockery and whilst it has reduced a bit, its still v noticeable, not painful but just want to check I haven't damaged a bone significantly! It was a different doctor to last time and she commented on my notes which she said showed what a challenging time Im having over the last few years, and the appointment ended up being about that. So, my arm is still not looked at. She will look at it next time. She is checking Health in Mind are sending me an appointment, booking me in for some more physio, and has prescribed me some anti depressants which she thinks will help. Not sure if I will take them yet. I am seeing her again in a couple of weeks and she will check my arm out again then.. She thinks I need support at the mo which I acknowledge I do. I have great friends but my family's attitude to me has really upset me and knocked me for six, and just the thought of feeling so isolated because I want to work rather than give in is sometimes overwhelming and I have to really talk to myself and tell myself I can do this, I am not doing anything wrong, I can achieve my goals, I am a capable parent and then dealing with the ongoing reality of my dh situation is just that - ongoing. Then the thought of "applying" for help here and there and fearing it will become yet another battle, well as I say at the mo I don't want any more battles so its a case of being thankful for what I do have and keep doing my best in my situation. So, I still consider myself positive and focused, I just need to address some issues to come out of this even stronger, positive and focused!..Yet another long post, one day I wil learn to be more concise!..

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

So, Have 4p available in my bank account, but I do not need to spend any money until my next order is delivered which is tomorrow so it's not dreadful. I'm waiting on a refund from the Halifax of £50 and if that is not credited by Wednesday I will be chasing..
Dd starts swimming lessons next week with the school. They wanted an optional contribution of £24 and at the time I did a note to say I could not provide that money at that time but would endeavour to in due course. I also need to pay £12 for a trip dd is going on with the school next month. Dd told me on fri that her teacher told her I should be able to pay the £24 swimming cost by now and she did so in front of the class.. So, am furious dd is yet again being held to account in effect for my shortfall. Why is the teacher holding my dd to account about these personal issues in front of the rest of the class rather than taking it up with me? I daren't ask as I need to keep calm. They will get their money, I was quite upfront with them about my financial situation at the time. Of course dd may have told everyone how we went to Newcastle for a few days in the half term and what her teacher would not necessarily know is that was all covered by the charity concerned..Plus she socialises with my mum as they live opposite each other so she prob assumes my life style is like my mum's which is spending regularly on this and that and that could not be further from the truth..
On that note I haven't seen or spoken with my mum since returning from Newcastle. She's texted me to say we need to talk. What does she want to talk about exactly? I daren't ask in case it opens up yet another difficult stressful upsetting can of worms about my life... So, have decided to keep myself low, focus on dd and work, not falling over, be grateful for everything. So, am very grateful Ive 4p in my account and not 1p!!!Just stay as positive and focused as possible. I can not allow any negativity or self doubt to come in. It's imperatif I stay as strong as possible and keep thinking "you are doing well, you are doing well, hang in there"....So, I haven't responded to my mum's text. She knows nothing of recent developments such as my last fall, my diagnosis of post traumatic stress and my referral to the physio. And thats how I need to keep it for now..If she has said what she has without all that occuring, can you imagine what she would say if she knew these latest things.. Doesn't bear thinking about... Last week I sold £950. It took me much longer to work as I did have my stick with me sometimes when I was going somewhere where I didn't need to hold anything in my hand - bearing in mind I have just one good arm/hand! - just because my confidence is a bit wary re falling again and I was very tired and when Im tired thats when I am even more likely to fall or trip... I have spent the weekend so far relaxing. All my bills will be met this month..I really do believe that we must have a guardian angel looking over me and dd at times...I thank on high for having 4p available as opposed to nothing!!!!

beanielou

Outragous of teacher.
Speak to school.

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Yes beanie lou I hear what you say. To specifically complain though is one thing Im weighing up inmy mind. I should be able to pay £24 and will. It was just the timing knowing we were away for the half term thereby knocking off a week working so income was already being stretched plus the fact that the timing of the half term was the end/beginning of the month with maj of dd's and so's going out. That said, I am mad the teacher keeps involving dd and that is what I want to address if I can be brave enough...

beanielou

Yes I know its very difficult.
Ny DS is now nearly 18 & left school the other day & I did get braver as he got older.
See what you think.

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

So, this was going to be a relaxing day however now I am in such a tiswas over a tel message from my dad. He's clearly been told to do it by my mum, and that is they want to talk to me. Now, Im worrying what to do. I don't want to talk to them if its going to be another attack on my choices in life, and my situation. And frankly, I am thinking that is the case given neither my mum nor dad have said about talking that they fully respect my decision or lets move on positively. Just that they want to talk. I don't feel able to talk to them right now or indeed ever. On the one hand, I am forever grateful to them for fighting for me as a child when they were told by one doctor I would lead the life of a "vegetable" and for fighting to get me into !!!!!! school and so forth. On the other, I am my own woman, now 46, and this has all come about by me asking both them and my sis for help, but the answer wasn't just no it was a fullforce criticism of my life choices, and this is where I do feel angry. When my parents had financial and other practical help from my grandparents there were no family conferences as far as I recall. Nor were they told their life needed to change..there were no family conversations when I lent and gave my sis hundreds of pounds when she was in need. I just did it and that was that. Nor were there when my sis and I helped my mum and dad when our younger brother was born. So, why do we need a family conference over my situation? Frankly, my feeling is its their problem and they are going to try and make it mine by putting the pressure on me to make changes they approve of. That is give up work..God how I wish I hadn't taken mum up on her offer for that money to pay for my last car adaption and for a boiler repair. Thats the crux of the issue. Since leaving home I have never ever gone to them for anything that I can recall ever and here we are in this situation..I have covered the cost of all my disability needs and I just don't know where to start when adding up the financial cost. And with going to the physio again and appointments to finally deal with the stress Ive been diagnosed with, that will all be time out of my working day and so will put pressure on the finances and the length of my working hours. It's this side of it that my family are totally blind to and to go over it all will just upset me, poss cause an argument and I just can not go there..
So, how do I tell them I don't want to talk without going round in circles with what they and I have said before.. Really to me if they were sorry for their stance on the issue they would say that and be saying we are behind you. Lets move on.. But that hasn't been said and really I can't cope with anything more thats negative about my life. I know I will be worrying now. This is how I know I am not quite well or clear headed because I am sick to death of having to defend myself and fight to have the basic life choices that I believe are my basic right aren't they?..What is so wrong with me wanting to work?....My current plan is to be polite and nice to my parents , at the end of the day I do love them, but I don't feel able to tell them anything, nor my sister and I would not approach either for any kind of help in the future... That way none of them can have a go at me.. I need to stop there. I m actually feeling ill just thinking about it. So, need to sit with dd for a while and try to forget..

Keeping_Motivated

Can you not send them a text just saying that you want to put it behind you and agree to disagree rather than go over old ground and fall out again. You would rather move on and be friends without discussing it as you wish to carry on with your own plan and don't want to upset you or them by discussing it again.

Chocforever

For what it's worth, I would continue to ignore the messages because it illustrates that you have the control here because it is about your life and your DD's life. You don't want to have the conversation with them now so don't.

They offered you unconditional help. It seems to me they are now going back on this and in exchange for their money, they are demanding you listen to their ideas and expect you to change the way you live because it suits them and gives them peace of mind. That just isn't fair. The solution is not for you to feel guilty, but for them to realise their behaviour is unacceptable. That doesn't mean you don't love them or appreciate what they have done in the past and will do in the future.

It is evident from reading your recent posts that you have got enough on your plate at the moment without taking on other peoples' stresses and concerns.

You know that if you can keep going with the debt repayments a few more years, the interest element comes down, you may be able to overpay and life gets easier. Hang in there. You know you can do it.

beanielou

Good idea from Keeping Motivated.
Keep plodding.

Verbatim

Absolutely. You are in control of your life: you have the power: you can choose when and if to speak to your family and on what terms.

So any of the following could be helpful??

I'll let you know; I'm too busy right now but I'll be in touch soon; it's lovely of you to be concerned but I'm too busy to see you/ come over /spare an afternoon etc at the moment; I'll call; I'll check my diary and get back to you...............

Or
let me know when you've thought about what I said; have you taken my position on board? how will this visit be different? what does it take for you to hear where I'm coming from; I'm not prepared to go over old ground again

If polite hasn't worked how about cards on the table?