Today is a new day!

Verbatim

InaPickle wrote: »

*Hugs*

Next time they are being so negative could you put the shoe on the other foot by saying 'How would you feel if I said that you were too old to work and that you should retire, and give up working as you should technically be drawing your pension. How would that feel?', then see what your mum says. If she says 'Well, there's no reason for me to do so as I'm still able to work', perhaps you could say something along the lines of 'Well so can I, and until that changes permenantly, I'm going to do so. You don't give up easily, so why do you expect me to do so? I'm your daughter and you taught me to fight. You can't then tell me which fights to fight and which to ignore: and me providing for me and my daughter is the biggest fight worth fighting as far as I am concerened.'

I bet once she thinks about it, she will go very quiet, very quickly!

hear hear Good idea Pickle

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

POF would you ever consider letting your family read this diary?

Hi Km, no I dont think I would. I think they would be horrified and the less they know how I feel the better because all it will do is upset them and I just have to take responsibilty for my situation. I have tried writing a letter to my mum and sister. Its in the draw for now! Take care xx

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

InaPickle wrote: »

*Hugs*

Next time they are being so negative could you put the shoe on the other foot by saying 'How would you feel if I said that you were too old to work and that you should retire, and give up working as you should technically be drawing your pension. How would that feel?', then see what your mum says. If she says 'Well, there's no reason for me to do so as I'm still able to work', perhaps you could say something along the lines of 'Well so can I, and until that changes permenantly, I'm going to do so. You don't give up easily, so why do you expect me to do so? I'm your daughter and you taught me to fight. You can't then tell me which fights to fight and which to ignore: and me providing for me and my daughter is the biggest fight worth fighting as far as I am concerened.'

I bet once she thinks about it, she will go very quiet, very quickly!

Thank you Pickle. Im so sorry I haven't popped into your diary yet for a while. I dont mean to be a selfish thing. But thank you for these words. Im not mad then thinking as I do about what was said to me. You would feel the same too in my shoes? Im not twisting anything. It has been as it has. Take care Pickle..

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

So, a quick update before I collect dd from my mums. Money is just about in check. All bills sorted and on time. Have had a great pick up of orders today, just over £500. Done just under £1K, about £950 this week.

My family: well we had a get together for mums birthday. My sis had contacted me last week to say her dh could come over and do some DIY bits which I guessed was her way of saying sorry for her part in recent conversations without actually saying sorry if you see what I mean. I gratefully said yes and so her dh did some things in my garden while I was out working. Great. Now before or around when I discovered the bank had credited my account with £400 I had asked my sis if she could lend me some money. First time I had ever asked her and although I helped her out when we were in her twenties with money, I thought if she could she would knowing what it was like having been in that position herself. Well at the time she said no, they couldn't afford to which I understood of course. But it turns out she and her family are going out to Australia for a month, they've just booked it. She was telling me all about it at the do. Of course Im thrilled for her, and she said she felt dreadful that she hadn't loaned me the money. I then told her about my good fortune with the Halifax payt only for her to say why on earth hadn't I told her about it. It would have made her feel happier abt turning me down....
Mum has said nothing more about anything. I could have done with walking with my walking stick on Sunday at her family party when we went out for a walk after lunch but I couldn't bear any comments about it from my sis or mum. So I didn't. My foot has been feeling q stiff and awkward for some reason and I just dont want to give them any reaon to tell me I should be "looking at my options".
The other thing that has got me is my sis has told me I should accept my lot, we all can't have what we want. And then she was showing us all her dream house that comes on the market ... So, I thought you can dream but for some reason its not allowed for me to dream. So, I just stayed quiet and focused on the positive aspects of the day. I do not want to keep feeling bitter. I just know never to go to either my mum or sis if Im in need again.

Two other things have happened since my last post. Dd and I are going away to Newcastle with the National Victims Assoc at the end of May for 5 days. They are paying for us to go and I am v grateful.
Dd is v excited. Its ironic that whilst my family are globe trotting all over the place, dd and I would not be going anywhere without the kindness of this charity! Secondly, Ive had an appt with someone from Health In Mind, the organisation my doc refered me to. The lady I saw thinks Im suffering from a form of post traumatic stress re my dh situation and with stress anyway trying to keep things going in what is considered a hostile environment with my disability and with so much negativity surrounding my attempts to keep working. Essentially, its all or nothing. If I keep working I have to realise as I do that I am on my own with v little support. If I dont work, I would be entitled to the v support that would help keep me working. No I just can not go there. Im terrified my DLA will be taken from me. That is the one thing I can count on but for how much longer. Will they care I fall, or trip or get so tired or need dd to do things for me or will they see I am working and therefore say I do not qualify....

InaPickle

I have no answers r.e. DLA, PaF, but I do think you are doing ever so well with the everything else! :T

Keep up the good work and take care of yourself. x

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Thanks ever so pickle. Wheres your diary? Have to get off now, been looking for it and must have missed it! Hope you are ok and keeping well. Thanks for all your encouraging words. Take care!

InaPickle

I'm now diaryless, which means I spend more time on other people's, having fun there.

Take care again. I'm going to watch some DVD before bed.

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Well, the last few days not gone to plan to say the least! Sunday, mm mum came round with a small bag of shopping which was v kind of her and for which I thanked her v much. I wasn't expecting her and had been crying so I couldn't make myself look ok in time. We ended up having a row and she walked out of the house. Basically, shes saying I need to make changes if Im finding things hard, they are not there for me. She has a friend whose partner of a few months died in a motorbike accident and shes moved on and has a flat paid for by the council and is v happy so I should be the same. Its 7 years since dh died. I should have moved on by now and met someone etc etc. Then, money is tight for her and my dad and they live within their means. I said I do now and I suggested she downsize her house to ease the finances for her or sell one of their three cars. Mum said they didn't want to, and I said to her what makes you think I want to then. You are telling me to do something you would not do and getting cross with me as I want to work etc etc.She stormed out.
Then since then Ive been weeping on and off and just felt worn out with it all, so what happens yesterday. I fall! On to a customers rockery in her garden. I rolled down after the initial fall and all I could do was thank the lord I hadn't broken anything. A couple who saw what happened took me into their home, dressed the wounds and gave me a sweet cup of tea while I wept and made a fool of myself in their lounge! So, Ive opened the grazes from the falls in January just when they were healing, hurt my good arm its going to have a lovely big graze and bruise, my hip and side of the leg also is going to bruise wonderfully!!. Otherwise, Im fine. Will not be telling my family at all. I can hide the proof under cardigans and trousers so thats fine. Intend to work today and I can rest tomorrow. I planned to work from home tomorrow but will prob just rest and then I have decided to not speak to my family about anything. I need positiveness around me, not this attitude of Im a second cass citizen while they all do what they want while I have to do as Im told for a quiet life. Its not going to happen. I was 4th in the retailer list in my group last month. I picked up approx £400 in orders yesterday. I can do this and will. Positivity is what I need to focus on.....I will not be giving up anytime soon and as I said to mum on Sunday, I know the path of my choice is alonely one and even more so now because clearly my family are not there for me as well if I continue onthis path and "official" support from anywhere else would again only be poss if Im on Incapacity. I am just so grateful to the charities involved with us and who believe in what I have achieved and want to continue achieving. The bills are upstraight, the orders are coming in, I will be back to normal in a few days and I will not give up!..

satchmo1

Oh P&F I'm so sorry to hear about your fall, your weepiness and your mum's insensitivity. Well done for all your wonderful achievements. Do you know, I bet your mum tells all her friends how wonderfully you cope and how brilliant you are at your business, and how proud she is of you.

All your forum friends think you are raising your daughter in a wonderfully loving way, all your forum friends think how wonderfully you cope with your physical difficulties, all your forum friends hold you up as a fine example to us all in overcoming dark days.

Be comforted by the hugs from your daughter, and the light of love that shines out of her which is a reflection of the love you surround her with.

Be kind to yourself, by resting today if you can, and by knowing that this too shall pass.

Hugs, Satchmo xx

beanielou

Sorry to hear about your fall.
as we both know when we fall we really jiggle ourselves up
Take care of you & keep plodding.
Remember fall down seven times, stand up eight.
xxx