Today is a new day!

Different_Corner

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED wrote: »

Anyway, my customer thinks alot of the way Im feeling could be related to my dh situation which I know it is, I still ask myself how do I get over it and more importantly how do I help my dd

Dear Paf

I know we are in the same situation, though different circumstances. To be honest I don't think we get over it, I think we learn to live with it. We expect so much from ourselves, and it's so bl**dy hard. The emotional stuff can hit you out of the blue anytime, let alone the day to day stuff. So sometimes I just let it.

I look at my two and I'm very proud as I'm sure you are of your DD. These circumstances change a person, and I guess a little bit of us is holding on to what was.

Keep fighting PAF, we'll be okay, in fact we'll be more than that, one day we'll look back and wonder at our acheivements

Hugs.

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Well, you could say I had a v proactive day yesterday however this am I still feel "heavy" and sitting here telling myself to think positive, come on, its alright. Went to the docs, saw a doc who I had never seen before, she is refering me to a group called Health and Mind I think its called and I will hear from them in 2 to 4 weeks. Have never heard of them but she says they will help so thats wonderful. She thinks Ive just been coping because thats what I have had to do and that the shock of what has transpired in the last decade ( she includes dealing with my dh when he was alive and alcoholic) has started to hit me. She pointed out that when dh was murdered, dd was still a baby and all the rest and I am not a failure just because I was trying and am trying to be Superwoman! So, after using a number of her tissues - I didn't intend to cry, well I wept, it just happened - I was relieved she didn't think I was a lunatic!!

Then I managed to get through to a organisation on the tel that helps disabled people deal with debt. He is calling me in a couple of days when he can confirm an appt as his diary is currently fully booked. I like the idea of going with a group that understands the difficulties that disability can bring in dealing with finance and life. But, interstingly after speaking to him, I don't feel any relief. Im now thinking I could keep going as I am, perhaps when he calls back Ill say dont worry. But we shall wait and see...

Meanwhile I did text my sis and see if she could lend me any money. With a family of 3 it was no surprise that the answer came back no. I just want to achieve a situation where I am not chasing the wind. Im meeting the bills but because I am constantly going to the bank with my cash etc and using up petrol in the process. If it could be there in the first place then it would save time, money and energy. Thats what Im thinking. At the mo, its a constant rush to get there the day before something is due and so on. But at least I have the money to pay in and I am grateful for that. My sis I thought would help because I have given/lent her money in the past you see. Anyway, have a busy day and better get on.

Verbatim

Hi PAF.

Can't you get KL to pay your money straight into the bank?

taxi73

the dr sounds very understanding and that group may be good

beanielou

What taxi says.

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Verbatim wrote: »

Hi PAF.

Can't you get KL to pay your money straight into the bank?

Hi Verbatim, Kl pay my bonus in by bacs every 4 weeks. The cash is my commission from when I deliver the goods. Customers in the main pay by cash, sometimes chq and that needs a visit to the bank. Best Wishes.

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

So, thursday saw me contacting tax credits. I recd a letter from them in feb saying I would receive a credit into my account and future payments I was due would be reduced to account for that credit and my entitlement wasn't different so there was nothing to worry about. It was all because of new computer systems they were putting in place. Well, they have reduced my payt each week but its been exceeding what they credited me with and the shortfall has now become a deficit of £71.96. Essentially I have been £17 short each week and when I called to find out why their explanation was as clear as mud!! Apparently what they have done is right. I did get to speak to a team manager who was true to her word, she looked into it and called me back. She apologised as I had recd no warning of a £71.,96 loss in order to account for it in advance. Suffice to say, I am cancelling childcare during April to make up for the shortfall. Will play it by ear so if I can afford the odd day I will but this month is going to be a challenge anyway with so many days off from school for dd and the bank hols. Instead of getting 2/3 orders put through in a week, I will only be able to turn around 1/2 each week during the three shorter weeks and thats concerning me. I don't yet know how that will effect cashflow so I just need to be positive and pray it will turn out ok. I can plan only so much and yet again I am worrying my best will not be good enough but I have to stop thinking like this and feel confident. Dd will just come out with me to work. I can make it fun, have a picnic etc.

On the positive side, a shortfall of £600 I apparently owe to tax credits over the last year will be paid back by June so my tax credits will increase then by some £60 a month or so according to the lady I spoke to. I did know of the overpayment but have never understood why it exists and I may raise it with my accountant. I do not lie with my figures to them, I have to initially project what I will earn etc but in fact I have in the past under projected to avoid owing them money so clearly that doesn't work! When they were telling me I owed them £6K a few years ago and my accountant became involved because I disputed it he somehow was able to show them they were wrong and they in fact owed me £1K. To think I could be still paying them back £6K now if I hadn't faced them head on is quite horrific. Thank you dear accountant!!! He told me they lose billions every year due to the system not working. So, anyway, it was a stressful day sorting it out on thursday. Thankfully, my tax credits revert to a new higher amount next week, not the usual higher amount which confuses me even more because again I have not been advised and as we all know every penny needs to count and how can you budget effectively if you don't know where you are? So stressful. Yes, I wept many tears on thursday trying to stay calm and not worry when waiting for the team leader lady to call me back.

I have not yet heard back from the disabled charity re my debts but I am strangely comfortable about that. I know MBNA are changing their repayments so I will be paying more to them each month which isn't necessarily a bad thing but finding out from tax credits that in a couple of months I will be due a "rise" makes me think I can keep going. If Ive been able to see through the last two years since my light bulb moment, things can only surely get better. my Kl orders are still v consistent, my newsletter goes out imminently so the potential is there for another team member or two. As long as I can make the repayments to everyone which Im doing I feel comfortable but clearly it would be good to assess my options. Will see what next week brings..Its a lovely day here. Have been trying to chill out this am, still have house chores to do and tom we are seeing my parents and visiting my brother and his girlfriend. Im in charge of making the scones.... Am trying to feel joy. I do feel it when I watch or am with my dd. We went to the sea yesterday evewhich was nice to sit and watch while dd collected stones, v calming, that was nice. The simple pleasures I think will hold the answer..

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Well, dear dd. Mothers Day I was presented with 2 cards. One granny bought for her to write in and one she made. both really lovely. Also had a new apron which I wore on Sunday while making supper! We saw my brother and had a lovely time at his. Could be we use his place as a base from which to have a weekend break in the summer. Will wait and see..

Other news quickly. Still not yet heard from the disabled charity re debts. Picked up some fabulous orders yesterday. Have decided to stop speaking with my family about my life as I don't think im helping myself or them by doing that. My sis is adamant I should be doing things differently to how I am and I just feel whatever I do it will always be wrong to her and indeed my mum. What Im doing in my life is being tolerated by them, thats how it feels. Its definately not what they want for me and it does make me so sad that they can not see beyond it and see what I am achieving in difficult circumstances. I don't know. I don't want to fall out with them, I love them all. Anyway, I have a lot of positive affirmations on doors around my home and one of the sayings says, "What other people think of you is none of your business" Another says" Do not allow what others say or do make you frown". Another says" Fly on the wings of your mightiest dreams" "Look deep inside your heart and you will find strength. Believe in yourself". Well, suffice to say I have a lot of work to do on my self to become a better and stronger person and aspire to such words!!!! I do intend to hold my own, when Im 55 which is in 10 years is the target for me to be completely mortgage as well as debt free, and still have a business with strong foundations and that is what I will achieve!! and indeed am. I need to keep believing that....

Verbatim

Mortgage free at 55 is an achievement in itself for anyone! And you'll get there against the odds, no doubt!

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Something miraculous happened this week, well yesterday in fact! My mortgage is with the Halifax and they have credited my mortgage with £400. I telephoned them yesterday to sort out the £560 I owed them. Don't worry he said its £160 you owe. Are you sure, I replied, I need to pay you £560. No, you will be getting a letter in the post. It relates to the interest we have charged you and we have given you £400 as a goodwill gesture... I checked it wasn't a late April Fool , that it was correct. Still waiting for the letter to explain but I don't care. Suffice to say, the phone call was followed with a dance of thankfulness around the house!!! I didn't care if anyone saw me, I just was so thankful. That feeling, I want to bottle it, I would be a millionaire over night if I could. The relief, the wonderment, the joy at what has happened. I - we all - I believe have a guardian angel and my guardian angel wants me to know that we will get through this time, that dd and I will be ok, are ok and will achieve the ultimate goal of debt freeness. That's why I need to stick to my guns and follow my plan. Ensure dd and I can keep this dear little home of ours. Yes, yesterday I felt like a million dollars, and today I still can't quite believe what has happened and just want to thank god, dh, angels, not forgetting the Halifax of course!!!! Yes, and then today a cheque for £48.48 from the auction rooms for a further sale there. In my new money saving way, none of this means we will be spending, I am being sensible and know the next few weeks will be tough with the three shorter weeks and dd off from school. For the first time in a very long time I am feeling more sure of myself in what I want to achieve for dd and I. Yes if there is a god reading this, thank you so v much!...