Today is a new day!

InaPickle

Aw PAF, I'm so sorry to hear about all that.

No doubt your fall was linked to all your emotional turmoil.

Perhaps your mum will go away and think about things and realise where you are coming from with the 'you want me to do what you aren't prepared to do yourself, so why expect me to do it' angle. If not, at least you truly know where you stand and you won't have lots of nagging in your direction. (Small mercy, I know).

eErhaps some tea tree and lavender essential oils will help your scars heal a bit quicker? And maybe some arnica for the bruising?

*Hugs*

beanielou

Arnica also helps with the jaggly feeling from the falling.

taxi73

So sorry to hear of your fall on top of everything else going on.You are one tough cookie and we are all very proud of what you achieve xx take care xx

Verbatim

Sorry to hear about your fall P & F. Sounds dramatic! I hope the couple who helped have given you a nice big order! (Just joking).
But seriously, as usual you respond in a positive forward looking way. And your bills are all paid and your finances are more secure than ever. Well done for all you have and will achieve and for the positive role model you are giving your daughter.

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Oh dear, I came on here and reading your posts. Just makes me feel so humble. I so need this forum. I'm sorry I don't get to go on all your diaries regularly and support you in such a wonderful way. I will make that my priority after the Half Term. I do aim to come from contribution .. Thank you for your kindness and encouragement...

So, developments. Mum came round on Friday with a letter. I didn't read it until I popped into a friend who also happens to my best friend and one of neighbours. Neither of us could believe the content. Now it is true Mum has helped me out financially to the tune of £868 over the last couple of years, this includes my last car adaption and a couple of boiler repair bills. It doesn't include the odd bag of shopping which she has done periodically. I have never asked her to pay or do these things, she offered, but it obviously helped me out considerably and I have always always said thank you and made her and dad scones or cake or something as a thank you gift.... Well, in her letter she says she can no longer be there for me financially, she quoted a friend's telephone number who is on Incapacity Benefit and told me I must discuss this option...My sister is also wanting me to do this..

Now , you would think mum has a point wouldn't you. I have just fallen which she still doesn't know about, finances are tight but manageable but clearly I may need to consider options if my falling gets worse..
and its not necessarily healthy for parents to cover costs for you..
However, what I object to is that my parents have never helped me with my disability financially since I've left home until the car adaption last year. But they had help from my Granny and Grandpa regularly with my needs as a child so my point being they have received financial help too, more so than ever I could hope for or would ever dream of asking for.. And they have spent more than this £868 on their dog over the years..Similarly, my sister has benefited from hundreds of pounds I lent and indeed gave her when we were in our twenties. I couldn't drive back then because I was epileptic and so she would give me a lift whenever we visited mum and dad so it was the least I felt I could do to contribute to her car costs. But shes conveniently forgotten all that... Then they all have established businesses, jobs etc amd that includes my mum at 71 years but I'm supposed to give up mine at a drop of a hat at just the age of 45! And then really neither of them have a leg to stand on with me as far as Im concerned because in the cold light of day they have got to where they are with the energy of two, themselves and their husbands whilst I am doing ths on my own with dd before and since my dh murder. So, its the fact that it all stinks of double standards and it feels like I'm being bullied into submission, two against one and all of that...Anyway, I am going to keep mum's letter. If ever I need it in future because it states exactly what Im up against with my family. They want me on benefits. They want me to give up. There is therefore very little or no support from my family. In deed, one could say they would rather spend their money on their dog than their daughter who has never asked for much if anything financially all my life..

So, whats my reply. It's tough of course. I love you mum but if you have nothing positive to say , then say nothing at all. My mortgage, bills are up to date. I have orders in the pipelne. Yes, things could be easier but I will work on that. I am not prepared to give up...yet. If I decide to go on benefits then that will happen at my choosing. She need never fear because I wil never go to her for money.. But, I have such lovely customers. I love what I do. I could seriously see myself crawl up to people's house if I had to to keep going. I have every intention of being debt and mortgage free by the time I'm 55 and the odd fall is not going to stop me on that path...

Regarding my fall, it is getting better but it has been painful. Its all hit my good side and that is worse in a way because thats the side I use. Driving is getting better but driving round roundabouts has ached my shoulder, my leg is still a mass of black and blue bruises but they are getting better. I've had to tell customers because when its been too hot to wear a cardigan, the bruise on my arm is there for all to see. It's going more blue than black now!!! Even so, there is so much to be grateful for. Dd and I will be working for an hour and a half or so later. Ive had to rest more to cope so I've not been able to fit all that I would want rto in each day hence the working a bit today. But its all doable, and I've been using my walking stick more. It's awkward because of course that takes up my good arm holding on to it so I have to keep putting it down and picking it up every time I need to do something with my good hand. But in the scheme of things thats not too bad a price to pay. So, thats my news. Thank you to anyone reading for all your support. Dd and I will survive and be ok...Onwards and upwards...!

InaPickle

Go for it, PaF! There may indeed come a day when you have to reconsider your options, but that day is not today, nor is it tomorrow. So long as you can keep saying that, you will remain in a good position!

As for that letter, keep it for when your resolve weakens. It will, on a bad day, but print out your last post and read it on a bad day, too, to remind yourself that good days do happen and will happen again.

If it makes you feel better, perhaps you could pay your mum back the money she spent on you? I mean, you could secretly save it up over a fairly long period of time, and maybe you would make you feel more independant when you give it her back with a cheery 'Thanks for helping me when I needed it, but here's what you lent me back now I no longer do'. It sounds like your mum has a fairly short memory about help she got she was younger, but if that's the way it is, that's the way it is and you won't change her if she has hit 71 and thinks like that, so you might as well crack on with making your life and DD's life as happy as possible regardless.

But take care of yourself in the meantime. Don't push yourself to the point where you are so tired you trip over. Being truly independant means also taking responsability for making sure that you are in a position to earn for you both tomorrow and the day after, and the day after that, and a hsospital bed doesn't push round your route very easily

Keep going PaF: we are rooting for you! :j :T

poorbutrich

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED wrote: »

Dd and I will survive and be ok...Onwards and upwards...!

You said it!!
You're amazing.

How disappointing that your own mother can't even see it; I just can't imagine how her mind works? Who in their right mind would rather see their daughter doing nothing and on benefits when she should be incredibly proud of you and your daughter?

Verbatim

poorbutrich wrote: »

You said it!!
You're amazing.

How disappointing that your own mother can't even see it; I just can't imagine how her mind works? Who in their right mind would rather see their daughter doing nothing and on benefits when she should be incredibly proud of you and your daughter?

Exactly!! How about your dad PAF? Is he more approachable/ on your side?

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Oh thank you everyone. You have made me feel better... Dad says nothing . He still is yet to ask me how I am after falling three times back in January. I find it staggering really but thats just the way he is. Very quiet, a good man, just very quiet.. He loves his dog, and I know my brother and sister feel the same. We all love him, but he is far from approachable
So, next thing on the agenda. The school... Would you believe it, dd's school teacher has told my dd that she wants to see me about the 5/10 minute late situation which has been like it is due largely to the falling this year, and I was thinking we had been doing ok. I can't recall if they know I am on medication for my past epilepsy too. Whether that would add to their case that I am not a good mother bearing in mind the detail of their last report... I know Ive told them that mornings full stop are not my best time by far and the recovering from falling obviously doesn't help. I just don't trust them, and am on my guard...So, this has come back to haunt us. I couldn't sleep properly last night. I don't know how much to tell them, do I put anything in writing. Will they think Im incapable like my family do? Will they report us to Soc Services again? Will they make our lives stressful again? Whirling round my mind it was... So, this morning I took the situation in hand and spoke to one of the lovely reception ladys in private and told her I could not go through a repeat of last year... They will simply have to understand or I will take dd out of the school which I don't want to do really because t's not dds fault and she likes being there but if the stress is going to kick off again and it stresses dd out too that is what I will need to consider. It was all sorted I thought at the meeting with the Head..... What would they have me do if they were in my shoes...

On the mum front, Ive written a short letter to her. She has texted me wanting to meet but with dd and I going to Newcastle at the weekend and with still recovering from my fall, Its imperatif I keep focused, get my business in order, the money sorted and everything organised for when we come home, and therefore I need to stay in control of myself. If I see mum and we talk about things I will make myself more ill and stressed than I feel now so it's a no go for now...In my letter Ive basically said that whilst I love them v much what they want to see me do is simply not going to happen. All the while I can I will run my business. And just as an example, dd was with me doing a few deliveries after school the other day and my customers loved seeing her. I love to help my customers too, get them a pint of milk or whatever if they are housebound and need a hand... I feel they are all my extended family, and I love being of service to them... I met a friend for lunch yesterday, it's my birthday next week while we are in Newcastle and she treated me to lunch. While we were there I saw three customers in there too. All of them said hi etc. It's lovely having that sort of thing happen, and I thought then I will fight to the end to keep going!

So, thats my last few days. I am off out to collect orders. In just half a week so far I've collected £550 worth so that sets us in good stead... I feel that God is on our side!...

Verbatim

Good for you PAF. What will the receptionist do, do you think? Talk to the Head?