Today is a new day!

poorbutrich

P&F, I really hope you're ok. After everything you've been through, it would be astonishing if you didn't have low moments and feel like weeping. You don't sound like the sort of person who would want to sit back, live off benefits and give up your successful business. You've worked so hard, please don't let someone who can't help you blow you off course.

Your DD sounds like an amazing person and you have been responsible for raising this lovely, helpful, positive child. Pat yourself on the back, have a good cry now and then and make sure you're looking after yourself. If there isn't a charity who can help disabled working parents, and you think there should be one, then why not start one locally? Was it Gandhi who said: "Be the change you want to see in the world"?

I hope I haven't come across as patronising at all - I think you're an inspiration and hate to see you not being looked after because you don't fit certain boxes on a form.

xx

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

POF I am sorry that you still continue to hit so many brick walls when you keep trying to reach out for help while maxing yourself out helping yourself.

I am still thinking that if you definately don't want credit in the future that making going on some kind of debt management plan would take the pressure off? I mean you would still be working so keeping your independence and house and you would still be paying back the debt (not shirking it) but you would be taking some of the weekly/monthly stress of payment deadlines off yourself?

Hi Km, thank you for popping in. I did recently write to Sainsburys with whom I have a debt asking if they would reduce my interest rate. They would but only if I fall behind with my payments which doesn't sit well with me. At this point in time I am upstraight with everyone. Then I recd a letter from them yesterday asking me to complete an expenditure form to then agree a lower interest rate so I assume meaning without going behind with my payts.. I need to speak to the person who is "assigned" to me there as the tel number on the letter was a voicebox and the letter itself was dated 6th Jan!!! There is an organisation the Disabled Persons Network lady did find out about which I had never heard of and they are called Disability Info Svces for Sussex and they deal with debt issues. They are open 3 days a week and I am phoning them next week to see what they can do to help if anything. Simply I like the idea that they would understand things from the disabled perspective presumably. Such as the impact my falling over and requiring physio - eating into the working day - has had on my debt for eg. The fact that tasks take longer to do. And in dealing with financial organisations maybe they will add some kind of formality if I decide to go down the Debt plan route. Thank you. Best Wishes to you.

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

poorbutrich wrote: »

P&F, I really hope you're ok. After everything you've been through, it would be astonishing if you didn't have low moments and feel like weeping. You don't sound like the sort of person who would want to sit back, live off benefits and give up your successful business. You've worked so hard, please don't let someone who can't help you blow you off course.

Your DD sounds like an amazing person and you have been responsible for raising this lovely, helpful, positive child. Pat yourself on the back, have a good cry now and then and make sure you're looking after yourself. If there isn't a charity who can help disabled working parents, and you think there should be one, then why not start one locally? Was it Gandhi who said: "Be the change you want to see in the world"?

Hi Poorbut rich
Its funny you should suggest this since recently I have helped afew of my elderly customers who are in a position of caring for their husbands and are overwhelmed by the task when they are elderly themselves. None are on the internet and I have found out info for them from Age Uk etc and local organisations to find out about benefits etc. It did make me think that combined with my own experiences of trying to find out info and support for me in my situation what a lovely thing it would be to do to help people find out where to go and what to do to make their lives easier. It is something I have written inmy goal book to reflect on and somehow find a way to do something about it. I did also this week speak to a group near to me called the East Sussex Disability Assoc (ESDA for short). They originally helped me complete my DLA application and I wanted to know if I was a lunatic to be working and was I likely to qualify for a higher rate of care component of DLA if I applied. I have btw decided not to apply since the lady there explained that all people on DLA are going to be reviewed by the govt and clearly the objective would be to take people off it not give them a higher rate. I have DLA for life and all those who receive it for life will be reviewed last of all. I decided I didn't want to invite another battle into my life before I have to and it is clear to me that I must make sure my medical records reflect the true state of my health. So, for eg I have not yet advised my doc of my last two falls only the one on the 5th Jan which I want to go and see her about anyway because I still have a "wound" from that fall which is not healing as it should have done by now given we are nearly 3 months on! On the positive front at ESDA, 80% of the workforce are disabled so the lady I spoke to was disabled and working and she said btw that I didn't sound a lunatic!! I may call them back and see if any of that 80% are parents/single parents and what do they do for extra support if needed. For me without a doubt without the 2 charities involved with me and dd, in fact it is now 3 charities as dd has her first Care for Carers monthly social function she is attending next week, without any of their belief in me/us we would be absolutely not where we are today. Thankyou poorbutrich , take care.

Keeping_Motivated

Just a thought but if you did go on some kind of debt plan would they take your DLA as part of your income (surely not?) and if not then your repayments would only be based on your wage which might 'free up' your DLA for you to pay for help eg a cleaner or admin help for your business? Which would take pressure of you and DD.

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

So, its been quite a week and I have really done a lot of soul searching and thinking out and about in the car. Many of my Kl customers are more than acquaintances and customers, they are all simply fantastic, I ended up weeping on the doorstep of one when I was delivering her order. She invited me in for a cuppa and has since sent me a card. I have refrained from going on anti depressants since my dh died. After all, I am on medication for life anyway and I want to limit my "drug" intake but she did suggest a visit to the doc just to explain how Im feeling. My doc was v supportive during the Social Services saga, and so I will make an appt to see her not least because my good leg has a wound on the knee from my fall in Jan which is not healing and 3 months on I need to get it sorted! Anyway, my customer thinks alot of the way Im feeling could be related to my dh situation which I know it is, I still ask myself how do I get over it and more importantly how do I help my dd, to the way I have felt "persecuted" for bringing dd up on my own re the social services report, for working or at least trying to work inspite of the ongoing threat of falling and almost being made to feel guilty for doing so, for not doing what my family have made clear they think I should do, for my financial situation which I have told her a bit about. She says Im doing a fab job, to take positive action. I said Im sorry for taking up her time, she said she felt privileged I could confide in her. I knew then that I could never give up Kl. It is more than just a job, I have wonderful customers, they are part of my life, part of dd's. And Kl is the route through which I have complete hope for the future. If I forget about the challenges on the way I know I am in the right place doing this, its my business, and I feel so so blessed that that is so.

So, plan of attack. Remind myself all is well, finances are tight but under control. Every month the debt is reducing and according to my plan within 120 months it will all be gone! Kl orders are going well, sold £1K this week, and tomorrow I am preparing my newsletter to customers which I am hopeful may bring some interest into anyone wanting to join my Kl team. Ebay going well, will know on Monday how much my pictures sold for at auction. So, that is all v proactive. Two important appts to make, one with my doctor, the second with an organisation which helps disabled people with debt problems if their website is correct so will see if I can arrange to see someone there and test the water as to what they can offer by way of advice for someone in my situation.

On with a lovely weekend. Just about to have breakfast, tidy the house, washing, and have a rest before preparing a meal for later as my parents are coming over for supper. Am doing a chicken casserole with roast spuds and a pear crumble with vanilla icecream.

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

Just a thought but if you did go on some kind of debt plan would they take your DLA as part of your income (surely not?) and if not then your repayments would only be based on your wage which might 'free up' your DLA for you to pay for help eg a cleaner or admin help for your business? Which would take pressure of you and DD.

I wouldn't be surprised if they do. British Gas who do a rate for disabled customers included my DLA and child tax credit element which pays for dds childcare to work out if I could benefit from the disabled rate. Suffice to say it pushed me over their limit and I dont qualify! We will wait and see ....
If my MP contacts me, I have an array of issues I think need to be addressed if he wants more disabled people in the workplace and if this coalition govt are looking to take more people off DLA, and again if you work and are on DLA questions will be asked apparently so despite my disability being with me for ever more and deteriorating I will no doubt be questioned because I dare work and try to work. How will that help the plight of those of us desperately trying to have the choices others can take for granted and choose work as a feasible option? I would ask why bother putting a disabled person through school if it is not recognised that those with disabilities still have brains, dreams, goals etc, we just might need an extra hand to achieve them but if we dare to live out those dreams all areas of support are not there hardly at all. How can that be right or just? Yes, we will wait and see if my MP does contact me!!!

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Well, the weekend went smoothly. Had a nice time with my parents, got the majority of dd's homework bits done yesterday and even managed to sit in the garden for awhile watching my dd clean the trampoline which she really enjoyed! Bless her!. However, my iron has broken but considering its lasted a while and cost me £4 from Tesco Im not too upset! and also the school have asked for voluntary contributions to dd's swimming lessons with them later this year. They say its voluntary but then on the reply slip you have to specify how you WILL pay! With dd at school for only 9 days in April I've responded by saying I am having to budget for higher childcare costs in April and account for 4 bank hols which will disrupt my earning potential being self employed and with food and petrol finding an extra £24 is not going to be possible right now.

On a serious note have made an appt to see my doc on weds and later today will phone the disabled organisation re my debt. Whilst I love my parents to bits, there is a pamper evening in aid of the school this week. Mum asked if I was going. Well of course Im not because of getting a babysitter but she is. The PTFA did one last year and I could only go for an hour while dad looked after dd because mum wanted him to have a massage so that was that then. Im aware I just never have a break from dd in an evening and until I can afford to pay a babysitter I am resigned to being that this is the way it will be till shes a teenager. Even school events I can not go to unless they are things I can take dd to. Its just finished me off hearing that mum is going and clearly ive got to address this bitterness I suppose you would call it and remember there is so much I need to be grateful for, and good luck to my mum. I genuinely hope she enjoys the evening. I think shes been asked to give reiki and hypnotherapy which is her business. I just find it ironic that my parents get to attend more pleasurable school events than I can ever hope to! So, onward and upward. A busy proactive day today and off I go to get it all done.

satchmo1

Oh P&F I wish I lived nearby, I'd babysit anytime (and I have enhance CRB clearance).

I get so mad when schools put pressure on parents for contributions without thinking through the individual circumstances. Good for you for pointing out the impact the extra BH's have on your cashflow.

Hugs, Satchmo x

taxi73

the expense for children at school is so high..don't know how you all manage it.
are children not allowed to go to the pamper evening then

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Hi taxi, the pamper eve is for the mums - and dads - to have an eve relaxing and being pampered. I doubt there would be anyone wanting to look after dd there if I was to go as everyone else will be there relaxing away from their children! It's ok. I am v blessed to have dd and there will be many occasions I am sure when I can go out when shes old enough to look after herself. Reading back my posts I am ashamed of how I come accross in recent times, all bitter and twisted which I don't want to be. I love my parents, I love my dd, I love my work, I want to come from contribution , I just don't love how I feel and don't know where to turn without feeling a complete and utter pain and feeling guilty about it. I did some deliveries yesterday. Visited one of my lovely elderly customers whose husband is ill and I asked her how she was coping. Was there anything I could do for her. She said to me, "Dear, I keep going because I have to. If I need a break I go into my garden and watch the squirrels and take pleasure from my flowers." So, she inspired me to keep going too and to be as strong as poss. Learn to find joy in little things which I think has been lost for too long. I mean when I reflect on things how many people when there dh is murdered keep working with a 10 month old to bring up, then deal with the press, trial, then falls, dental surgery and physio. I was mad to think I could keep it going, and not go into debt. I realise Im paying the price for the months I couldn't keep it going financially. Just what was I thinking at the time that I could? I feel I may be paying the price in more ways than one now and my priority has to be my dd, but also my health, in deed both of our wellbeings. I don't want her to be effected by how I feel right now. To that end, my docs appt is tom and I am due to take her to her first Care for Carers social function in a few mins which I am really hoping she will love. While shes there, Im putting out some catalogues in the area to save on petrol and then we will come home and both have an early night!