Today is a new day!

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

So, dd has her singing workshop today! All v exciting.

Other news. Have had a text from mum, shes having a family gathering on the 20th November. "Could I find it in my heart to go?" she texted. It would be wonderful to see you. I'm still undecided.
If we go, I have to really expect to just say Im fine thank you if asked how I am, and listen to them all talk about their news freely and without fear of attack. I wouldn't be able to say anything because none of my life decisions are approved of. Then if anything is said to me about what has happened there would be mum, dad and my sis and then me. 3 against 1 you could say. Then not only would dd be subjected to hear it all ..again but then so would my neices and nephew. That said if that happened dd and I could always leave. And if we go dd has a chance to see her cousins and I can not be accused of breaking up the family by not going.
If we don't go I won't be having to worry about my heart beating in my tummy with nerves having to face them all and fretting about what may or may not be said. It would also bemy way of making a stand and saying yes I would love to draw a line under it all but do you know it is not acceptable to call my dearest friend of all rude for disagreeing with you and putting the phone down on her and a lot has been said that can not be pushed under the carpet just like that. I don't want to play happy families when its anything but. That said would I be selfish re dd by us not going? That also said mum wants to give the children their xmas pressies on the 20th Nov and I dont particularly want dd to have hers then. My sis has decided to go away for a month, not us and for us Xmas is in dec! Plus my neices and nephew dont believe in father Christmas whereas my dd still does and I want to keep that as the case for as long as poss.... So, its a dilemma. I want to the right thing...for me and dd... not necessarily for my family . Oh thats right and then if I decide we are not goingI would then have to decide how to communicate that to mum. Whatever I say or do would be rude or disrespectful to her. If we go I would want to feel able to be me and be carefree and it would be anything but, just nervewracking all the way..Will have to let them know soon.

Must get on ...

chevalier

PAF you are in a no win situation here. No matter what you do you are going to end up in the wrong. So here is my suggestion. You go. But at the first sign of anything said about your health, work etc, just turn around really nicely and say, I am sorry I am here to enjoy my family and not talk about work that is SO boring, then smile sweetly and carry on. If they press then you could say, oh come on why do you want to know about that, lets ask sis how her job is going, or brothers' hey sis how is your job going? Do you get where I am coming from. Deflect deflect deflect. Keep on saying you are here to enjoy the day and have relax from work, not to talk about it, and eventually they will have to play along or else the children will pick up on it.....

Or just say sorry things are a bit too raw for me at the moment, so perhaps we can do something when sis gets back....

Your call.Good luck
chev

Verbatim

Or you could have a prior engagement?

beanielou

Decisions,decisions........

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Am on the verge of deciding to go, texting mum to say that to her but also that it needs to be on the understanding nothing more is said about my life to me. In other words if they start on me, dd and I will be out of their front door!.. Haven't sent the text yet, still thinking. I want to be sure.As you say beanielou, decisions decisions!!!!

InaPickle

Could you have a prior engagement, but pop by for an hour before so you have an excuse to get out if you don't like what happens?

taxi73

think sending the text saying that you'll go but will leave at the first sign of trouble is the best way forward as then you have done your part and they know they only have themselves to blame if they don't behave,

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Thanks one and all! Have committed to attending now, have sent a text to mum saying we would accept their invite to go as long as there is no further confrontation or discussion about what Im doing in my life. Ive offered to collect my brother and his fiance from the station so we can arrive with him, safety in numbers! and I will be parking in the road outside rather than on my parents drive so if there is any problem we can leave and drive away with ease! Feeling a sort of peace about it all, I feel Im doing the right thing by dd and my sis children who I love and haven't seen for 6 months. Anyway time will tell if its the right decision..

Other news, went to parents eve last night at the school. Really proud of dd. Reading above where she needs to be, literacy is where she needs to be and maths slightly below but both I and the teacher will work on that. Dd is v popular and has settled down. Her teacher has been helping her on her self esteem. To me that was admitting last year was tricky with the teacher she had. For eg, if dd is 5 mins late because of me, the teacher this year is not mentioning it, she just lets things flow. I know last year dd would often tell me how she would enter the classroom and the teacher last year would ask her why she was late in front of the whole class and dd would hate it. As it is our lateness record is the best its ever been I think. I am trying, really trying and the school know that so its such a relief to know that bridge has been crossed. The Headmistress saw me last night and said hi and she has recently authorised for dd to have the day off next year when my brother is getting married. My friends suggested I just phone dd sick on the day but I just couldn't do that. With all the social services saga etc I just want to keep my integrity in check and be able to look people in the face knowing I have nothing to hide so instead I advised the situation but as I say as it happens its been authorised and all is well and we can look forward to the wedding!! Its all above board..

Sunday, the 13th will see the 8th year since dh murder. Dd wants to see the bit of beach where I "laid" his ashes. She thought I had effectively "dumped" his body in the sea!! so I had to explain all about cremation and anyway she wants to see it and so we are going to the spot on Sunday to pay our respects. Am thinking she may prefer to go there in future years rather than where it happened which is a lovely park ironically. We've sat in that park before and watched families having lovely times and it has felt so surreal to think that it had been the same place for something so dreadful to happen. Anyway.. with the 11th today this will be a weekend of remembrance certainly..

Business doing well. Just really doing my best. Ebay also have loaded 6 things, one will already sell at its starting price at least, this weekend have plans to load many more things. Basically being as proactive as possible to ensure all stays well... On that note, back to work!

POSITIVE_AND_FOCUSED

Wow! If anyone can offer further guidance please do. Something happened yesterday. I recd a letter from the Halifax regarding my home insurance complaint but in true style had got it wrong again. "Our understanding is you have a complaint regarding your Mortgage Payment Protection Insurance". No. I have a complaint regarding my home insurance and what I was told about how it would effect my mortgage payments etc.

That said, I was driving around thinking like you do while working yesterday afternoon and I thought surely they wouldn't have written to me if I hadn't had PPI on my mortggage. Now I took out a policy on it when my mortgage went to Halifax at the same time. Was advised at the time it was essential. It wasn't called PPI though, I can't find the paperwork but Im sure it was called a Repayment Protection Plan, cover me for life cover, accidents that sort of thing. £90 a month it cost me, high because of my disability and I cancelled it about 2 years ago shortly after my LBM. Then I have two secured loans with a Personal Loans repayment cover, again on both occasions I was told I needed it. Having just read up on this site and the Halifax guide to PPI reclaims it would seem that the fact these policies have different titles doesn't matter, they would constitute PPI. Which is why I never clicked that the PPI situation would apply. And according to Martym Lewis they would be missold because I was not given any other option, It was essential to having the loan and that is misselling!

I phoned the Ombudsman yesterday when I had recd theletter from the Halifax just to check it wasn't as a result of their communication with them and they had got my initial complaint wrong but it wasn't. They've asked me to forward the letter to them which I will but in my covering letter I am going to say that for their info I am going to pursue three complaints regarding three loans in which I know I was missold and furthermore if the same principles apply to all insurance policies I want to point out that regardingmy home insurance complaint I was told I had to transfer my policy to another Lloyds/Halifax one to secure the reduction and refund to my mortgage that never happened so effectively I was missold my new home contents policy that I have.

So, due to Halifax incompetent regarding them getting my original complaint wrong yet again, they may have done me a favour. I have their contact details of the PPI complaints team and I will be on the phone to them Monday morning to explain the situation and check.

I just can not believe I didn't click that these policies would fall under PPI. None of them have that name but it would seem they fall under that umbrella. Trying to stay calm about the potential here to me financially, nevertheless am v excited about what could be. Calm, calm, calm...

Now, I don't want to sound a nutter but sometimes I feel dear dear dh is guiding me from wherever he is in the clouds and throughout this complaint process re the home insurance I've heard his voice in my head say "Go get them girl, go for it, you are doing the right thing" and now this revelation has occured on his "anniversary" of death. To me that really makes me feel at peace and that all will be well. That Halifax making this error is as it is meant to be and now if I get the results I think I could get it would put me in the mortgage/debt free situation nearer 50, by 50 rather than by 55 years as is my current plan. Stay calm. Lou. Wait and see....

Keeping_Motivated

Wow good luck I really hope this all lands in your financial favour. Can't wait to hear how it goes.

Take care of both of you this weekend x