Asking for money as our gift??

MsChazzer

That's kind of what we did lilian, small list but acknowledged people were travelling far and didn't have to get us anything as it was more about celebrating with them. I think a couple of people just gave cards or token gifts, absolutely fine. Some people bought off-list too which was also fine, we got some very special personal gifts.

Poppy9

cleomolly wrote: »

we haven't booked a Honeymoon and wasn't thinking of one untill this came about.

but how can you book one for straight after the wedding if you don't know how much, if any money you will receive?

Yellowbug

Poppy9 wrote: »

but how can you book one for straight after the wedding if you don't know how much, if any money you will receive?

I would guess they wont be going straight after the wedding (plus if they are camping they probably wont need to book...think all the times we have been camping we have only booked ahead once, and we needn't have bothered then really lol)

celyn90

cleomolly wrote: »

I just can't believe people's attitude's towards weddings! if I got an invite from someone (which I guess if I were invited it would be a friend or family) I'd love to go, there would be no thought into how much my new outfit cost or drinks, it's a special occasion to celebrate the marriage of 2 people, and if I knew on my wedding day that half my guests were sat there thinking 'I can't believe how much it's cost me to comehere' or 'I've spent £100 on drinks and taxi's tonight' I'd be mortified, takes the special out of speical occasion.

Sadly however, it's more a practical thing. As much as I like to celebrate with people, the cost is often prohibitive. £100 for us is an awful lot of money, regardless of how much I would want to go I wouldn't get into debt for it. I also think it's sad when people don't understand the finiacial stress they put on people - the last one we went to cost us over £200 in travel costs alone and that couldn't be cut down any further.

As for your original question, I think asking for money or vouchers is simply crass and I think it's very sad that more and more people do this sort of thing nowadays. I'm not being confrontational, it's just my opinion as I just think it takes away from the spirit of it, a wedding is not a pay-per-view event. Gifts shouldn't be an issue, if people want to bring a gift it should be up to them to choose and up to the couple to accept with a smile even if it is another toaster. I always try to offer a skill instead (the cake in my avvy for example!) to avoid it.

Poppy9

Yellowbug wrote: »

I would guess they wont be going straight after the wedding (plus if they are camping they probably wont need to book...think all the times we have been camping we have only booked ahead once, and we needn't have bothered then really lol)

If you have all the stuff though camping only costs pitch fees of £10-15 per night so if I was contributing to a honeymoon I wouldn't feel this was good use of my money as I would expect most people to be able to mange £50-90 for camping fees plus a bit of petrol.

Grogg

I am against the monetary requests too. Find it tacky and rude if i am honest.

Also I cannot afford a holiday with my lovely family and attending a wedding is often a financial struggle even though we do not buy new outfits everytime but we do need travel money, sometimes accommodation and babysitters too. It all adds up.

I maybe old-fashioned but I no longer buy engagement gifts as so many couples do not make it to the wedding.

Yellowbug

Poppy9 wrote: »

If you have all the stuff though camping only costs pitch fees of £10-15 per night so if I was contributing to a honeymoon I wouldn't feel this was good use of my money as I would expect most people to be able to mange £50-90 for camping fees plus a bit of petrol.

yeah camping isnt expensive, but it means you could do things while there, visiting local sites, going for nice dinners etc etc
we go camping a lot, and although the actual camping bit is nice and cheap all the other bits soon add up




I think this thread has been interesting, the way some people put their point across really does shock me (you dont have to be mean and personal about things to explain your personal opinion)

Nowadays most people live together before they get married, this means they have most things they could ever need in their home.
So why shouldnt they tell the people that want to give them a gift that they would rather have money towards something (whether it be home improvement or a honeymoon etc)

As I said before its a personal thing, each of us knows our friends and family, so each of us has to make our own decision about it.
For me personally, I know my friends and family will want to get us something and they will want to know what to get us, and they will be more than happy to give us money as we dont need anything for our house

I have decided however not to put anything about it in the invitations, I'm going to do a wedding website and put it on there instead

Yellowbug

Also I think it is worth pointing out that no one is saying if you go to a wedding you HAVE to give money/a gift

I think its safe to say that we would all rather everyone turned up than thought they had to bring something with them, the point is that some people will want to give something so why shouldnt you tell them what you want?

Pinklady_3

I can't see the problem. We have received two wedding invites this summer and both have asked for money. One said
"we are looking forward to your presence not your presents but if you would like to get us something we would appreciate donations towards our honeymoon"
and the other said
""as we've already lived in sin,
we've got bed sheets and a kitchen bin,
a gift from you would be swell
but we'd prefer a donation to our wishing well"

I wasn't offended by either and think it actually makes things easier than having to go through a wedding gift list or try to decide what to get them. And there is no obligation to give them anything, they are just making the point that if we were thinking of a gift they would prefer money. After all, most people are living together these days before getting married and so don't need things for their home.

mrsdarbs

MrsE wrote: »

A wishing well that people pop money in an envelope is a nice idea, no pressure on anyone.
Maybe more would be happy with the cash idea if they knew that was going to be there.

I had a wishing well at my first wedding. We didn't put poems in with the invites, but anybody (the vast majority) of guests (both those attending and those that couldn't) asked us if we had a gift list and we said we didn't, but that we had a poem that we would give to them. it went along the lines of not needing items for the house, but that we wished to redecorate it, most people were more than happy and when it was finished we invited everyone round for a party to see it! nobody was offended as they were all close family and friends and knew our situation.

The well was a good idea as it sat on one side of the room and people could put their cards (with or without moeny in them) into the well and it as it was on a table those people that wanted to buy an actual item could leave their presents on the table with it.

The poem did say that we did not expect people to buy a gift and that we would rather they just came and enjoyed themselves and shared our special day.

When I got married a second time we never asked for any presents and anyone that asked we politely said that cash would be great, but again not to feel obliged as we weren't expecting anything (especially as it was my second time and a lot of these people were at my first). Our friends and family knew that 2 weeks after the wedding we would be moving to another country and contributed to us setting up a new home!

I don't like the idea of gift lists and requests for cash being put in with invites I think it is presumptious.