Asking for money as our gift??

bandraoi

Your wedding invitation is just that, an invitation to a party.
It should not mention anything except the party details.
That means no wedding lists, no we don't want presents, no we want cash, no we would like a contribution to the honeymoon, no poems or witticisms on the subject.
It is extremely rude and vulgar to give any clue within the invite that you anticipate gifts.

however,
should one of your wedding guests approach you or a member of your wedding party/immediate family asking what gift you would consider appropriate, it is polite at that point to direct them towards a gift register or cash or whatever your hearts desire is. You should still emphasize that it is their presence not their presents that are valuable to you though.

mrscb

cleomolly wrote: »

WOW that other thread went crazy! I really can't understand why some people are against contributing to a fund for the happy couple, especially as it costs around £130 per couple attending the wedding, may be we should go back a few years to when the father of the bride paid for the whole thing, yea roght that would be a laugh!!!

This just looks like as you are spending £130 per couple to attend your wedding they should contribute in another way to balance it out..
Me and OH are attending a wedding which in total will cost us about £1000!!! and childcare needed as kids not allowed(another gripe of mine).
If people want to know what you would like as a gift let them ask you ,not force the situation...I find it rude either way though, present list/money.
Its about celebrating your day not the gifts...
Your sig says 'determined to live within your means' therefore if you cant afford a honeymoon dont have one....I didnt..
Sorry if it sounds a bit nasty but its just my opinion...

MrsE_2

xJayJayx wrote: »

there's nothing wrong with asking for money. You need to sort of include in your poem why you are asking for it and that if they don't give you money it doesn't matter its their company and presence at your wedding that is important.

I think its fine.

But I think poems are naff.

I also think it would be a good idea to russle up a small list (everyone needs something or can upgrade some stuff) to have on standby for people who really don't want to give money.

A wishing well that people pop money in an envelope is a nice idea, no pressure on anyone.
Maybe more would be happy with the cash idea if they knew that was going to be there.

maggie111

It IS bad manners - mainly because it centres around the presumption that guests have to get you a present.

Personally, I feel it is all in the traditions. How traditional is your wedding? Are you observing everything else bar asking guests for money? Or is it a more casual affair?

I wouldn't like to gift money like that. Personally, you can go some lengths to appease both sides of the coin by offering both a wedding list, and a donate option.

DON'T put the request in with the invites, instead have an address to a wedding website you create, with details about the wedding (maps, directions etc) and have a page on there about wedding presents, far more subtle and far less crass.

It is more popular nowadays, and a lot of people are learning to accept it.

Yellowbug

I really cant believe the views of some people, yes they are your opinions and thats fine, but some of you are making out that telling people we want money instead of gifts is like telling them to pay for the wedding which is flipping ridiculous

Everyone I am inviting to my wedding are either close friends or family, and I know every one of them will want to get/give us something, and I also know they would rather give us what we want than something we really dont need!

Im going to go for the poem idea, simply because I know my family and friends will love it, its very us and will amuse them
However I do think I will put it on the web page im going to create rather than in the invitation, as above, it means your not pushing it in peoples faces, all my lot will ask, and so I can direct them to the web page and do it that way

If you don't want to do that in your own wedding then dont

The way I see it is each persons wedding is personal to them, and you should do what you think is right for you

Only you know your guests, so only you know how they would feel about money/gifts, go with your gut and forget what people who you don't know and who don't know you think about it

and as a side point, I have never turned up to a wedding without something, whoever it was and whether we were invited to the whole day or just the reception I always take something, and if they have asked for money (which I think the last 3 have) I have taken money, and just put it in a really nice card

Just because someone wants money doesnt mean you have to give them loads, I just gave the amount I would have spent on a gift, simple!

Mrsday2Be_2

I would put feelers out with your friends and family about what they find acceptable. Let's face it, they're the ones it's going to matter to in the long run.

Depending on where you come from, the traditions are very different, in some cultures money is pinned to the Brides dress at the reception by the guests! In others, it is the Bride & Groom who give the gifts.

We have it on our website that in the current economic climate we would much prefer people to attend the event rather than feel that they can't come because they can't afford a gift.
It's their presence we want - not their presents!

It was pointed out to us by some Aussie friends that we also had to cater for those people who won't be able to make it to the wedding and would like to send gifts (my family is in Australia & we're marrying in England).
For my family a registry that allows them to purchase vouchers in small denominations (£5, £10, £20), or gifts for us in a British store (naff old Argos! lol) all the way from Australia are invaluable and allow them to feel a part of the day even though they can't be there.

It is up to you how you handle this, as there will be as many opinions are there are Brides!

Wishing you luck.

Kel

mookybargirl

Only you know your family and friends. If they're happy and you're happy, ignore what us random strangers think......

cleomolly

Thank you to the more helpful threads, no so much so for some of them who I think are living in the cave ages!

Lydia and all of you who picked up on the comment i made about cost to invitepeople - I think you have lost the plot! If you read back, the comment I made was in relation to costing of attending a wedding, being discussed over the page and my point was simply that it does cost a lot of money nowadays to invite people to your wedding, whereas in the past it was possible to feed and provide everybody with drinks too. and might I say yes it is the choice of the bride and groom where they marry, but all prices have increased over the years as you know, and things are not cheap anymore! the church is costing us £900 alone whereas my parents paid £80 when they got wed in church over 25 years ago! As soon as you mention the word wedding the price more or less doubles. I think you read that wrong anyway.

Not forgetting the day and age we live in, where people don't have the time to go shopping for gifts. also i dont think to waste money on something that will go in a cupboard and never be used, is not a good idea either!

It's simply a gift choice we're talking about, not whether guests should give money to contribute to the cost of the wedding, not whether guests should pay their way either. we're talking about gifts, if it is your choice not to give a gift at a wedding that's fair enough, I know that everyone attneding my wedding will want to give a gift and /I have been asked soo many times what w want already. When I have said 'nothing' they say 'well we'll put some money in and you can get what you want' so it's simply a matter off is it better to ask for the money from the start ie in invites or when people call to ask what you want?

I've just let my best frineds read this and she can't believe the responces either! but given that that is the responce of a lot of people I doubt we'll be putting poems in our invites, I think we will await the phone calls or put the word out with family.

I wonder what happens with our childrens weddings ??? a long time away for me but I'd be interested to see how things change again by the time they get wed in 20 or so years ?

cleomolly

Quote wrote: »

I'm getting married in December. It's not because I want presents or vouchers or money.

You dont say! of course people don't marry for the presents, that's an outrageous conclusion to come too.

cleomolly

mrscb wrote: »

This just looks like as you are spending £130 per couple to attend your wedding they should contribute in another way to balance it out..
Me and OH are attending a wedding which in total will cost us about £1000!!! and childcare needed as kids not allowed(another gripe of mine).
If people want to know what you would like as a gift let them ask you ,not force the situation...I find it rude either way though, present list/money.
Its about celebrating your day not the gifts...
Your sig says 'determined to live within your means' therefore if you cant afford a honeymoon dont have one....I didnt..
Sorry if it sounds a bit nasty but its just my opinion...

I am not booking a Honeymoon, that was the point of this thread. I really wish people would read it first and not come up with silly things are not to do with the thread! (not yourself, just in general) The point is, my wedding is booked, save the dates are sent, people are calling asking what we want, we dont want anything, people say we'll were going to get you something we're not turning up emptied handed, so we thought right what could we do? ok lets just say if you really want to give something then money would be appreciated for a Honeymoon (I like how no-one has asked where we plan to Honeymoon yet : ) which will be in a tent on the east ocast with our dogs!!!! my friends who married recently have told me that even without asking for anything they got x amount of money, so I'd be a little gutted if after the wedding we realise we've got all this money and could have gone away but too late to do so!