Asking for money as our gift??

pookienoodle

I saw an article a few years ago about a couple whose wedding list consisted of "experiences" on their honeymoon.
they had everything from diving at the great barrier reef to a night in a 5 star hotel in singapore.
could you do something like this?
put nights in hotels or meals out on the list?
I think the problem with money is people don't know how much to give and feel a bit awkward.

rinroo

My Opinion is I'd rather be asked for money outright, rather than through one of the many 'poems', i have read your poem and many others plus a combination of them all on various different threads and I dislike them. I think a simple sentance saying instead of a gift list you are trying to save for a honeymoon would be a slight improvement.

I am not having any gift list or asking for anything. We are getting married because it's what We want to do, not so that people can buy us a gift or contribute towards our honeymoon. We arent actually having a honeymoon as we can't afford one, so we'll just combine it with a family holiday when we have saved up to be able to go on one.

I know its tradition to have a gift list or for guests to buy a gift, but with the way the current economic climate is now, I just find it so cringeworthy asking for anything. If our guests choose to get us a gift then I know that the friends and family being invited to our wedding know us well enough to pick something appropriate. But they have all been made perfectly clear we do not want anything.

It is each to their own but this question is asked so often...its always splits the side.

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To be honest, the poem needs some work.

cleomolly

rinroo I do agree with what your saying. originally we wasn't going to say anything but when we announced the wedding a few months ago, we've had no end of calls and especially when our save the dates went out. people want to know what we want and we don't want anything gift wise, so thought money for spends on our honeymoon would be great. And as to the comments from people about money being so inpersonal ect. what could be better than contributing towards a memory for a couple that will last for eternity! huuummmm there's such a mixed feeling about it. I'm leaning towards not doing anything, but still what do i say to the people who do insist on a gift and call to ask what we want???? I'd say nothing and then end up with loads of silver frames and champayne glass's that will then be put in the cupboard and never used!

cleomolly

pookienoodle wrote: »

I saw an article a few years ago about a couple whose wedding list consisted of "experiences" on their honeymoon.
they had everything from diving at the great barrier reef to a night in a 5 star hotel in singapore.
could you do something like this?
put nights in hotels or meals out on the list?
I think the problem with money is people don't know how much to give and feel a bit awkward.

pookienoodle - I like the idea of ringing my fave chinese and asking them to provide vouchers for take-aways, :rotfl: now that would be great! (joke)

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I'm getting married in December. It's not because I want presents or vouchers or money.

Poppy9

cleomolly wrote: »

poppy - for a start, how rude to call my poem naff, never knock someone's hard work, no matter what you think, that's what I say :cool:

I didn't mean your poem in particular but all of the rhymes that people make up comes across as naff or tacky to me.

cleomolly wrote:

And how is having a gift list (which is the more traditional way), any better than asking for a contribution to your Honeymoon? what would you suggest a good idea then?

Traditonally guests who helped to celebrate a wedding helped a couple set up home by giving them useful & essential household gifts. If a couple don't need these items then they don't need a gift. I would suggest you just don't enclose a wedding gift list with the invite and leave it at that.

If guests ask personally about gifts you can just explain you have all you need, thank you.

To me asking for money for the honeymoon or something else is like asking people to pay to come to the wedding.

While it may cost to feed guests, they are your guests and you don't have to invite them and asking them for money makes them feel obliged to give you something.

I don't invite someone for dinner and then say "oh don't bring any wine/chocolates as I have plenty, but if you wish you can give me a voucher or money towards getting my hair or nails done".

cleomolly wrote:

Thank you for the linky, couldn't find anything at first but guessed it would have been discussed

Many times along with inviting or not children to weddings. Which was a very hot, passionate topic:D

I have been invited to parties where the invite has requested no cards or gifts but that there would be a collection for charity or charity boxes on the bar etc. Again I can understand that some people again feel they are being obligated to donate to a charity that they might not normally wish to support.

I've never gone down the route with family of giving cash for birthday/christmas as requests either as I like to give a gift as I get pleasure from doing do so. If I do give cash, which I have when some of them were students as that is what they really needed, it has always been a surprise for them as they wouldn't dream of asking.

I would be extremely disappointed if my DD who is 14 asked for cash for Xmas. So far she has been in the "there is nothing I need" even though there are things she wants but feels they are too expensive to ask for.

Mme.Hibou

cleomolly wrote: »

I really can't understand why some people are against contributing to a fund for the happy couple, especially as it costs around £130 per couple attending the wedding, may be we should go back a few years to when the father of the bride paid for the whole thing, yea roght that would be a laugh!!!

I hope this is some kind of joke?! Not just the bit in bold, the whole thing.

Whether it costs the bride and groom £130 a couple or £1300, surely it's the choice of the B&G and you want your guests there regardless.

Don't ask, get what you're given and receive it with thanks and happy memories of your wedding day.

cleomolly

I am coming round to this thinking now, I just assumed everyone would want ot bing a gift, as I've known anyone turn up at a wedding without a gift before! I've always given £20 no matter who it is and if I know they are going away I get Euros or whatever. may be it's just a modern/new thing to ask for contributions to Holidays, buying large items! although I dount people would find it as offensive if we asked for DFS vouchers ofr a new sofa or bed. gona ring the nans tomorrow and see what they think. night ladies

Poppy9

cleomolly wrote: »

I am coming round to this thinking now, I just assumed everyone would want ot bing a gift, as I've known anyone turn up at a wedding without a gift before! I've always given £20 no matter who it is and if I know they are going away I get Euros or whatever. may be it's just a modern/new thing to ask for contributions to Holidays, buying large items! although I dount people would find it as offensive if we asked for DFS vouchers ofr a new sofa or bed. gona ring the nans tomorrow and see what they think. night ladies

Most people will want to give a gift and you will have some "who just know what you want/need":o and would buy it regardless of any request for dosh but others will ask people like your Grandmothers who are best placed to drop any hints. If I asked a Grannie and she said to me "Oh I was in the same position so I've given them some Euros for a meal or a bottle of wine on honeymoon" I wouldn't find that offensive as it's not an outright ask but I would take the hint!