Inappropriate comments from teaching assistant

kjmtidea

A bit of info: I am white, my partner is black, therefore our children are mixed race, dual heritage, whatever we are calling it this week. We have 4 children who are 7,5,3 and 1.

A few months back my 7 year olds teaching assistant told him the reason that she gets his name mixed up with another boy (who is also mixed race) is because 'they don't get many brown skinned people there'. We weren't very happy about that comment so spoke to the head teacher who took it very seriously, spoke to our son, spoke to the teaching assistant who said she couldn't remember if she had said it. Now this worried me even more because if she couldn't remember then does that mean it's just a normal thing for her to say?

The head teacher said all she could do was pass it on to the people who are above the school (governers?) and let them deal with it, in the end we decided not to do this because no matter what happened it wouldn't change what had already been said. She apologised and we moved on - until yesterday. Apparently she told me eldest son that he has to make sure he wears sun cream because otherwise he will turn white.

Now I do realise that my son is only a child and children do lie/tell tales/exagerate and if it was my 5 year old I would seriously be questioning it but my 7 year old is very sensible, very mature and has never lied so I have no reason to doubt him. My partner spoke to the head teacher yesterday she is dealing with it and will contact us soon.
Am I over reacting? I am really upset about this, I just keeping thinking how dare she make my son question his skin colour?

I really don't want to take my children out of school but at the moment I don't really want them to be there. Should we take this higher if the head teacher says she can't do anything again? Any advice would be fab because I am a bit lost.

pulliptears

Im so sorry! I find that wholly unacceptable from any member of school staff. Whilst she may feel she is joking and having a laugh with your son its obviously bothering him enough to mention it to you.

Kids of that age hate feeling different for any reason and making the poor boy question his skin colour is just awful. Reassure him he is a beautiful little boy no matter what colour his skin is and then go and see the head. I'd be furious.

Sending hugs
xx

(edited to add)
Missed the point where you said your OH had seen the head, in which case yes, I'd take it as high as possible.

NoAngel

I would definately take this higher this time, it is totally unacceptable for her to make comments about the children's skin colour. Whilst the comments aren't malicous as such, they're inappropriate. The children shouldn't be seen as any different from anybody else despite different skin colours. I can;t understant why she would feel the need to make comments really.

I'm mixed race, my dad is black and mum white and I would have been very upset by those sorts of comments. I never thought of myself as any different to any other child and she's wrong to keep mentioning it.

SuziQ

It sounds as if the school needs to carry out some training! I certainly don't think you are over-reacting-as you have said,it is obviously pretty uncouncious if she doesn't even remember saying these things. In many ways I find the second incident more offensive than the first.I thought places like schools were very hot on diversity training (or whatever they are calling it now)etc these days and can't understand why the head seems so wishy washy about it. Either the teaching assistant is ignorant or she's not very bright-either way should she really be working with impressionable children? My son is autistic and also has a very oddly-shaped head. He notices every little comment aged 7,but these have been from other children not from members of staff!

burnsguitarman

Personally I think you're making a mountain out of a mole hill, It sounds as if YOU have a problem with skin colour and are passing it on to your children by making a fuss, I'm sure your'e children will suffer much worse than this during their childhood! Don't take this the wrong way but it is just my opinion. All children have adverse comments made about them even if its because they have red hair, black skin, thin, fat, small, tall, or anything else! Granted the TA should have known that it may cause offence in these polictically correct days.

Pee

Teaching assistants may be poorly paid and poorly trained - not all of them, but some of them. If it is a case that she hasn't had many children from different backgrounds in her class, there probably is a bit of "naive" rasicm involved. Now, if she was making these comments to you I would say that as an adult you could rise above it and in a bit she will settle down. It is possible that your seven year old will not take it as badly as you think he might, but I really feel for you because these comments are just stupid... I would specifically ask the head that she be sent on a diversity training course or similiar, because it does seem to me the root of the problem is ignorance.

fernliebee

burnsguitarman wrote: »

Personally I think you're making a mountain out of a mole hill, It sounds as if YOU have a problem with skin colour and are passing it on to your children by making a fuss, I'm sure your'e children will suffer much worse than this during their childhood! Don't take this the wrong way but it is just my opinion. All children have adverse comments made about them even if its because they have red hair, black skin, thin, fat, small, tall, or anything else! Granted the TA should have known that it may cause offence in these polictically correct days.

All children will have comments made, yes, but it should not be by the teaching staff! IMO the differences in people shouldn't necessarily go unmentioned, however the comments were not positive in any way, more pointless! She knew the child and their parents would be upset by the second comment as they had already spoken to the head and she had apologised, so for it to happen again suggests she is very careless, unkind, or a bit stupid! Either way it does need resolving. Is she upsetting other children with unkind comments too?

kjmtidea

burnsguitarman wrote: »

Personally I think you're making a mountain out of a mole hill, It sounds as if YOU have a problem with skin colour and are passing it on to your children by making a fuss, I'm sure your'e children will suffer much worse than this during their childhood! Don't take this the wrong way but it is just my opinion. All children have adverse comments made about them even if its because they have red hair, black skin, thin, fat, small, tall, or anything else! Granted the TA should have known that it may cause offence in these polictically correct days.

No I am pretty sure that I don't have any problem with skin colour thanks.

PolishBigSpender

The first comment doesn't sound that bad to me. Just a little bit thoughtless.
The second one... are you sure that your son isn't making it up? Maybe he doesn't like her and is trying to get rid of her? I can't imagine any sane adult saying anything like this nowadays. She's risking a lot, it just doesn't sound credible to me.
Maybe ask other kids if they heard it as well?

Blackpool_Saver

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

The first comment doesn't sound that bad to me. Just a little bit thoughtless.
The second one... are you sure that your son isn't making it up? Maybe he doesn't like her and is trying to get rid of her? I can't imagine any sane adult saying anything like this nowadays. She's risking a lot, it just doesn't sound credible to me.
Maybe ask other kids if they heard it as well?

This is my opinion too, kids can say things for effect.

kjmtidea

He didn't just tell me, we were talking about suncream and he mentioned it, I had to drag all the details out of him. He has never lied before, he doesn't attention seek - well he hasn't yet so I really have no reason to doubt him BUT yes I do understand that he is a child and there could have been a misunderstanding so I am just waiting for the head teacher to phone.