Asked to babysit every Saturday

RAS

Hi

Think you might be advised to look at www.entitledto.com. If you post a query as if your SD is on a minimum wage, you will get an idea of what she can claim in terms of housing benefit, Council tax benefit , Child tax credit and working tax credit.

I assume that provided she uses a recognised child care provider, she can get this help in her new post (difficult I know but....).

If you OH is insistent, can you suggest he does Friday night and make is plain that OH will be caring for the child at her own home? At least this gives you the opportunity for some down-time together. and book say 10 weekends when he does not do it, in advance.

What time does this mother think she is going to be fit to care for her child after working nights? And given that 6 year olds are at school, how much real time will this child have with her mother over the weekend (when both are awake and functional) perhaps 4-6 hours a day? Is this adequate for a decent relationship with a sole parent?

Bettyboop

I haven't read all the replies but she may be asking you to babysit so she can go out on the town herself with her friends? It's selfish to expect you to take care of her daughter. Instead she should be finding something else that fits around school hours and if not she will get help with tax credits is she works more than 16 hours a week... Buy her the local paper and circle anything she can do. The way I see it when we have children they are our responsbility and not someone elses.

Bettyboop

littlemissmoney wrote: »

If she is working Sat night, when is she going to sleep? I bet you would soon be looking after the child every Sunday too.

That is so true... Every weekend the little one will be with you..

Lunar_Eclipse

Whilst I empathise with the 'have done my bit with my own child/ren' bit and not wanting to be tied down every Saturday night, I also think this is exactly what families are for. We have lost all sense of family over the past two generations IMO.

So I'd offer to do it, without waiting to be asked. Do everything you can to be supportive; the job might not work out, things change, nothing is forever. Certainly don't say no in case she asks for more help, that would be very silly.

ChrisCobra

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Whilst I empathise with the 'have done my bit with my own child/ren' bit and not wanting to be tied down every Saturday night, I also think this is exactly what families are for. We have lost all sense of family over the past two generations IMO.

So I'd offer to do it, without waiting to be asked. Do everything you can to be supportive; the job might not work out, things change, nothing is forever. Certainly don't say no in case she asks for more help, that would be very silly.

If the Stepdaughter asks for any more help might be something like Chris Rock says...

If the kid calls his grandma Mom and his Mom Pam , he's going to jail :rotfl:

Im all for helping family out but the fact seems to be she is giving up a well suited job with times that fit in so she can do something she likes more , sacrificing 3 nights a week with her child

loobylou2

I had a similar situation to this a couple of years ago although it wasn"t the child of a relative, it was the now 9 year old daughter of one of my friends who is a stay at home single mother who lives on benefits and is the same age as my eldest daughter. After working all week including saturday mornings I had this child staying overnight whilst her mother went out with a variety of boyfriends every saturday night for over a year!!!!. The worst thing about the situation was that the childs grandmother dosen"t live too far away and could have taken her occasionally. I just ended up feeling really resentful and upset not to mention used because I never seemed to get any time to myself, let alone privacy and even though I work I rarely go out whilst this woman who wasn"t working and living on benefits was going out every weekend while I looked after her child!!! My advice would be don"t let your daughter treat you like this. Its taking advantage of your good nature. Tell her you don"t mind babysitting perhaps once or twice a month but no more than that. Things came to a head with my friend when she asked me to look after her daughter at Christmas whilst she went out with her boyfriend. I just said no, that I was tired after being at work all week and wanted to spend some time with my OH and our own children particularly because it was Christmas, I also said as well that I could mind her daughter occasionally whilst she went out but not on a full time saturday night basis anymore because I was tired after being at work all week. She seemed to get the message after this and has only asked me to mind her daughter overnight occasionally since but I regret that I did this for a year and just ended up feeling really used and taken advantage of. Tell your daughter how you feel but don"t slam the door on babysitting for her occasionally just make it clear that you don"t want to end up babysitting every saturday night as a full time job!!! Hope you manage to get things sorted out.

Glen0000

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Whilst I empathise with the 'have done my bit with my own child/ren' bit and not wanting to be tied down every Saturday night, I also think this is exactly what families are for. We have lost all sense of family over the past two generations IMO.

I disagree 100%. I think the shift in attitude is very liberating for women. My mum is in her 50's and has a part time job and active social life. Good luck to her I say. She has done her bit for 25 years and now is her time. I have no right to expect free childcare.

Triggles

Whilst I empathise with the 'have done my bit with my own child/ren' bit and not wanting to be tied down every Saturday night, I also think this is exactly what families are for. We have lost all sense of family over the past two generations IMO.

So I'd offer to do it, without waiting to be asked. Do everything you can to be supportive; the job might not work out, things change, nothing is forever. Certainly don't say no in case she asks for more help, that would be very silly.

I disagree as well. I DON'T think this is what families are for - providing free childcare, especially when the DD is CHOOSING to take this job, when she already has one that has better hours. And offering to tie herself down on a weekly basis is exactly what the OP wants to AVOID! I don't know about the whole "lost all sense of family" thing, but I'd say an awful lot of people have lost their sense of responsibility in recent years, expecting everyone else to sacrifice so they don't have to sacrifice something themselves. And this is a prime example, IMO.

bestpud

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Whilst I empathise with the 'have done my bit with my own child/ren' bit and not wanting to be tied down every Saturday night, I also think this is exactly what families are for. We have lost all sense of family over the past two generations IMO.

So I'd offer to do it, without waiting to be asked. Do everything you can to be supportive; the job might not work out, things change, nothing is forever. Certainly don't say no in case she asks for more help, that would be very silly.

Those are the crucial words here though, aren't they? You would be happy to do it and that is absolutely fine but that does not mean it is right for everyone, or that those unhappy with it are somehow poor parents, or selfish.

Seems to me the mother of the child has lost her sense of family i.e. her and her 6 year old daughter!!

Or is it ok for her to give up three nights a week with her 6 year old child, sending her to three different carers in the process, instead of working while she is at school. That is good family values while working grandparents saying they don't want to be obliged to care for said child every weekend shows poor family values?

Hmm, double standards methinks, and the buck stops ultimately with the mother of the child when there is a disagreement such as this.

And that is before we get onto the potential problems for an ex-addict working in a nightclub three nights a week!

alwaysskint96

RAS wrote: »

Hi

And given that 6 year olds are at school, how much real time will this child have with her mother over the weekend (when both are awake and functional) perhaps 4-6 hours a day? Is this adequate for a decent relationship with a sole parent?

TBH many many working parents dont get 4-6 hours awake time with their child, even in a day job. Even a SAHM might struggle with that with a young school child, a rushed hour in morning before school perhaps, then pickup about half 3. By the time dinner etc sorted a child that goes to bed at 7 is stil with parent less than 6 hours. If you work 9-5 then you are lucky to get 3 hours a day with child- thats life

And why does noone ever comment about the fathers who work long hours- many of them not seeing child at all during week- which is commonplace