Asked to babysit every Saturday

jellyhead

I appreciate that, and I don't suppose I'd have used drugs anyway, even if I didn't have a weekend job that prevented me going to weekend parties.

As a barmaid I was often invited to a party/casino/whatever after work, so I suppose the OP's SD is more likely to accept those invites if she has an empty house.

It would be nice to think that she'd moved on though, and whoever suggested she might be stripping - I did wonder why she seems keen to take such an awkward job, but I suggest Chipdog does not suggest to her husband that his daughter might be a stripper, it could cause tension :eek: Maybe she has a boyfriend, or fancies somebody who works at the same nightclub? Her motives might be luuurve rather than something more sleazy.

Lunar_Eclipse

Glen0000 wrote: »

I disagree 100%. I think the shift in attitude is very liberating for women. My mum is in her 50's and has a part time job and active social life. Good luck to her I say. She has done her bit for 25 years and now is her time. I have no right to expect free childcare.

Maybe I was vague. I didn't refer to free childcare and certainly not to expect it. It was more about attitude to family, being supportive and helping each other out, a lot of which has become lost IMO. I'm not sure I link strong family values as being linked with liberation either, but I also think that was before my time so haven't thought about it much (although we are probably similar in age since my parents are also in their 50's.)

Interestingly I was thinking about whole families spending time together when I posted, not traditional gender stereotypes. You mentioned your Mum having done her bit for 25 years and now being her time. But she's still working, so I'm curious as to what you mean.

Kaz2904

I worked in a nightclub Thurs, Fri, Sat for 6 months when I was 19. I still did my full time job too which meant often I was home at 5am and had to start work for a 12 hour shift at 8am. This was before kids and I was knackered. I got ill and jacked it in. I would have about 1.5 hours between finishing one job and getting ready for the next one too.

Now I work nights because of the children. I've done it since DD was 3 and DS was almost 1. With no childcare. DH had them at night and I took over when I walked in from work. That was no fun for anyone. I've been a miserable moo for 4 years as I've had no sleep. Now they are both at school, I would love to change my shifts to days but would have to arrange childcare for days off and picking up from school (I'm a nurse so would have to do late shifts). I'm resigned to sticking to nights until at least DD is 12 but will probably be happier when DS is 12 if I'm honest.

Should DH and I ever not be together (there but for the grace of god go I) then I/He would have to have a major rethink about the kids. They are our number one priority. Weekend childcare would never have to factor in though because you can't get childcare for it.
Anyway, I don't think OP is wrong in any way shape or form. SD should figure out her own childcare and pay for it (or not).

Oldernotwiser

chipsdog wrote: »

I don't get on very well with SD (as you may have guessed) she doesn't tell the truth, I also don't think a Nightclub is the right place to work with a child and a drug problem in the past, I think she thinks its a night out.

Are you sure she actually will be working rather than just having nights out - always the cynic, I know!

Susan_Frost

If I needed someone to do childcare I would make sure it was in place BEFORE I took the job. So she should check it out with you first.

What do you usually do on a Saturday? I would say, dont change your usual arrangements. If you have a regular night out then you stick to it. If you dont go out on a regular basis, think about what you may be prepared to do, say one in four, and offer that. But stick to it. Even if you are not going out.

If hubby wants to say yes, then let him, but make sure you go out somewhere, even if it is just round to a friend's house for a coffee or something, just so you dont set a precedent for you ending up looking after the child.

Having said all that - she will need some help when other sitters let her down, on holiday, etc. so there will also be a need to be flexible. You know her and know if she would take advantage or not.

But if she has a job which works around child care then she would be daft to give it up.

Who would look after the child Thursday & Friday when those arrangements fail?

If she is taking the job as a "night out" what does she do for getting out at the moment. Maybe help in babysitting so she can enjoy herself now and again would help her feel she is able to socialise a bit and keep a job with school hours.

She does need to be able to see friends and have a social life herself, though as a single mum, she should have her daughter as a priority.

injaroc

I wouldn't even dream of asking my mother to watch my DD every weekend as she worls too. Tbh I think the OP has a right to want her weekends to herself/to spend with OH. I agree that she maybe sees things differently since its her step-daughter rather than her own but I dont think thats a bad thing. Somethimes it takes someone who isnt blinded by loyaly/love/guilt/whatever to see when someone is trying to take the p**s!

To babysit ocassionaly if the OP and her OH can is great and they can spend time with their grandchild but every sat/sun with the amount they have to drive is asking a lot.

I worked in a nightclub for almost 2 years in my teens and the money was bad but at the time the free drinks/entry into the place made up for it. Nowadays though with a child it wouldnt.

As another poster has mentioned the best thing I can think of is to let your OH look after the child if he wants to rather than let it come between you but to do something else yourself- go to a friends house etc so that he doesnt expect you to do it all. ( I dont necesseraly mean every time but when you want a break) He'd be the one agreeing to babysit not you. Selfish as it sounds its waht I think.

OH/daughter might get fed up with it all sooner or later. At the moment it seems you havent looked after the granddaughter yet (is that right?) so have no idea how it will all pan out. You may well be worrying over nothing, you never know.

Anyway just to wish you good luck and I hope all gets sorted for you, OH, daughter and granddaughter.

your family you only realise how much you take for granted once they've gone x

*Louise*

Gosh - it would be such a shame for that child being pushed from place to place 3 days a week if this works out to your SD's plan. What would happen if you or any of the other sitters want to go on holiday or have nights out - it's a logistical nightmare.

The 40 miles round trip just takes the biscuit though, and I would certainly do what a previous poster mentioned and suggest your OH stays the night at his daughters place to look after his grandchild (would knock 40 miles off the trip for starters!) His daughter's reaction to this would enable you to tell whether the job is a genuine way to get money or simply a way of getting nights out, being able to pull and getting some money as well.

I have read this thread right through, and haven't seen any mention of your SGD's father?? Is he not around to help out in any way?



Incidentally, I have a not so close friend who works in pubs until 12 midnight Thu-Sat while her daugher stays at granny's, then she goes clubbing afterwards. The child barely sees her mum, it's a sad situation.

I do feel families should be there for each other, to help out with babysitting etc - but there's a limit to how much you can expect from them, it shouldn't be at the expense of their own lifestyle.

Claire3121

injaroc wrote: »

I wouldn't even dream of asking my mother to watch my DD every weekend as she worls too. Tbh I think the OP has a right to want her weekends to herself/to spend with OH. I agree that she maybe sees things differently since its her step-daughter rather than her own but I dont think thats a bad thing. Somethimes it takes someone who isnt blinded by loyaly/love/guilt/whatever to see when someone is trying to take the p**s!

To babysit ocassionaly if the OP and her OH can is great and they can spend time with their grandchild but every sat/sun with the amount they have to drive is asking a lot.

I worked in a nightclub for almost 2 years in my teens and the money was bad but at the time the free drinks/entry into the place made up for it. Nowadays though with a child it wouldnt.

As another poster has mentioned the best thing I can think of is to let your OH look after the child if he wants to rather than let it come between you but to do something else yourself- go to a friends house etc so that he doesnt expect you to do it all. ( I dont necesseraly mean every time but when you want a break) He'd be the one agreeing to babysit not you. Selfish as it sounds its waht I think.

OH/daughter might get fed up with it all sooner or later. At the moment it seems you havent looked after the granddaughter yet (is that right?) so have no idea how it will all pan out. You may well be worrying over nothing, you never know.

Anyway just to wish you good luck and I hope all gets sorted for you, OH, daughter and granddaughter.

your family you only realise how much you take for granted once they've gone x

Thats all very well,the OH babysitting but then that will eat up into Chipsdog spending time with her hubby. Bbaysitting the odd night is ok but for people to make sacrifices is too much.

kerryt_3

Just looked through lots of replies (so many!). I really think that you shouldn't baby sit. She sounds like a nightmare of a person. Think she's taking the p*** by asking you to do it every Sat night. I would love to have a baby sitter once a month on a saturday let alone a night out every sat! Definately agree with you on keeping busy on a Saturday, at least that way you keep the peace with your dh.

jellyhead

*Louise* wrote: »

Gosh - it would be such a shame for that child being pushed from place to place 3 days a week if this works out to your SD's plan. What would happen if you or any of the other sitters want to go on holiday or have nights out - it's a logistical nightmare.

The 40 miles round trip just takes the biscuit though

I wondered if, rather than being carted around 3 different babysitters every weekend (and having to organise taking her homework with her, school clothes for friday etc. and when would the washing get done? how many uniforms does she have?) it might be calmer and nicer for everyone if you committed to having her perhaps once a month for the weekend - friday and saturday night.

She's only a little girl and a weekend with grandparents would probably be very special, and restful in comparison to her hectic schedule if mum gets this job. Chipdog would then have the other weekends free to do whatever, or just have lie-ins etc.

it would save on petrol too, fewer round trips. There's a girl in my street who goes to grandparents at weekends and they wash her uniform for her, help with homework etc. and everyone's happy with the arrangement.