Asked to babysit every Saturday

MRSTITTLEMOUSE

paulwellerfan wrote: »

hey its a 6 year old -
not a six week old getting up every other hour.
cant you do it for say six months until she finds something more suitable ( for both sides)
playing devils advocate here.:j

She may be 6 and she may be a realy good child,no bother at all but when you've worked all week and your'e getting a wee bit older(or even just done it all before with your own kids) having weekends and Sunday mornings (especially) alone is something you look forward too for years when you've already brought up your own family.
You can feel very resentful when you've spent all your time bringing up your own kids only to have to start again while you watch someone else having a life,even if it is going out to work.

moiramber

It doesn't sound like you care much for your step daughter. I think its a shame you have such a problem in babysitting to help her out, I know personally my mum would jump at the chance to babysit my son once a week, Is once a week with your granchild really such a big hardship? I thought the joys of having brought up your own family were being able to enjoy your grandchildren but having your own life at the same time.

yoni_one

It sounds like your issue is moreso with your OH than with your stepdaughter.

She has not asked you to have her daughter weekends, she has asked him. He is the one who needs to decide how to manage this and whose needs he is prepared to put first.

You can let him know how you feel, inform him of the problems you foresee should he agree to babysit, but ultimately it is not really up to you to say yes or no to her, only to him.

wifeforlife

chipsdog wrote: »

My stepdaughter has taken a job working in a nightlcub Thurs/Fri/Sat night, however, she has a daughter (6 years) no partner. She already has a job which fits in with school times and I told her she would be better doing that and not the nightclub. Anyway she doesn't listen to me, but I know that she is going to ask DH to babysit every Saturday, and I do not want to do it.

I work long hours all week, always worked full time even when I had my son, so I have done my bit.

This will cause a row in our house I'm sure, anyone else dealt with anything similar?

Listen I'm a single mum to a 5yr old, and I'm with you on this one!

If she works during the week, and she's in receipt of her tax credits then this extra work will have a big impact on any benefit entitlement.

If she's in debt or trying to clear debts which she hasnt spoken about then she needs to do a realistic income and expenditure and not work when she cannot gain suitable childcare. Her child is her number one priority here.

I've been in huge debts working full time during the week, and not working at the weekends and have got out of it - she could too if this is the scenario.

I think she's being incredibly selfish to ask you to babysit every Saturday night - I think if it was once a month and you didnt want to I'd probably question it but definately not every week! Stick to your guns and dont back down even if it is a row. Your stepdaughter has a harsh lesson to learn here and accept her responsibilities, just like I did

quietheart

I think she's expecting a hell of a lot from you and I don't think you should do it. Apart from anything else I don't think it's great for her daughter to be farmed out every single saturday night. There's gotta be a better way....

MoaningMyrtle

She should have checked about babysitting before taking the job surely? What about Thursday and Friday nights, who will baby sit then?

A difficult situtation, her Dad (your OH) will have to babysit, not you.

MiniLaura

who looks after the child the other two nights - ie thurs and fri as you said job is 3 nights but only asking OH for the one night?

Eagle_1

chipsdog wrote: »

I know she needs the money but, you can't work in a nightclub with a child and no partner - can you?

She is trying to better herself and as you say she needs the money, so yeah if she knows her child is going to be looked after then why cant she ?
If she sat on her behind doing nothing she would be in the wrong, she is getting a job and thats not right neither :cool:

If its one night a week I really think that you could help her out. If it was all weekend then I agree thats a bit unfair.
If it were your Daughter/Son would you still feel the same ?

Triggles

For me, I would question (as others here have) what her childcare arrangements are on the other 2 nights? Is it going to be a situation where once she starts the job, she wants you to take over the other 2 nights as well? How reliable is her childcare for the other nights? Is she going to be coming to you regularly asking you to take on the other nights as well?

We've been in this position, and when it's every weekend, it does get wearing - although ours was during the day, not at night. It made it so we had no downtime, couldn't make any plans for the weekend on our own. I think I would sit down with your DH and see if he is planning on being the primary carer during that babysitting time. Because if he is expecting you to be, then you have every right to be the one to decide to say no. I wouldn't expect my DH to accept a regular babysitting job that he expected ME to cover, regardless of whether or not it was for a grandchild.

We ended up telling DD that she had to adjust her hours at work or find other childcare, as it was too wearing on us and caused too many problems. We currently just watch him an hour at a time, twice a week, then take him to the nursery for the day where she has arranged his childcare. It works much better for us, although I realise that night-time there are not nurseries available for her to utilise. Isn't there any other job she can do that is in more sociable hours?

ChrisCobra

I'd probably not do it , people tend to take the mick when you give them an inch they take a mile.

One night will become 3 or 4 in a few weeks.