in a difficult situation with our neighbours- what should we do?

overdraftoverdrive

this is what i meant, in a sense. i don't really hate these people, i just don't want somebody who is sixty odd as my best friend, especially somebody who is overbearing and ive often found it difficult because i try and be friendly to everybody, but then some people seem to get too close too quickly, at a point where id feel some distance would still be appropriate, and when you feel that both sets of next door neighbours are like this, it feels like a pincer action. theyre nice people, theres nothing wrong with that, but as we say, we feel that theyre lining us up as buddies, because of the kind of relationship that they have with each other thats in each others pockets, but i don't want to be like that. and i'm trying to find a way to say "yes we dont mind a chat, and we will water your plants or whatever on holiday, but we do not want to go round your house, or meet your other friends, or meet your sister, or go with you on a day trip" i'm just trying to get the balance right, without trying to offend them. i'm sure all of these people who have posted on here have experienced a point at some time in their lives where somebody has tried to befriend them, but you don't want that person as a friend, or has been asked out somewhere by somebody you dont want to go out with. i'm just looking for guidance on how to deal with this in a polite way.

KiKi

Well, as I said before, I would personally decline day trips and meeting family. Say you're both busy with work and family yourselves at home.

But make time to say hello on the driveway, even if means ten minutes of your time. Always remain polite, but don't ask them too many questions about their lives, and chances are they won't ask you any back.

People tend to mirror the behaviour of others when they have a relationship with them, so after a while they will probably start to not ask you on day trips, and stick to conversations on the driveway.

But! The golden rule! Just remember that every time you're frustrated you have to spend ten minutes in a conversation, chances are they're just being polite, welcoming, kind and warm in a way they know. It might not suit you, but don't dismiss it, either.

Ten minutes on the driveway will be just as a big a compromise for them, as it will be for you, so make that effort as a minimum, and provide polite, kind excuses for the rest - and get hubbie to do the same!

KiKi

I_know_my_ABC_and_my_CMYK

Your neighbours may just be being the way they are because they wish to avoid any neighbour disputes..........

I hope your nursing training goes well and I also hope this training helps you to become more tolerant of people, you'll need it.

McKneff

hearts wrote: »

GGGeezus! Just read this and had to run out and cut down the bloody Pampas grass. No wonder the neighbours were so nice. Somebody shoulda said.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Cissi

overdraftoverdrive wrote: »

As i said in my post- that none of you have seemed to have picked up upon- "there are other reasons i don't want to recount here". i'm sure if i did recount them (theyre things that would pretty much identify the persons involved) then lots of you would change your mind.

You're not living next door to Buckingham Palace are you :eek:
Who else could it be... Germaine Greer perhaps :rotfl:

Lighten up a little, the neighbours are just trying to be friendly!

poppysarah

lincroft1710 wrote: »

As long as none of the neighbours have pampas grass in front garden you should be OK. Many posters on this site would be immensely grateful for neighbours like yours.

And just what's wrong with it?

I planted some in a garden once. A pink one and a white one. I must go past sometime and see how they took.

honeyD

lincroft1710 wrote: »

Apparently pampas grass in front garden is a "secret sign" that occupiers are swingers. May be an urban myth or someone else's in joke though.

Lol how funny! We have one in our front garden, its just so pretty to see it when its grown a little. I didnt realise it was some "sign". :rotfl:

Valli

lincroft1710 wrote: »

Apparently pampas grass in front garden is a "secret sign" that occupiers are swingers. May be an urban myth or someone else's in joke though.

oooh I never knew that - someone round the corner has it! I shall look at them in a new light now :rotfl:

vicstick86

your an !!!!,
they sound like nice friendly people who are trying to make you welcome.

I wish you had neighbours from hell either side then you could complain!

tbs624

overdraftoverdrive wrote: »

We moved into a new house 2 weeks ago are new to the north.....

and then....

overdraftoverdrive wrote: »

... We haven't been in lincoln long,.

If you think Lincoln is north wait until you get amongst *real* northerners.........:rotfl:

Your post probably says more about your own youth and inexperience in handling social situations than it does about your neighbours.

I've sometimes found that the very people who irritate me when I first meet them turn out to be pretty decent people. You really don't have to have a total convergence of lifestyle and aspiration etc to hit it off with your neighbours - our differences are what make life interesting. You *can* be friendly and yet keep things on your own terms: it just takes a bit of maturity and some practice. . It's a bit like work dos - there are some people whom you'd really rather not socialise with but it keeps things pleasant to do so every so often.

Better neighbours who are in a bit "in your face" with their presence than those who'd walk past someone's door, looking the other way, neither knowing nor caring whether the occupant is well or even alive.