in a difficult situation with our neighbours- what should we do?

barnaby-bear

lincroft1710 wrote: »

As long as none of the neighbours have pampas grass in front garden you should be OK. Many posters on this site would be immensely grateful for neighbours like yours.

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?p=11474705&highlight=pampus+grass#post11474705

If you seach for pampus grass - you get one of my posts .....

Doozergirl

mrcow wrote: »

Yes - go out with a drink with them. It will solve your problems.

Once they realise what shallow, judgemental, boring old biddies you both are, they'll soon lose interest.

Ya boo sucks to poor neighbours.

I was going to be only a little more diplomatic, but I agree whole-heartedly.

Fancy a drink? :beer:

hearts

GGGeezus! Just read this and had to run out and cut down the bloody Pampas grass. No wonder the neighbours were so nice. Somebody shoulda said.

KiKi

Hi OP

If you have neighbours you don't gel with, that's fine. Just be polite, give them ten minutes every now and then, and keep on friendly terms. Decline invitations out, and say that you like to go to bed early, or something like that. You can be friendly without being best buddies.

However, you make a lot of judgmental statements, which aren't anything to do with them wanting to be 'best mates' and a lot to do with your attitude towards others. Some comments for you:

overdraftoverdrive wrote: »

She is old enough to be our mother for a start and is somebody who will just relentlessly talk and talk and talk. Does it matter that she's older than you? Why is this a problem? Some people talk a lot. Give her some time every now and then to keep on friendly terms. You can't always have it on your own terms, some compromise needs to be there.

She seems a bit of a busybody in fact, she seems a little "desperate housewife esque", and we feel we have nothing in common with her. That's fine that you have nothing in common with her. But so what if she's a bit desperate housewife-esque? It doesn't impact your life, so it's irrelevant. Don't fret over it.

She came into our house uninvited to "have a look" at the place, when i said "you should see the state of the wall", Look at it from her point of view...you suggested she should see the state of the wall, she was trying to be friendly as your new neighbour and took you literally. She was making an effort, you weren't.


and seems to think shes 20 years younger than she is and will make inappropriate comments to people which i find a little embarrassing.
Again, if you *choose* to be embarrassed by people who are older than you who dress or behave younger, that's up to you. But ask yourself why you're bothered...it doesn't hurt you, it doesn't impact your life in any meaningful way. Why is it your business? If she is embarrassing herself, that's her problem, not yours.

My point is that rather than making judgements on her as a person you barely know, just concentrate on the actual *issue*. Which is that you don't want to be best mates. (Given that your really nice neighbour gets on well with her, perhaps you're being too quick too judge??)

I don't have much in common with my upstairs neighbour. We're very different ages, we have very different lives, and I don't want to be best mates with her, either. But I had coffee with her last week to catch up (we do this every couple of months) because it means the relationship is good and I can rely on her to feed my cats (and me hers) when we need some support from each other. I know I can pop upstairs if I need something urgently, and she knows she can do the same with me.

Sometimes in life you have to give a little bit of time to people who you don't naturally gel with in order to make life easier and better. It's all about compromise, because not everyone's the way we'd like them to be. Making judgements on those people who aren't the way we'd like them to be - when it doesn't impact or hurt you in any way - really isn't going to get you very far at all. Focus on the issue, not on your neighbour's lifestyle.

I hope that's helpful.

Cheers
KiKi

overdraftoverdrive

thanks to the nicer posters. As i said in my post- that none of you have seemed to have picked up upon- "there are other reasons i don't want to recount here". i'm sure if i did recount them (theyre things that would pretty much identify the persons involved) then lots of you would change your mind. i'm sorry, but i'm a down to earth person, we both are, we don't have vendettas against these people, but we just want to socialise with our own friends, and choose who we and our family mix with, as this group of people are certainly not the type of people we would choose to socialise with. We haven't been in lincoln long, and we would like to find our own feet before people start latching onto us. I just have a bad feeling about it. i think some of their interference has been unneccessary, but i feel that instead people have chosen to judge me.

Secret_Lady

McKneff wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Gawd almighty, i must have led a sheltered life.:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Me too.............:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

mrcow

overdraftoverdrive wrote: »

but i feel that instead people have chosen to judge me.

That is what tends to happen when someone writes such a bigoted opening post on a thread. You couldn't really expect much else. Perhaps if you explained things in a little less intolerant way, you'd get different answers?

Hazel2705

I assume you mean something likes drugs

My only advice is to move as soon as you can.

mrcow

Hazel2705 wrote: »

I assume you mean something likes drugs

That wouldn't really "identify" the neighbours though would it?

If they were heavily using, growing or dealing drugs, then the OP would have just said.

KiKi

overdraftoverdrive wrote: »

thanks to the nicer posters. As i said in my post- that none of you have seemed to have picked up upon- "there are other reasons i don't want to recount here".

i think some of their interference has been unneccessary, but i feel that instead people have chosen to judge me.

Hi again OP

The problem with forums is that people can only respond based upon what you have posted, not other 'stuff' that you haven't recounted!

I think that if you had stuck to the issue - that you want to be friendly but not best mates - you would have had more posts focused on advice.

But you generally focused on your neighbour's approach to life, which doesn't match yours, and the things you mentioned aren't things that really impact you. So your choosing to mention them make it seem like you are being judgmental of her.

For example, you say 'she's old enough to be our mother for a start'. The fact that she's older, or old enough to be your mother is irrelevant to your issue of how to be friendly without being best mates. The fact that you mention it (particularly using the words 'for a start') suggests you have a problem with her age. That's how it reads to others who don't know anything more.

I know it's frustrating when people don't always respond with useful posts, but I think some of them are judging you because, true or not, your post does come across as judging your neighbour. And without any other information, that's all that other posters have to go on!

I hope you manage to find a compromise.
KiKi