am i being selfish

freyasmum

The_Banker wrote: »

Someones obviously called the cavalry I see.

Is this how it goes? vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv:p

Go on you lot get on that forum and give the Banker a good telling off for me.;)

Nah, I was just looking at the new posts

My dd is slightly younger than the OP's son and I would be feeling exactly the same way if her grandparents decided to do the same to me (either set, I hate being messed around )

poet123

The_Banker wrote: »

Someones obviously called the cavalry I see.

Is this how it goes? vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv:p

Go on you lot get on that forum and give the Banker a good telling off for me.;)

I have no affiliation with anyone on the forums,I call it as I see it.

Your original posts had one angle, and now it has switched. I supect you are playing devils advocate and toying with the posters on this thread:rolleyes:

Are you a tad bored:D

*Louise*

Tbh, in that situation I would most object to being 'told' that the plans were changing rather than being asked if it was okay.

I don't see an extra day as a prob per se, but it would just have been courteous to check that the new arrangements suited the child's mother as well as themselves.

I would love to be able to let my kids go away with my inlaws on a holiday, but unfortunately they are very heavy smokers and we can't trust them not to smoke round the kids when we aren't there.

sam - it is great that you seem to have a good relationship with them, and you obviously trust them. I would try and have a quick chat about the way things were handled (lack of contact etc) then move on and try not to let it taint future arrangements.

BallandChain

I'm with ThatgirlSam. I actually feel angry on her behalf that the grandparents are pulling all the strings by not allowing Sam to speak to her little boy. To top it off they are coming back a day later. They didn't ask, they told the mother despite the fact she has had to juggle her shifts around.

What really concerns me is that the grandparents could be deliberately not letting the little boy speak to his mum in case he gets upset (meaning they come back early.) Who is to say that he isn't missing his mum and dad already? Of course I am only speculating and may be way off beam but plans had already been made for when they'd come back and the mum had asked they phone so she could speak to her boy. It seems as if the grandparents are controlling the situation.

It seems as if they are deliberately coming back late so the little one stays at their house overnight. I hope the little boy's dad has plenty to say when they get back.

bandraoi

I think if you're missing him that much, it's a little unhealthy. Even your activities when he's gone have been solely focused on him, decorating his room, anticipating his reaction. Your son, at 4 is growing up and beginning the very slow process of moving away from you. You need to work on the process of moving away from him too.

poet123

Lord, he is only 4 not 14!!

Nenen

thatgirlsam I do not think you are being at all selfish... and to all the posters who say OP is selfish because her son is 'having a whale of a time' (or words to that effect) how do you know this? OP only has the grandparents word for this and, as they have demonstrated, their word means nothing. They couldn't even keep their promise to ring and let her know they'd arrived safely!

I would hazard a guess that they are refusing to let OP's son speak to her or his father because they know he will get upset and tell them he wants to go home. I think the OP is amazingly generous to let the grandparents take her son more than 6 hours car journey away from her for a whole week. At 4 years old I would not have let anybody do this with any of my children... 2 days/1 night within an hours drive would have been the absolute maximum I would have allowed. ...and before anyone accuses me of being an overpossesive mother myself, all three of my children (now 19, 22 and 23) are incredibly well-rounded, confident adults, have all had various foreign holidays in their teens without me and all gone off happily to various universities around the country at 18 with my encouragement and blessing. I just happen to believe that at four years old OP's son (who probably hasn't even started school yet) is still very, very young to be away from his Mum for this length of time.

If I were the OP I would NEVER let them take my son on holiday again... at least not until he is considerably older and is sure he wants to do it for himself (at 4 years old he might say he wants to go but not really be able to make an informed judement about what he will really feel like being away from his mum for this length of time). Young children tend to make choices based on immediate gratification - thinking of treats, ice creams and sand castles etc and not be able to consider the abstract concepts of time and distance from mum.

As the OP has said, I think it is particularly obnoxious that the grandparents are telling her they are coming home at a different time to that agreed rather than asking her. They are the ones who are being rude, inconsiderate and selfish.

Nenen

bandraoi wrote: »

I think if you're missing him that much, it's a little unhealthy. Even your activities when he's gone have been solely focused on him, decorating his room, anticipating his reaction. Your son, at 4 is growing up and beginning the very slow process of moving away from you. You need to work on the process of moving away from him too.

I disagree totally.... I think if she was not missing him that much then it would be extremely unhealthy and unnatural! You try getting between any animal mother (e.g. lion, dog, elephant) and her still physically dependent baby (which is what human children are until they hit puberty) and see what comes naturally!

robpw2

Nenen wrote: »

thatgirlsam I do not think you are being at all selfish... and to all the posters who say OP is selfish because her son is 'having a whale of a time' (or words to that effect) how do you know this? QUOTE]
i agree with your wonderful post nenen the only thing i would say is that when someone asks am i being selfish people will tend to respond with yes or no and then their reasons if the op had written are the grandparents being selfish there would be thouse who call them selfish and those that would defend them
i dont like the word as their is automatically so many negative emotions bought about by it

i think thatgirlsam would have been better not asking if she was selfish or not but watever or not people thnik she should do in this situation

Surfbabe

On a different tack - I wouldn;t want to be stuck in a car on a journey of 6 -7 hours (normal travelling time) that is likely to take a lot longer on a Saturday when the world and his wife are retruning for holiday. We've done the journey home from Cornwall (similar travelling time) during the day and it has taken up to 12 hours!!! By leaving around tea time it should only take the 6-7 hours.

BTW phone reception in Cornwall is rubbish unless you have access to a land line - so there may be very good reasons why GP's rang late.

life's to short to worry about this - and yes I have children (20 and 17) who have been away on their own with GP's and other relatives from an early age.