am i being selfish

thatgirlsam

ds who is 4 has been on holiday this week with his grandparents , my ex's mum and dad.. who i get on very well with-

-they went last saturday and are were due to return this saturday-

-i have missed him terribly and have had a few issues , they have gone to cornwall , about a 6 or 7 hour drive away from us - i asked them to ring me when they got there , which they did not - i finally got through about 3 hours after they arrived -

i have tried to ring every day to speak to him but have not been able to get through a few times, they have rung me back after he has gone to bed so i couldn't say hi to him
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and now they have rung to say they will be coming back so late on saturday that he will have to stay at their house sat night , this wasn't the deal at all , i have arranged my shifts at work to fit around him coming home sat aft ..
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i ahve also decorated his bedroom this week and i was so excited and looking forward to sat
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-his father is also not happy as he cannot take him out for the day on sun which is fathers day as i want to spend soem time with him - he can still come round of course
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-am i selfish to want him back sat , he is having a great time by all accounts and they want an extra day if it is going to be nice weather

robpw2

could you not go down friday night and spend sa with them and then sunday he can spend with dad

thatgirlsam

i will be at work fri night rob .. i have been doing nights this week - the plan was i would sleep sat till about 2pm and then wait for him to come home

The_Banker_5

thatgirlsam wrote: »

i will be at work fri night rob .. i have been doing nights this week - the plan was i would sleep sat till about 2pm and then wait for him to come home

You will have to come to terms with the fact that life does not revolve around you.

Your son is having a lovely time and his grandparents have been good enough to take him on holiday so why spoil it for your own selfishness.

Sorry for being blunt.

robpw2

oh sorry didnt realise you worked nights sorry

i don't think your being selfish at all hes your child and you very kindly allowed him to go with the grandparents and you all set up what would happen and they are changing the plans

Buddingblonde

You are being selfish - but I can understand why you could feel put out.

It is annoying when people change plans when you have already made appointments/arrangements but this is not an everyday occurance. It is a once in a blue moon opportunity for a little boy to build memories of his family for the future. The last thing you want to do is cause any tension between you all over such minor issues if you can help it.

Look at it from their point of view - they are getting to spend time and love on their grandchild, the day will come when he wont be able to go with them. There could be other children, new families, school commitments etc etc.

In the big scheme of things, does it really matter if he is happy? I know that you are excited about showing him his room - he will still be as pleased on sunday. And he will still see his father on fathers day.

Make sure in future that you are firmer (in a nice way) so that they understand what you expect from them while they are away with your son. That way everyone will know where they stand and no ones feelings get hurt.

robpw2

The_Banker wrote: »

You will have to come to terms with the fact that life does not revolve around you.

Your son is having a lovely time and his grandparents have been good enough to take him on holiday so why spoil it for your own selfishness.

Sorry for being blunt.

i take it you don't have children ?
i know i do not but i know what its like to miss something and to be looking forward to the return to find someone else has changed the plans

Minxy_Bella

The_Banker wrote: »

You will have to come to terms with the fact that life does not revolve around you.

Your son is having a lovely time and his grandparents have been good enough to take him on holiday so why spoil it for your own selfishness.

Sorry for being blunt.

Excuse me?

I'm sorry but I think this reply is horrible!

The OP is the boy's mother - she should have control over where he is and where he sleeps IMO. Yes, it's very nice for the ex's parents to take him away on holiday but they have no right to dictate the terms of his return, especially as the OP has changed her work shifts to ensure that she is at home waiting for him. Besides, he is only 4 and she's missed him. I don't know how you can call a loving mother 'selfish' for wanting to see her child after a whole week away!

OP - I would tell the grandparents that that is not convenient and you would appreciate it if they could return him at the pre-arranged time. Then your ex can see him on Father's Day, which is also important.

poet123

No, I dont think you are being selfish, you had an expectation of when he would be back and had planned accordingly, and now you are disappointed. It is very understandable, and when they are so little a week is a long time to have them away from you. Tbh I would have been a bit annoyed that the in laws didnt ring as you had arranged, and have now decided to delay their return home. What is stopping them leaving after breakfast? especially as you have arranged your hours around the original arrangements.

If you dont feel able to tell them that, then you will have to swallow your annoyance but I think you have a right to feel thatway.

Enjoy your reunion.

tamlem

I totally understand how you feel, you must be missing him terribly but of course don't want to cut his fun short!

I might be missing something here but isn't your ex, who wants to see him on fathers day, their son??

Could he maybe have a word with them, it might be better coming from him?

thatgirlsam

tamlem wrote: »

I totally understand how you feel, you must be missing him terribly but of course don't want to cut his fun short!

I might be missing something here but isn't your ex, who wants to see him on fathers day, their son??

Could he maybe have a word with them, it might be better coming from him?

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yes he is their son ... he has said i am a bit upset about it and they need to let me know what time they will be back - they have said they will bring him home but they won't be bcak till about midnight , i don't know what to say to them , wether they should bring him home to me or to their house
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i am missing him so much - its quite painfull actually being seperated from him for so long