am i being selfish

consultant31

Getting back at midnight is going to make it an awfully long day for a little one surely? It suggests that they won't be setting off back until going on for tea-time which isn't usual with a holiday (well not with mine anyway).

As a parent and a grandparent, I can see it from both sides. It's just once a year, I don't think I'd push it this year, but make sure they understand your feelings for next year.

I expect your son will be just as excited to see you as you are to see him, so Sunday is going to be great for both of you

JWM

thatgirlsam wrote: »

well i tried to ring but no reply so left a message on ex fil phone saying i would like him brought back to mine , also wishing him a happy birthday , fil not son, and hoped son had given him the present we hid in his bag -

-got a message back saying they would be back to mine about 9.30pm so i am happy with this -

-i have found the experience a bit traumatic tbh - ds turned 4 last month - he seems so little ... but i am sure he has coped with the seperation much better than me
-
-i don't really care who thinks that is sad or not - i love my kids very much

Don't apologise OP, you sound like a lovely Mum.

DS would not have gone away for a week without me aged 4, it was very brave and kind of you to allow it.

Some unpleasant people on this thread though. You are not selfish, far from it, and as for the nutter who said 'he's 4 - its time to let him go'!! Well words fail me - incredibly stupid or a troll? Impossible to be a genuine reply surely?

And as for The Banker......your name is almost correct, just one letter out. No one to annoy on the discussions thread today?? :rolleyes:

The_Banker_5

JWM wrote: »

Don't apologise OP, you sound like a lovely Mum.

DS would not have gone away for a week without me aged 4, it was very brave and kind of you to allow it.

Some unpleasant people on this thread though. You are not selfish, far from it, and as for the nutter who said 'he's 4 - its time to let him go'!! Well words fail me - incredibly stupid or a troll? Impossible to be a genuine reply surely?

And as for The Banker......your name is almost correct, just one letter out. No one to annoy on the discussions thread today?? :rolleyes:

So because someones opinion is different from your own you resort to calling them Stupid or a Troll and then you have the gall to call me a not very nice name just like the other few people on this thread who seem unable to handle criticism then resort to personal insults which in my opinion is about as low and as childish as you can get.;)

Ive just had a look back at a few of your previous posts and you seem to have a habit of calling people 'Stupid' or 'Trolls'

I suggest you take a long hard look at yourself and grow up and stop resorting to the playground mentality of making silly remarks.;)

YorkiePud_3

How ridiculous of the grandparents ... to not let the OP speak to her son (or his father, come to that) ... and to say they were coming back AFTER the time arranged was out of order. Do they get a kick out of trying to take control?

The OP had made arrangements with work and probably told her little boy when he was coming home.

The grandparents ought to think themselves lucky she let him go with them. He's a young boy and all that way away from home ... the very least she could have expected would have been the courtesy of having them let the lad phone her every day to tell her what he had been doing that day etc ...

Can't for the life of me think why they didn't allow any contact ... but I would be saying to them that while it is lovely they want to take him away I did not appreciate them trying to alter the arrangements and certainly did not appreciate them not allowing him to have any voice contact with Mum ...

Then I would tell them I would have to seriously think hard about ever letting them take him away again.

In a world of right and wrongs, this has been sooo wrong ... OP I really feel for you and can imagine you've been in a state all week ... at least he will be home soon and you can tell the grandparents straight gggrrrr cos I blooming well would!!!

mumps

Nenen wrote: »

thatgirlsam I do not think you are being at all selfish... and to all the posters who say OP is selfish because her son is 'having a whale of a time' (or words to that effect) how do you know this? OP only has the grandparents word for this and, as they have demonstrated, their word means nothing. They couldn't even keep their promise to ring and let her know they'd arrived safely!

I would hazard a guess that they are refusing to let OP's son speak to her or his father because they know he will get upset and tell them he wants to go home. I think the OP is amazingly generous to let the grandparents take her son more than 6 hours car journey away from her for a whole week. At 4 years old I would not have let anybody do this with any of my children... 2 days/1 night within an hours drive would have been the absolute maximum I would have allowed. ...and before anyone accuses me of being an overpossesive mother myself, all three of my children (now 19, 22 and 23) are incredibly well-rounded, confident adults, have all had various foreign holidays in their teens without me and all gone off happily to various universities around the country at 18 with my encouragement and blessing. I just happen to believe that at four years old OP's son (who probably hasn't even started school yet) is still very, very young to be away from his Mum for this length of time.

If I were the OP I would NEVER let them take my son on holiday again... at least not until he is considerably older and is sure he wants to do it for himself (at 4 years old he might say he wants to go but not really be able to make an informed judement about what he will really feel like being away from his mum for this length of time). Young children tend to make choices based on immediate gratification - thinking of treats, ice creams and sand castles etc and not be able to consider the abstract concepts of time and distance from mum.

As the OP has said, I think it is particularly obnoxious that the grandparents are telling her they are coming home at a different time to that agreed rather than asking her. They are the ones who are being rude, inconsiderate and selfish.

I can understand her disappointment and see why she is annoyed but I think you are assuming 4 year olds would be unhappy to be with grandparents for a week. My grandson is 4 and has been away on holiday with us for a week last summer i.e. when he was three. He was thrilled to see mum and dad when he got back but he thoroughly enjoyed the week and we had great difficulty getting him to speak to them on the phone. Lots of little boys are far to busy enjoying themselves to bother with phones. I think it depends on the child's relationship with grandparents and you have to make a judgement. The OP obviously felt her son would enjoy the holiday or she wouldn't have let him go.

To the OP - I wouldn't let it upset the weekend. I am sure he has had a good time, his grandparents will have enjoyed having him and no doubt feel that everyone is happy. I would wait and mention it next time you see them or let ex sort it out. This time next week it will all be a distant memory.

Loopy_Girl

thatgirlsam wrote: »

well i tried to ring but no reply so left a message on ex fil phone saying i would like him brought back to mine , also wishing him a happy birthday , fil not son, and hoped son had given him the present we hid in his bag -

-got a message back saying they would be back to mine about 9.30pm so i am happy with this -

-i have found the experience a bit traumatic tbh - ds turned 4 last month - he seems so little ... but i am sure he has coped with the seperation much better than me
-
-i don't really care who thinks that is sad or not - i love my kids very much

So whu come on a public forum and ask for opinions about your feelings? If you are comfy in your thoughts and feelings then surely you don't need a load of strangers to validate them? If you were angry and upset then so be it - you clearly have the right to those feelings but don't come on a forum like this and expect everyone to send cyber hugs and tut tut about the 'big bad grandparents'. Or are you one of these posters that only likes the answer you want to your question and are dismissive of anybody disagreeing?

You must have known you would have missed him this much so to allow him to go and get yourself in the state you have is ridiculous.

If you had reservations at the start then I'm sure some of the 'forcefulness' that you have claimed you have said in the past would have been useful to say no, I think he's too young.

Loopy_Girl

poet123 wrote: »

You dont need to apologise, I spent yesterday like a cat on a hot tin roof as youngest DS (12)had gone Alton Towers with the school, and as he doesnt like rides had visions of him being pressured into going on the really big ones. As it turns out I got a txt at lunchtime saying it was brill, and he had been on Oblivion twice:eek:

Fancy that;)

shellsuit

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

So whu come on a public forum and ask for opinions about your feelings? If you are comfy in your thoughts and feelings then surely you don't need a load of strangers to validate them? If you were angry and upset then so be it - you clearly have the right to those feelings but don't come on a forum like this and expect everyone to send cyber hugs and tut tut about the 'big bad grandparents'. Or are you one of these posters that only likes the answer you want to your question and are dismissive of anybody disagreeing?

You must have known you would have missed him this much so to allow him to go and get yourself in the state you have is ridiculous.

If you had reservations at the start then I'm sure some of the 'forcefulness' that you have claimed you have said in the past would have been useful to say no, I think he's too young.

Do you have children Loopygirl?

thatgirlsam

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

So whu come on a public forum and ask for opinions about your feelings? If you are comfy in your thoughts and feelings then surely you don't need a load of strangers to validate them? If you were angry and upset then so be it - you clearly have the right to those feelings but don't come on a forum like this and expect everyone to send cyber hugs and tut tut about the 'big bad grandparents'. Or are you one of these posters that only likes the answer you want to your question and are dismissive of anybody disagreeing?

You must have known you would have missed him this much so to allow him to go and get yourself in the state you have is ridiculous.

If you had reservations at the start then I'm sure some of the 'forcefulness' that you have claimed you have said in the past would have been useful to say no, I think he's too young.

-
actually i appreciate everyones input - i am aware we all have different opinions and that is why i posted -

-can you point out any comments i have made where i have said you should not have those opinions -

or were you just rambling

OrkneyStar

The_Banker wrote: »

You will have to come to terms with the fact that life does not revolve around you.

Your son is having a lovely time and his grandparents have been good enough to take him on holiday so why spoil it for your own selfishness.

Sorry for being blunt.

I don't think OP wants things to revolve around her, she clearly loves her child and is not being selfish imho.
The grandparents made arrangements when they would take him, and when they would return him.
They are now changing that, fully aware that this it is Father's Day on Sunday, and perhaps trying to keep him until then ?
I would be annoyed, however would try not to let my son see it, and focus on the fact that he has had a good time.
Just because it is not the perfect reaction to be annoyed does not mean it is abnormal to react this way.
I hope you get things sorted out OP with as little friction as possible.