A new start for Mooloo

SuziQ

Mooloo, I almost feel that ypur son is reacting to feeling he has been at the end of a long chain of need for a long time. I say this, as my oldest son sometimes goes through these phases, as well. He has watched you busting your gut for the twins-relentlessly, over and again-and probably an unreasonable part of his brain expresses feelings of feeling 'forgotten' when things were at their height with the twins, by thinking-hang on, look what she does for them-all I want is the cinema times! I know it's unfair on you, but I have said before that I feel his needs have remained unmet on several occasions. And please don't feel I am criticising you-you really are a marvel!- I have had the same complaints from my own son about him feeling that his younger brother always comes first, and gets away with murder due to his special needs-and I have to agree with him, at times (I am only human and I get things wrong!!) I have the steve biddulph book-it's very good, but my faves at the moment are 'Mending the broken bond' Dr Frank Lawlis, and 'How to talk so teens will listen &listen so teens will talk'. I have had some startling discussions with my 15 year old with excersises from that second book!

Kimitatsu

Morning Mooloo

I love that phrase from Erata - psychic rubble lol - it sums it all up so perfectly!

Hope that you feel better today, but I think the feelings you are having are totally normal! I know when I moved house, the night before, all of our worldly belongings were packed into the van, we were sleeping on mattresses so we could all make an early start and the removal guys had spent all day getting everything sorted. I had spent all day telling everyone how brilliant it was going to be and I sat there and thought - you know we could just unpack it all tomorrow and not move, I am sure it would be ok

I didnt unpack it all, and we did move (although it was stressful!) and have been here for 4 happy years. Sometimes I think it is just the worry of the unknown that challenges us, and its always easier to stick with what you know!

Do you have anyone that can come and help YOU Mooloo? From your threads all I ever see is someone who keeps her family together constantly, that everyone leans on, but I dont see that you have anyone to lean on sometimes. I know you post on here, but its no substitute for someone else making you a cup of tea and giving you a hug. :grouphug:

I think to be fair to your son, teenagers move at a differing time speed to us! My dishwasher is broken at the moment so DS1 was helping me to wash up, he was amazed at how quickly I did it - it had taken him 3 times as long the day before :rotfl: I always say that they have no concept of time because they are never late - always we are chivying them along! Break down what you want him to do in small easy chunks, so sort out books first, then sort out that shelf and so on.......that way you can praise him for the little bits and he feels that he has your attention.

Take care of yourself, we are all there with you in spirit of not in body!

xx

Skint_Lynne

I think that it is indeed the case Mooloo that you are a bit apprehensive about all the work and stress that a move brings. You know that you have around a month before you go. What I did was packed away things that I knew I would not use much before I went. I just done a small amount every day and put my boxes into a big cupboard that I had in my old house. I ended up with just a shell on the day of the move.

I got these long banana boxes with lids and holders out of the supermarket, they are excellent for a move. Just ask when you are in town. I can't advise much on your son as I don't have any kids, but I know that you can get disheartened by other people's behaviour at times. My DH works away and did nothing when we moved, in fact, he came home to the new house on the night after the fact and started moaning because everything was not where it should be. I blew a gasket to put it mildly.:rotfl:

It will all be worth it when you are settled into your new home. My best as always. x

floss2

Mooloo, next time you are in any supermarkets, pick up some melon or tomato boxes - the ones with rigid corners. They are stackable, and just the right size for paperbacks, CD, DVDs, videos. We have found these to be invaluable when moving, and you can pack them up over time & stack them in a corner until the move-day.

Kimitatsu

Skint_Lynne wrote: »

My DH works away and did nothing when we moved, in fact, he came home to the new house on the night after the fact and started moaning because everything was not where it should be. I blew a gasket to put it mildly.:rotfl:

It will all be worth it when you are settled into your new home. My best as always. x

I had this my DH works away a lot and didnt even see our house until a week before we were due to move! I had been packing for weeks - the living room was floor to ceiling in boxes and he stood in the middle of it all and said "Do you know we are moving in a week?"

I cant tell you what my response was :eek:

Mooloo moving is one of the most stressful things you can do, not made any easier by the fact you have a little one with you all of the time at the moment. Bit by bit is the only way I am afraid xx

Savvy_Sue

The closest I came to divorcing DH was when we moved ...

We ran out of packing tape and he didn't tell me! And the shops were shut, and I was on my own, and ...

Actually, forget divorce, if he'd been within reach it would have been murder! :rotfl:

Savvy_sewing

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

The closest I came to divorcing DH was when we moved ...

We ran out of packing tape and he didn't tell me! And the shops were shut, and I was on my own, and ...

Actually, forget divorce, if he'd been within reach it would have been murder! :rotfl:

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: Thanks, thats brought a smile to my face.

Today I have been at the courts with twin2.
I gave the father of DGS2 a lift to the courts. Havent seen him since May. Was very strange. My DS asked me if I would help him.
Twin2 didnt seem to mind at him sharing the car.

I got to speak to the solicitor but not to go into the courts, but i had a copy of the applications they were going to be discussing etc.
It looks like the other family have had a bad report on thier abilities to care for the boys, and the father of DGS1 failed the drugs tests so he was in a foul mood and I saw him storm out of the building at one stage. The other grandparents have 2 weeks to apply for/supply any independant reviews on them. She is going mental and so is the father. (He was there she was not), she doesnt want to have SS interviene, and they were intending to have thier son move in with them, they stay at work, and he care for the boys. They would have the other one if it meant they could have thier grandson. That didnt go down very well as you can imagine.

We are to wait now for phsyciatric reports on Mum and her partner, and the information from Wales why he had been in care as a child.

Then the bomb dropped. Is there any chance that any of the family i.e. me, or my other daughter could have the boys if the mother is unable to?
Twin2 has just asked me if she could come back home to live with me, so that she could keep the boys. That I would have the boys and she would be on hand to help.
I am in shock. We have until the 8th November to decide what we are going to do.

I dont know what to do. Biggest of Mooloo is away in America and will not be back until the 3rd. She is also expecting a child of her own, due at the end of May. So I fear its highly unlikely that she would be able to take on the boys as well.! She is going to have her hands full as it is.

I am lost.

jackieglasgow

Right. Don't panic. For starters you do not, even in the new house, have enough room for her and the children. For seconds it never worked the first time, and she only had DGS1 then. In an ideal world you could but this is not an ideal world, and you would be left holding all three babies, most likely making yourself ill, with the distinct possibility all three would end up in care. Not to mention that the tenuous relationship with DS will most likely irretrievably break down. You aren't superwoman.

Lastly, congratulations on Biggest's news, a baby is a blessing and she will be a great mother. xxx

thorsoak

Mooloo - before you even think about making any decisions about the boys - look at what you have posted here over the last year - about your daughter's inability/unwillingness to look after her boys. Her friends have always come first - and these are the friends that you do not like/approve of. Life will not become any easier for you - and the answer has to be no, no NO NO!

At the moment, DGD is running you ragged - and you have had her, and the bringing up of her for almost a year now. The two boys have been with a lovely foster family - but would be taken away from them/their routines and plonked down with you - and you know that with the best will in the world, promises made by social workers are just that - promises of help at some time in the future.

Much as it must break your heart (and I know it would break mine) you have to accept your limitations - and with Biggest Mooloo expecting her own baby in the spring - congratulations on that btw - that's wonderful news and I really think that this is a joyous expectation all round - as much as Twin2 will promise to come home and live and bring up her sons herself - it won't happen.

STAND FIRM! (and isn't that exactly what BF will say??)

{{hugs}}

Errata

A bombshell indeed!
I think it's proper and natural for enquiries to be made to discover if any other family member could take the boys. It's also quite natural that Twin2 should ask if you could take in her and the boys.

Clearly Biggest will have plenty to manage with a new baby.

You are not in a postion to offer as to do so you would need a 5 bedroom house. Which you haven't got at the moment, won't be moving into in a few weeks time, and the likelihood of a council or housing association 5 bedroom house becoming available any time soon is vanishingly small, and may not exist anyway.
Don't you think that the best thing for their boys would be for them to be with their mum and her BF in their house, living as a family with some parenting support? Could you push for this?

Remembering what happened when you were all together; the twins did next to nothing except argue with each other, your son was very unhappy, Biggest moved out because it was driving her up the wall, your OH wasn't happy with the situation, and you were totally exhausted and seriously depressed.
It's a hard situation to find yourself in, but if you take in Twin2 and the boys you may see even less of your son and your OH, and DGD's mum will question why you can't take her in as well; something you will have to have a very good answer for.

Talk it over with your OH this weekend if you're able to. Best wishes as always.