A new start for Mooloo

Savvy_sewing

We had an early start to the day. DGD was up just before 6. Which is a pity as I was up till about 1am, as I couldnt sleep. Too much on my mind.
Life is a bit complicated at the moment, and its all going around and around in my head. am I doing the right thing in having DGD, when I cannot help the boys. Is my health going to stabilise so I can do this. What future will we have, what future do I have, can i give her what she needs. etc etc.
I know its all silly but its just with the review coming up this week, its really hard not to be in the negative some of the time. Doesnt help when I dont have BF anymore.

jackieglasgow

Mooloo, have a hug from me. I am sorry, I missed where you said you and BF had split? I thought he was on holiday at the moment. No wonder you are feeling a bit down and confused, have a hug from me XXXX

Savvy_sewing

jackieglasgow wrote: »

Mooloo, have a hug from me. I am sorry, I missed where you said you and BF had split? I thought he was on holiday at the moment. No wonder you are feeling a bit down and confused, have a hug from me XXXX

I didt put it in big letters. I didnt want all the rigmarole of the last time coming up. But I am lost and that is the truth.

minimoneysaver

Is it because he doesn't want to deal with DGD or is it all of the other 'stuff' that was just getting too much? From what you were saying he was good with DGD and enjoyed her company, so i'm guessing it was the latter option.

Savvy_sewing

minimoneysaver wrote: »

Is it because he doesn't want to deal with DGD or is it all of the other 'stuff' that was just getting too much? From what you were saying he was good with DGD and enjoyed her company, so i'm guessing it was the latter option.

All of it was just too much.

Savvy_sewing

Well I have tried not to pour out my problems about my relationship as BF doesnt like it. However BF has decided that he doesnt want to be BF anymore so does that count?
My family problems are huge as everyone here knows. especially those who have followed me through the aftermath of my bankrupcy as well.
I came on to the relationships board for a reason. Its becuase my relationships are a mess. 3 years on, and I am still in a mess.

I love my BF (ExBF) very much. But have often had my periods of doubts as we are still apart 6 years down the line.
First it was his messy divorce.
Then my loosing the Pub and going bankrupt.
Then it was jealousy while I lived so far away from him, and insecurity on myside becuase of it all.
then of course it was my children.! My children are a nightmare it is true to say. But dispite him thinking it, they are my children and I cannot really abandon them. Dispite the fact that the twins are lazy, and live in thier own little world, they have problems and they do not see the world the way we do.
Then there is my son. Who was not up to the standards of his ideas, or of his children.
The way we both disagreed about the way we brought our children up.
So yes we have disagreed, but we have always managed to make it work, as we were of course. Me moving into my flat, having my career, and meeting in the evenings, or weekends. Usually though after the first attempt at living together failed, (due to family, and lack of space, and trust), I had the council flat.
Then of course along come the grandchildren, and my family depended on me more and not less.
On holidays we were like two seperate camps, and my children soon stopped coming. Sometimes I felt I was a stranger in his house, and his kids at one time were really horrible to me, (behind his back of course).
But years have gone by, and we were riding the storms and I thought we would soon have a nest free of children, and that dream of the future together would be easier, and infront of us.
The bleak times on my own always brightened by that thought.
The situations all are around here somewhere, documented in my thoughts poured out here.

Moving Forward.
Thats the problem, we are no nearer, moving forward.
There is no light at the end of the tunnel.
I can see a way forward, and I had hoped that the love and care he was showing to DGD would continue to blossom, and although we had not planned to have a child to bring up, especially at our ages, I could see it working.
The Social Services need to know what kind of a family/relationship DGD is going into, and naturally ask questions.
I of course did not know the answers to these questions and so I asked him.
Did he see a way forward, and how would we reach that end goal?
I wanted to see us making steps towards a future together, and would my having DGD change that?
As DGD is getting bigger, would we be able to make a room for her at his house, for stability, etc So she didnt feel like mine did, stuck in the dining room, and not allowed to make it their room.

Did he see a time when we could move in togther, and if we did so,
Would my family be welcome to come and visit us, or not?
That I wanted to share our birthdays (ha) and christmases and that I wanted to be under the same roof as him, sooner rather then later I suppose.

Are my questions fair?
Am I as he puts it backing him into a corner. So he has said enough is enough, and he has no other choice.

Is it my fault for pushing him away?
Am I stupid to want more, considering my family and my world?
Am I expecting miracles from him? Or just a natural progression?
Is it fair of him to keep me at arms length all the time.? Just to have the good times with? Not to be around when I am sad, lonely and exhausted? Not to have someone there to cuddle up to at night, and say its Ok, I am here for you?
Am I really so stupid as to think that thats a normal feeling? To want to share your world with the man you love, not to just dip in and out of it as he or I choose?

I am so gutted at the moment. I havent been able to stop crying all day. Well on and off in my quiet moments for the last two weeks, but now, after he is back off of his time away. (leaving my birthday present in the greenhouse, gave me hope? False hope it seems.

He wont talk to me. It was texts or emails before, and this last few days texts alone (due to being away).
Today, he is at his sailing club, working, his duty marshalling. So its fair to say he cannot come and see me, but surely after 6 years a meeting to discuss things. Talking not texting should be the way to work out whether or not what is happening between us, is a knee jerk reaction, or whether or not it will be possible in time to join the two parts of our lives?

thorsoak

It would appear that you have come to the end of this particular road, Mooloo - and that is sad. Maybe it would have been different, if you and your children, had not had to face the problems that you have faced - maybe if he had less judgemental - but we all have to deal with the situations as they are - not what we would like them to be.

You have come a long and rocky road with your family - you've dragged them, pushed them, pulled them through all sorts of obstacles - you've done as great a job as any one of us could have done in the circumstances - and you've done it on your own - and well done you! You've not had the support you deserved - from ex-OHs/fathers of your children, from BF or from Social Services - but your oldest daughter is a credit to you, your two troubled middles are learning to stand on their own feet (and learning the consequences of making mistakes) and your youngest seems to be coming on well. And now - your DGD is blossoming under your care - she is happy, secure, and - best of all - she is loved - and she knows it. Twin 2's boys are doing okay with their foster parents as well.

Take this next few weeks gently, be gentle on yourself - you are learning your limitations and learning what you can push against and knock over, and what you can't. Build up your strength, your resolution and see what September brings.

{{hugs}}

Savvy_sewing

thorsoak wrote: »

It would appear that you have come to the end of this particular road, Mooloo - and that is sad. Maybe it would have been different, if you and your children, had not had to face the problems that you have faced - maybe if he had less judgemental - but we all have to deal with the situations as they are - not what we would like them to be.

You have come a long and rocky road with your family - you've dragged them, pushed them, pulled them through all sorts of obstacles - you've done as great a job as any one of us could have done in the circumstances - and you've done it on your own - and well done you! You've not had the support you deserved - from ex-OHs/fathers of your children, from BF or from Social Services - but your oldest daughter is a credit to you, your two troubled middles are learning to stand on their own feet (and learning the consequences of making mistakes) and your youngest seems to be coming on well. And now - your DGD is blossoming under your care - she is happy, secure, and - best of all - she is loved - and she knows it. Twin 2's boys are doing okay with their foster parents as well.

Take this next few weeks gently, be gentle on yourself - you are learning your limitations and learning what you can push against and knock over, and what you can't. Build up your strength, your resolution and see what September brings.

{{hugs}}

Tomorrow seem so far away, never mind September.
But you are probably right.
Maybe today is my day of mourning the future I will never have or the person I thought that I loved, who said it was alway and forever, and I belived him.

I think DGD has gone to sleep now. DS is on his Xbox.
Iwant to get in my car and drive, as far as I can, and not look back?
But all I seem to be doing is crying,like a lovesick teenager!

thorsoak

Maybe what you are mourning is something that you never actually had - the dream that never materialised

Allow yourself to be sad, to cry - why should teenagers have all the enjoyment of misery? Once DGD wakes up, you can blow your nose & pretend for a while to be happy.

Another {{hug}}

Savvy_sewing

thorsoak wrote: »

Maybe what you are mourning is something that you never actually had - the dream that never materialised

Allow yourself to be sad, to cry - why should teenagers have all the enjoyment of misery? Once DGD wakes up, you can blow your nose & pretend for a while to be happy.

Another {{hug}}

Your probably very right. Thanks. shall allow myself to wallow with a few lovesongs on the U tube and I already have the tissues here
I touch type so half of the time, I can allow them tears to come, as I dont need to see to write, just to read.!!


Have I been stupid holding on, trying to make things work for so long?
Probably Have. But its not stopping the hurt that I feel at the moment.