A new start for Mooloo

Savvy_sewing

Social Worker for fostering team has gone.
What inquizative questioning. Deep questions that are hard to answer.
I am now scared that the home is not suitable, and that my medical will get in the way. It is not decided by her. Now it has to go to Panel, then another assessment after that.
Mums access to DGD has to be changed though.
Will mean that I have to take the bed out of her room, that Mum uses. It is a bit of a squeeze up there.
I can claim back the cost of the bed/carseat etc. If I can find the receipts.
We will have to see.
I never did sort out all my finances and paperwork. I shall have to see what I have lurking. A good excuse to sort out the receiipts stuffed in drawers.
Ex husbands and old friends are to be contacted for references and opinions of what i am like as a mother!
Thats not so good.

I am drained and exhausted. Good job that DGD is in Nursery. I have 2 more hours to myself before I have to collect her. Hopefully that will give me time to relax and get my energy back.

I am feeling so negative today, such an intense day.

clairehi

The visit sounds like it was mentally draining Mooloo, hope you feel better when you've had a rest.

It seems extraordinary that SS are only now making you jump through these hoops as IIRC they were the ones who months ago physically brought DGD to you in the first place. If you were not a fit fosterer what could have happened in the meantime?

I am sure xOH will give you a good reference after what he said the other day - that you could not have done more for the twins.

If you can't find receipts for the bed etc, would there be anything listed on your bank statement (if you paid by card?) that could be used as proof of purchase? Also if you know the date you bought things, the shop may be able to find a record on their system if it was fairly recently.

Savvy_sewing

I shall have a look for the receipt. I am sure I did keep it. At least the one for the bed. Its either in the drawer in the sewing table, or the bedside locker, or oh it could have got as far as the file!!!!:o

If I find out the cost of things, that I dont have the receipt for, I may be able to claim some of it, but we will see. Just the £130 for the bed would be brilliant, and enable me to breathe easyish again.

(there is some money away in savings, but I havent had savings since the bankruptcy and I dont want to touch any of that, until we have a little nest egg!).
Any money that i make from my sewing, (once I actually manage to get things to sell, sorted out and on show), will go into the same savings pot. I want to have a disaster fund for DGD and myself. As well as holidays etc.
Have to re do her passport application, as I am not allowed to apply as there is no court order. So need a new form. Want to do that, as there is her holiday money put aside, (BF has it for me), and I want to take her away if we do decided to have a holiday abroad this year.
Wishes and dreams. All held in the balance, of a Fostering Panel, who know nothing of our life.
Fear the worst, becuase I have become a pessimist over the years, and I must look to the positive.
Lets face it, if there was a problem that was so big, they would have said, oh no, she cant stay here already, and would have taken her away!. So its just me being silly and paranoid.

No I am sure it will be fine.
I love my DGD and she loves me, we are getting on fine. (Even if I am knackered and go to bed when she does a couple of times a week!)

Errata

It sounds like quite an intensive visit. Sit down and a cup of tea and choccy biscuit for you at the first opportunity, I think.
To be fair, taking in DGD to start off with was a short term measure and the alternative would have been placing her with a strange foster family; not something you wanted at the time, and rightly so.
Now the 'system' is in full gear a full and thorough assessment must be done, and I don't think you, or anyone else, would wish it to be any different.
You sound very pessimistic about the references and opinions from ex husbands and old friends - are you worrying unduly about this ? I hope this turns out ok for you. Do try and find any evidence for purchases for DGD in your bank statements, that may be enough to satisfy them, I do hope so.
Anyway, you got through the medical so that's one less thing that needs had to happen. BTW - why on earth did you have to have a mammogram ?
Chin up, best wishes as always.

Savvy_sewing

I dont mean to be pessimistic about the references. No the friends are no problem. Just the talking to Ex husbands I suppose. It just shows my past is complicated. I dont know what they will say, but then we will just have to see.
I think that life has turned me into a worrier. I must get the optimism back! The enthusiastic dynamic, me is in here somewhere? I will just have to dig a little deeper to shake off the layers of negativity that has surrounded me of late.

I do not blame them for digging deep, but I suppose as I am family, i just feel they really are raking up everything. Even my eptopic pregnancy has come up, and that has upset me.

The mammogram was just a normal screening. My grandmother had cancer, my mother had a lump. so its caution. I am getting to the age they start to screen. But I do not have any real worries. Just the stupid what if I missed something, and as my health is iffy, its just worry on top of worry. Sill. If I think logically.
We will be fine, I am sure. Really.

Savvy_sewing

Right, the list of where I have lived, as best as can be recounted, stands at.38 that I can actually get too. So not sure where i have gained/lost one.
The number of schools couldnt be exact, but we just put down those that I can roughly remember being and that was 7. (Went to boarding school)
Number of jobs 15 not counting the part time bar work and a shop job that i did at the same time as running my sewing business (in the quieter months and when my ex was spending all the money!!)But they were all so short lived I cannot quite remember them.

So I have laid my soul bare to the SS now. When they get the medical history too, they will know all they can!

queen_of_string

To be honest, I think social services are used to complicated histories and I doubt yours even counts as complicated in their eyes!

gizmo111

Don't worry about the fostering assessment, if the panel do not approve you as I've said before there are other orders that can be made to ensure you keep her. We'll sort that if we need to after the panel.
It doesn't really matter what the x's say what we are looking for is evidence or allegations of abuse - and it must be something that can be proven not just random rubbish to hurt you.
What access is being changed for twin1?

Savvy_sewing

gizmo111 wrote: »

Don't worry about the fostering assessment, if the panel do not approve you as I've said before there are other orders that can be made to ensure you keep her. We'll sort that if we need to after the panel.
It doesn't really matter what the x's say what we are looking for is evidence or allegations of abuse - and it must be something that can be proven not just random rubbish to hurt you.
What access is being changed for twin1?

The SW has said that if Twin1 stops over as she does now, it will be deemed as Shared care, and then I will not be granted Fostering status, or the allowance. But we are going to look for Mum having access twice a week still. She is saying that the other team should be doing some "evidence" gathering, and therefore supervised access so that they can prove thier case as to why they are keeping Mum and child apart.
She on the otherhand is looking at it from my point of view, and at my costs and my inconveniences, as to having to collect Mum, and have her here, and possibly the undermining of my rules etc.
I do so all the points, and i suppose deep down I am glad that the amount of things are done to allow fostering.
I am just surprised that they need to know way back to when I was born.
adult hood etc I can understand. But since birth was a tough cookie. The schools etc difficult, but the relationships etc, a bit deep to go through, etc. My health I understand, but of course I am managing, DGD is fine, Health visitor was happy with her, Nursery say shes already part of the Family, so I think that we have done the best that we ca do.

Thanks Gizmo, you really have helped me. Stopped my fear, and guided me well. I really appreciate it.

Now its late and its time for me to go to bed. Night all.

gizmo111

The social worker ( and I realise they change at an alarming rate) for DGD should have had sufficeient evidence before she was removed and placed. I struggleto understand their thinking and theat they haven't started legal proceedings as it is now mum has all Parental Responsibility and can remove child, refuse to let her go to nursery etc - I hope she doesn't but all the arrangements are on a voluntary basis. She can refuse to reduce contact , although obviously she cannot make you have her to stay. If they haven't already they will ask for CRB checks on all adults who come into contact with DGD including BF - don't be alarmed it is normal.
I have reservations that your health will allow you to get through the panel but there are other options that will still allow you to be paid and keep DGD.

The assessment you are having is not as in depth as a mainstream foster carer and don't even think about what prospective adopters have to go through. I hope seeing how throrough it is will put your mind at rest that the boys are in a safe place.

All the information will be put into a report known as a Form F and you will be allowed to read it and agree that it is accurate before it is put in front of the panel. Your history is to build up a picture of you, I personally never bother with addresses over 5 years old unless there has been a violent past marriage or something similar. Same as schools, jobs etc - I want to know how the carer became the person they are if that makes sense rather than getting anal about dates, but I guess I have been doing it for so long now my assessment skills are instinctive as well as based on small facts.

Take Care and let me know if you need any other help.