A new start for Mooloo

Savvy_sewing

gizmo111 wrote: »

The social workers involved are for the children and carer not the twins who don;t have their children at present. They will not help financially in an emergency without the children living there.
You're left with the choice of lending her small amount of money or leaving her with no electric - this seems to be genuinely not her fault, so if you could find a little cash then maybe it would be Ok to lend her it this time - if she doesn't pay back then make it the last time.

sorry gizmo, realise your a social worker.
I know that those involved are the childrens. But I have asked and asked until I am blue in the face for Adult Social Workers for them. But there seems to be nothing happening.
Today I asked the principle one, as I thought that perhaps he would chase up why the assessments are not happening. He also needs to know how much running around I am still ending up doing for the family, as it does affect the financial status I am in, with caring for DGD. I am trying to put a distance between the twins and myself. But today still 7 hours I have been on and off the phone all to do with them. My relaxing day at home, pottering has done nothing but brought me more anguish.

I have electronically transferred twin1 the money to get her electric and I am not happy about that one bit. It also means that we will have to go without the extra's like Squash, fresh milk and more bread. Something has to give, and that means that I have had to deprive DGD of snacks and now the basic day to day is going to be affected.
Tomorrow we will have some funds in. But I also have bills to pay!.
We are not getting masses of money and next week I still have the nursery fees, as the Principle Social Worker (who I was talking to today, has still done nothing about the funding suggested for nursery- and today he has said, oh have a word with XXX when she comes next week!. So yet again its passed on to pillar and post.
Two weeks ago I asked him to call me. He never did. I had to call him.

Basically The system is a pain. Why cannot somebody get the support they need. Why do they make me near suicidal, and still just say Oh Dear. You are still caring for them aren't you. Oh dear, what a shame. Call this number.....

Without fail I never get a helpful reply.
I have had more useful information from you then I have any of our workers. They do not know thier ***** from their elbows. Or if they do, they run out of information by the time it gets to me.

Savvy_sewing

Well the day is nearly over and I do not feel refreshed, or as if i have acheived anything. Except cave in and pay out!.
Juggled funds.
Going to dig out the breadmaker and see if we can make a decent enough loaf out of that one. Luckily we do have UHT milk in.
We will cope until tomorrow.
I will do my essential shop stuff in the morning after I have dropped of DGD at Nursery. Least I have a week to get the next payment together.
Then after that I will have the month to save it up. I shall put the weekly amount and a little bit more into the new account, so that the money will be there at the end of July for the fees for August.

DGD has eaten the apples and 3 bananas today! hope she doesnt get too much trouble with the loo!.

I am trying to be calm. Am going to finish cooking DGD tea. Sausage and potato wedges, with beans. Then after tea we will do her bath. when she is inbed I will be able to turn my attention to doing something I want to do as aponsed to anyone else.

The college have phoned about DS going back to college. I tried to ring him but he is not answering the phone to me. Wonder who has his phone this time, or where he has left it.>
Anyway. The phone calls will stop now. There is nobody to return calls too me now. The girls hopefully will have the electric etc that is needed, and so wont be bothering me again now. (Today anyway).

At least I managed to stay at the cottage, and not drive off. Saving me fuel at least. 13.3p a mile is 13.3p a mile after all!.
Tomorrow there will be some funds in the bank, and I will just have to budget a bit better for a few weeks. (I am presuming I will not get the money back again, as the rest of the money leant very rarely did come back.)

Thanks for keeping me afloat people. Lets hope that I do manage to get an Adult Support worker for me in the future. Who knows.

gizmo111

Mooloo wrote: »

sorry gizmo, realise your a social worker.
I know that those involved are the childrens. But I have asked and asked until I am blue in the face for Adult Social Workers for them. But there seems to be nothing happening.
Today I asked the principle one, as I thought that perhaps he would chase up why the assessments are not happening. He also needs to know how much running around I am still ending up doing for the family, as it does affect the financial status I am in, with caring for DGD. I am trying to put a distance between the twins and myself. But today still 7 hours I have been on and off the phone all to do with them. My relaxing day at home, pottering has done nothing but brought me more anguish.

I have electronically transferred twin1 the money to get her electric and I am not happy about that one bit. It also means that we will have to go without the extra's like Squash, fresh milk and more bread. Something has to give, and that means that I have had to deprive DGD of snacks and now the basic day to day is going to be affected.
Tomorrow we will have some funds in. But I also have bills to pay!.
We are not getting masses of money and next week I still have the nursery fees, as the Principle Social Worker (who I was talking to today, has still done nothing about the funding suggested for nursery- and today he has said, oh have a word with XXX when she comes next week!. So yet again its passed on to pillar and post.
Two weeks ago I asked him to call me. He never did. I had to call him.

Basically The system is a pain. Why cannot somebody get the support they need. Why do they make me near suicidal, and still just say Oh Dear. You are still caring for them aren't you. Oh dear, what a shame. Call this number.....

Without fail I never get a helpful reply.
I have had more useful information from you then I have any of our workers. They do not know thier ***** from their elbows. Or if they do, they run out of information by the time it gets to me.

No need to apologise to me - I'm used to the frustration that people feel from our service.:eek:
I'm really sorry I can't help with the adult care social worker - but I have very limited knowledge of what they offer, all I know is very much like yourself when I have tried to get support in for parents it has been almost a pointless task. The supported housing workers are usually the best bet as they have knowledge of local resources and access to funds outside SS.

I'm seeing this from a distance but I cannot see DGD going home to her mum for a very long time if ever, and sadly that it is the hard facts and reality you will have to face - will you be able to cope with her for the next 16 years? and not just her but all the problems your twin1 may bring to your doorstep whilst she is in your care.

You really need to now think how you are going to manage the whole situation with contact and the twins crisies or money/transport problems and what boundaries you are going to put around it all.

Let me know if I can help.

Take Care

Savvy_sewing

Thanks for those kind words Gizmo. I really appreciate them.
Adult services for the girls has been on my battle for a very long time. The chairpeople at all the meetings keep mentioning it, but it never happens.
The time to re write to the Head of Social Services. But this time, not the childrens one. !

i have been thinking long and hard about whether I can care for DGD for the rest of her life or not. At the moment, I am in the swing/on the fence on that one. part of me thinks Yes, and part No.
I think that my personal relationship is something that could be a stumbling block. When I try to talk to BF about it being more permanant then the questions are turned around and not really answered.
Health wise, I think that as she gets older the Physical lifting is not going to be the problem. Any parent who has children must hope that in the future they grow up without being troublesome!. If not we would never have had them in the first place!.
I am hoping that if I can get the twins help from elsewhere, even if it is someone else who has control of thier money! then the demands from them may be a little less. However that is probably only a pipedream.

We will have to see. I dont want to give up on DGD at the moment. She is a bright and intelligent child, dispite her mother and aunties problems she doesnt seem to have any at the moment. She is already interested in words and numbers. Counts to 10 easily. She has a wide vocabulary, and a good imagination. Dexterity is fine, there are no signs of dyspraxia, or even at the moment, still no developmental signs of spine problems. So I am hopeful she will be free of the problems we have come across in the family. But of course we will see, and nobody knows anything about the father or his side of the family.

Right I am going to coax her into the car. Take her to Nursery. Drop of the busfare for the Court trip and DS's post. Then the rest of the day is hopefully mine.
Afterall even supergran needs a day off!.

clairehi

Mooloo wrote: »

Thanks for those kind words Gizmo. I really appreciate them.
Adult services for the girls has been on my battle for a very long time. The chairpeople at all the meetings keep mentioning it, but it never happens.
The time to re write to the Head of Social Services. But this time, not the childrens one. !

i have been thinking long and hard about whether I can care for DGD for the rest of her life or not. At the moment, I am in the swing/on the fence on that one. part of me thinks Yes, and part No.
I think that my personal relationship is something that could be a stumbling block. When I try to talk to BF about it being more permanant then the questions are turned around and not really answered.
Health wise, I think that as she gets older the Physical lifting is not going to be the problem. Any parent who has children must hope that in the future they grow up without being troublesome!. If not we would never have had them in the first place!.
I am hoping that if I can get the twins help from elsewhere, even if it is someone else who has control of thier money! then the demands from them may be a little less. However that is probably only a pipedream.

We will have to see. I dont want to give up on DGD at the moment. She is a bright and intelligent child, dispite her mother and aunties problems she doesnt seem to have any at the moment. She is already interested in words and numbers. Counts to 10 easily. She has a wide vocabulary, and a good imagination. Dexterity is fine, there are no signs of dyspraxia, or even at the moment, still no developmental signs of spine problems. So I am hopeful she will be free of the problems we have come across in the family. But of course we will see, and nobody knows anything about the father or his side of the family.

Right I am going to coax her into the car. Take her to Nursery. Drop of the busfare for the Court trip and DS's post. Then the rest of the day is hopefully mine.
Afterall even supergran needs a day off!.

Hi Mooloo

Im glad that you seem a bit happier today and hope you manage to get some time to yourself.

DGD sounds like a lovely little girl and a real joy to you (although they are always a handful at that age) but I can understand you are in a real dilemma with long term plans.

I wish you luck finding extra help with the twins. I dont know whether my previous suggestion of advocacy is any good, I think this could take a while to set up but if you can access this help for them then the advocate could hopefully accompany the twins to meetings with social services and other agencues, rather than you having to do it.

The other thing I wondered is if you have contacted your local councillor to make them aware of the situation. They are your elected representative on the council and therefore should be accountable to you for the services you are (not) receiving from Social Services.

A letter of complaint to your councillor about Social Services, copied to the Head of SS, might possibly lead to SS getting a kick up the a** from a high level when their failings are made known to those outside their department. You should be able to get the name and contact info for your local councillor off the internet or by ringing the council.

shaz_mum_of__2

Oh dear mooloo another crisis

with regards to BF "turning the conversation" perhaps its not meant to be a negative thing , maybe he needs you to make the decision thats right for you without his influence. Hope theres less hassle for you today

Shaz

Savvy_sewing

Well I went to the coffee stop, in the village this morning. Unfortunately I broke down in tears, and ended up talking to the vicar/reverands Wife, in a seperate room. I have cried my eyes out on her, poor woman, for about two hours!.
I am still crying. Cant seem to stop.
I just feel that there is nothing left of me to give. That I am finally at the end of my tether.
DGD and I have food in the house, there is now some petrol in the car, and when she comes back from Nursery today, we will be fine.
I am still not sure if I want to collect her mum to come here for her time with DGD, as I am so fed up of feeding/caring/supplying etc etc for the twins.
I need to get this crying out of the way though, so DGD doesnt see granny "sad" as she says.
I will try again to find time/sort out the advocacy for the twins. I am trying so hard to get them Adult Social Workers. To get one for me too.
I do think I need some councilling, but its where to fit it all in.
I know that I have to say "NO" to the family, and as I say it more often I am hoping that they will learn that I mean it, and that I do actually mean it.
That the Bank of Mum is closed.
That my time is no longer theirs at the drop of a hat.
That my storecupboards of food were for DGD and myself, and that from now on, they cannot raid it when they visit.
That there is a God up there who will realise that I have had enough. That he has tested me to the limits, and that its time to find the answers somewhere in this universe to sort out all of these things before Its me that is lost.
Sorry that probably sounds a bit dramatic, but to be honest I feel like I have cracked!.
I want to run for the hills.
I want a weeks holiday in the sun, (well at least we have the sun now, here) and I want to sit by the sea and watch the waves a bit like Shirley Valentine, except I dont want any romance. (Well other then with the BF I currently have). Except I want to stay where the beach is, keep the sunsets and have my stroll along the beach in the evenings.
I dont want to come back from that dream.
I want to be in a world that has solutions not only problems. I dont want my life to be lurching from crisis to crisis. That the family can for once be settled somewhere where we can relax about it.
Why is that such a big ask?
Why do I feel as if I have been abandoned in a minefield?
Cos I do.
No matter how positive I try to be in the mornings. How hopeful I am that the day ahead will be a good one, there is always something that is now just another heavy straw on my back. Silly little things.
There was no special reason why I burst into tears today. I just did. One minute I am sitting saying hello and having tea and cake brought to me, the next I am exploding with the way I feel. I write this thread, not only for the brilliant help and advice that has been offered to me. But a kind of diary of my journey as I go.
I would love to be able to have a happy thread. Where finally I can say that there has been more triumphs then tripups!
I think that those of you who are following me, must think that I am exaggerating, or that it cannot possibly be this way. But I write how my days are. how I feel at that precise moment. I touch type. I dont need to see the keys on the keyboard to type. So it just litterally is flowing from my mind and out of my fingers onto the screen.
So today, you have an emotional mess writing to you. Later you may have the euphoric granny writing, to tell you something my wonderful granddaughter achieved.
I look for hope still. But it fades quite fast? Where I was always an optomist I have become a pessimist, more and more.

I want to shout from the highest roof top. STOP now, I want to Run.!
I am hoping that I shall be seeing Molly this afternoon. Gosh, I need to pull myself together as its already afternoon!.
I better go and wash my face. JPull my self up by my boot straps, and venture on. While there is any hope of my pulling myself together today.
what a silly mess I am.! What a total idiot to fall apart today. My day for enjoying the world. For doing what I want to do. I should be happy today.!

Hobel

I have just read your post Mooloo and I just wanted to send you big hugs.:grouphug:

I don't have any advice for you - others are more qualified than me, but I wanted you to know that I think you are a wondeful person who has been let down by the system.

I don't often post, but I felt you needed to know that we are on your side.

Hazel
xx

clairehi

oh Mooloo! of course you needed to get it all off your chest. dont feel bad about having a good sob, it helps! and maybe it was long overdue? I didn't know that vicar's wives are available in this day and age to provide a shoulder to cry on, thats good to know!

Hope you catch up with Molly later and have a good afternoon with her.

(ps even if you do cry in front of DGD - she will forget about it 5 mins later guaranteed)

jackieglasgow

Mooloo I haven't posted for a while as I wanted to gather my thoughts and think about things. I am sorry to say this, and I know it will be hard to hear, but I think you should consider releasing DGD for long term fostering outwith the family. You cannot go on like this indefinitely, and neither twin is going to manage motherhood. What kind of life would she end up with, if something were to happen to you, or if she did get back to her mother somhehow (I don't see that ever happening either), would she end up caring for her mother? Do you want that for her? I think you really need to consider this as a long term solution for her, to give her the kind of happy stable upbringing you want her to have, and to give you the time and space to be the kind of grandmother you want to be to all 3 children. I wish I could see her life in the future, living with you, but that just doesn't look possible to me, you are being stretched too far. Take care. X