A new start for Mooloo

Savvy_sewing

Errata wrote: »

It seems quite bizarre. Whatever the LHA rate is, it's for a room - not half a room or a share of a room. That's the whole point of Housing Benefit.

I shall take it up at the council with DS, next week. See if we can get an appointment to see someone about his claim and get to the bottom of it.
Take it from there I suppose.

Just logged on becuase I was going to play my Media Player bit and it told me the calander dates were wrong. Some one changed them to 2062!! As soon as that was sorted it signed me into MSN immediately. Hadnt been able to sign in all day. Saw emails about PM's so thought I better take a look.

I shall say good night now. All is quiet in the Mooloo household. until about 6am I suppose. Night all. x:D

Savvy_sewing

As expected it was just before 6am when DGD woke up. I wish I could have persuaded her back to sleep, but these light mornings and the sheep all bleating puts a stop to that.
I have written a little in my diary, but dont want to get into the Sad side of the things that are happening, as I do want to function today in a better form then I did yesterday. I was so low. So I mustnt go there today. Must be positive and make sure that DGD and I enjoy our day instead of both being grotty s0ds.
Just going to check on Molly, see how she is today. See if her green button is on.
DGD is watching the video of Jungle Book .....again.

Savvy_sewing

Well I am not sure where the time has gone, reading too much on MSE I think.
DGD is now playing with her bricks, and chatting away.
I am having yet another cup of tea, and will really have to push myself to do anything.
I did wash up last nights dishes, and the breakfast ones. But thats the sum total of the housework I have bothered to do.
DGD is wearing a wierd combination of clothes as she decided to dress herself, sort of. As we are not due to go anywhere I dont supose it really matters. Mind you I did have to put all the contents of the drawers back in after her choices!.
We are now onto the lion king, but she is not really watching it.

I am feeling terribly isolated at the moment and left out. Knowing that the family are all close by, but I am no longer needed!. (well not today anyway). I am missing my BF, and not liking that I am restricted now, and cannot just up sticks and go off as I have DGD with me now.
I have got to get out of the feeling of being "dumped on". I have got to get back into a happier frame of mind. Especially for DGD now. But how do I do that?
Where do I find the positives?
How am I going to be if things with BF end up trailing off, after all that work to get us back on an even track earlier in the year.
I can understand his retisence about the future with DGD now. Its changed the whole dynamics of the relationship really. I think that I am still trying to come to terms with the idea that I may not be able to return DGD to her Mum, and that I actually do have the care of DGD for the rest of her childhood. Its so scarey.

I am going to try very hard to let the family do thier own thing, and not help anymore. But I also feel a huge sense of loss with falling out with twin2. Then there will be the awkwardness of seeing DS as he is currently stopping at her house.
I am struggling to keep positive with all the problems around the family. I still feel as if I am failing them all after all the effort of the past years to help them all.
Is this a bit more of Empty nest syndrome? Except the nest has new chicks in it, a bit late on in life!.

I better finish my tea, and get moving. Or I will be sitting here crying all day, and thats just not good enough. DGD needs a happy granny not a sad one. she is far too aware of things as it is, and already remembers that granny was "sad" when we were at BF's last weekend. (when Twin2 had really upset me). So I have to be stronger, and look at the smaller picture for us here and not the bigger dynamics of the family. I really do think that living apart from my BF is my biggest problem. I feel alone with in a relationship, I feel unsupported, and pushed aside when things dont go to plan.
I feel that my life has two halves and doesnt have a whole. Its an either or situation, not an all embrasing or encompasing life. its all in bits.

Maybe I try to analyse too much. I just wish that I could see a better future, but I really dont. Unless BF is willing to make big changes in his life, then there is no way things will change for me. DGD is now getting too big for the travel cot, so where will she sleep when I go there? Would he be willing to turn the dining room into a bedroom? Would he be willing to walk hand in hand with me through the new challenges of having DGD or will I be seeing even less of him now.? Is the situation with DGD now one that will put the final nail into the coffin of our relationship? We have gone through so much in the last 6 years. But what of the rest of our future? Its not looking very good to me. I realise that he has his own family commitments, and that his young adults still need help, and a home to come back to, but I do feel rather side lined when I know that he has the week off, and I am here and not there. It tells me a lot. I may be wrong, but it does feel like that to me.

Right I better go.

minimoneysaver

DGD may be too big for her travel cot but we've managed to overcome that problem. I've cut three sides of an end panel and my daughter loves to crawl into her little den to sleep! It's a real treat for her. Doesn't matter space wise, because she still sleeps face down, bum up so only needs a very small space, even though she is now 4 1/2. It solves the problem of a lack of beds and she's happy to. x

Eager_Elephant

Mooloo

You sound like you have got yourself on a downward spiral - you are imaginng all the problems that are coming but they might not actually come.

Today you are worrying about your boyfriend not wanting DGD but yesterday you were worrying about you not being allowed to keep DGD.

You have so much going on and you cannot think straight and you are going round and round in circles.

I believe you have also mentioned before that it might be better if DGD also went into foster care or to Biggest's as it would allow you to be just the grandparent and not the parent and actually have time for yourself. I'm sure over the last 20+ years you have had no time for yourself and now with your illness this is what you need the most.

Please Mooloo think of yourself instead of everyone else. It is difficult to go from sorting everyone out to them not wanting your help but hopefully they will be able to cope without you which will stop pressure on you.

My mum had 6 children at home, she never worked so her life has been spent looking after us children. All but 2 of us have left home and she mother's by sister, 20 and brother, 23 lots (more than she needs to). I think it is because for years we have been her career and now she has nothing to do. It is going to take a long time to adjust for her.

((Mooloo))

EE

Savvy_Sue

This isn't said to worry you, but how long do you think DS will last at his sister's if she's come back all loved up with her wonderful husband to be?

I think I asked before, are there any Foyers in your area, or supported housing schemes for under 25s?

Savvy_sewing

You are right that I am going around in circles.
I am fearing all the things are out of my control. I would be happy if the children/young adults would stand on thier own two feet, and I could try and find a way back into work. I think about working all the time. Its in my bones. However its also that my health is getting in the way of things. So its frustration.
If twin2 does sort things out, and stops calling me and wanting me to do things at the last minute, that would really be good. I could start to plan my days better.I would just rather not having to have fallen out with her, especially when I am getting the blame for not keeping her boys, etc.
I am determind to find DGD some Playgroup sessions, and register her for nursery.
I would really like twin1 to be able to work to have DGD back, but after the last meeting there are now doubts that they will even consider trying. Again its frustrating.
I suppose I am also fed up of having a BF, and still living apart after all this time. The dream of having a home together just seems that, an impossible dream now.
I think I am feeling a bit too sorry for myself at the moment. Signs of the depression hitting in.
I shall go and talk to the doctors again. I will try and find time to contact the counsiling people in the big town, and get Twin1 on board to look after DGD while I go. If I can get DGD into playgroups/nursery then it will open up oportunites for me to do things again.
(health allowing.)
BF has now just suggested that we could go down, this evening, or tomorrow. (its taken him 2 hours to answer my text, so he is still busy with his decorating. ). So thats something to look forward too now.
I have mended the broken side to the travel cot, and that will have to do for a few nights. I cannot cut the end out of ours as its the fabric that keeps the cot together. But I will take a good look at it, and see what we can do to adapt it. Unfortunately she lies flat on her back, with her arms above her head a lot, so thats why the cot is getting too small. (Also its the fact that the room we get to set her cot up in, has things that belong to BF's family and not for DGD to touch. Which she will if she gets out of the cot.)

right she has just gone up for a sleep. So when she has settled (if she does), then I can do some things around the house, that get put off when she is around.

I will get out of this doledrums. Its just going to take a bit of time, and mental effort.!!

Savvy_sewing

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

This isn't said to worry you, but how long do you think DS will last at his sister's if she's come back all loved up with her wonderful husband to be?

I think I asked before, are there any Foyers in your area, or supported housing schemes for under 25s?

There are some supported housing schemes, that is where twin1 has just been placed.
I am hoping that DS will just come home. We are on the waiting list for a house with 3 bedrooms, so that he can have a room of his own again. I have also talked to him about changing the set up of the cottage so that he can have one of the downstairs rooms. It does mean that we would still need to walk through it to go upstairs, but thats not whats bothering him, its the location, as he is tied to relying on me to get him from Ato B, especially now his moped has "disappeared"..
he said he would come home when/if we get to move to somewhere either nearer to the rest of them, or thats on a bus route.
I am hoping that we could get one of the villages off of the main route to Northamptons, as there is a blacksmith in one of them that was willing to let DS shadow him on a saturday, as long as we paid for the coke and signed an agreement that its at DS;s own risk, as he doesnt have public Liability insurance, or cannot afford it.
That really would make a difference to DS's life, and I really am hoping that we can do that with him, sooner rather then later.

gizmo111

Mooloo don't worry about failing the fostering assessment - if you do on health grounds then there are other options we can explore if you still want to care for DGD full time - one of them will allow you to keep her.

Twin2 is just lashing out and balming you, take no notice at the end of the day they are her children and she needs to engage with services and make them her priority, maybe the new boyfreind will encourage this?

DS and the rent dilemna - Get him to contact HB and find out why he hasn't been paid. Get his belongings back with a police escort if necassary. If for any reason HB will not pay the arrears then until he gets a job and earns a decent wage there is no way he can pay more than a token £1 per month, even if she takes him to court.

Savvy_sewing

gizmo111 wrote: »

Mooloo don't worry about failing the fostering assessment - if you do on health grounds then there are other options we can explore if you still want to care for DGD full time - one of them will allow you to keep her.

Twin2 is just lashing out and balming you, take no notice at the end of the day they are her children and she needs to engage with serviced and make them her priority, maybe the new boyfreind will encourage this?

DS and the rent dilemna - Get him to contact HB and find out why he hasn't been paid. Get his belongings back with a police escort if necassary. If for any reason HB will not pay the arrears then until he gets a job and earns a decent wage there is no way he can pay more than a token £1 per month, even if she takes him to court.

Thanks Gizmo. I really appreciate that.
I think that I probably would be lost if DGD was not able to stay with the family. The original option of Biggest of Mooloo having her was my preference, however as that has not currently been possible, I now do feel that I could not let her go to "outsiders". She has lived with me, one way or another for 2 out of her 2 1/2 years.
Its hard enough to see the boys go off after our visit to complete strangers, not even knowing who they are, where they are, and not being allowed access except at SS say so. But I also know that I could not have taken them on as well, and that its better that someone who is trained and presumably has the space for them, cares for them. But it doesnt stop it hurting.

I will call the Housing team in Oxford and ask them to explain whats going on.
I will call the local police there, when I go to see BF, and ask for them to advise me as to what we are able to do.
I will have to arrange to come back for DS if he is to go and get his stuff, as he is helping out at the Family Fun Day at the Racecourse today.

I think that I will text BF and check that its still OK to go down to his this evening. I think I need company while I feel this low.