A new start for Mooloo

Savvy_sewing

Morning,
My thoughts are away with Molly today,who has to go itno hospital for some tests for a few days. I shall miss our Pm's and daily catching ups.

My BF and I still havent managed to talk yet. Its always text messaging. The moment to phone each other just seems to be too difficult. I am not sure the last time that he rang me. Oh yes the day he dumped me last time! Oops.

I think that we really are still on the rocky boat. He wants to know why I think we are so different. I really couldnt put that into words in a text. not sure I can put it in words on paper either. I have said I will try to talk to him tomorrow but its how do you difine the differences and really are they so important.? If we were all the same it would be a sad world.

I am not sure what we have instore this weekend, DGD is due to go to Biggest of Mooloo tomorrow, But I am not sure if I have to be back for her on Sunday or Monday now.
Her Mum is going to stop with her friend for the weekend. Decided that her sisters is not such a good idea after last weekend. (unless it changes again!).
So I will be driving into town at some stage today to drop her off.
I am hoping that I might manage to get my arm up high enough today to do the roots on my hair! Try to make me feel less drained and yuk when I look in the mirror! ha ha.
DGD is playing with her toys and mum is sorting through her clothes for me. She has grown so much since she came, I forget its nearly 6 months!!

I havve to say that the difference in Twin1 is good to see. I hope that she can keep it up. The improvements will help her later I hope.
She is talkikng about learning, doing college work, if she can and trying to get herself back on track.
I know that we cannot expect miracles, but at least she is being positive at the moment.
Right I better get myself moving and see if I can do my hair.

[Deleted User]

Excuse me for chirping up (and I have a feeling u will have already tried this).., but I was wondering, is there any way u could charge for teaching people sewing skills (even £5 an hour). I know a lot of people would appreciate that kind of thing and believe its a marketable skill. It could bring u in a little extra income. If u kept it one to one, maybe it would avoid pressurising you. Could provide u a little light relief from home life and make u feel better.

Keeping_Motivated

Mooloo is one difference that you wouldn't mind him going away for a few days with his son and grandchild, especially if the family had had such trauma and turmoil lately? And that you would feel privilidged of the offer/choice of going with them?

Savvy_sewing

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

Mooloo is one difference that you wouldn't mind him going away for a few days with his son and grandchild, especially if the family had had such trauma and turmoil lately? And that you would feel privilidged of the offer/choice of going with them?

Exactly!
Well at the moment he doesnt have any grandchildren. So we will wait and see.
I have managed to get my arm up long enough to do my hair roots! So I at least no longer feel like a Zebra with the darker parting. Just need to find time to get a good hair cut now!.:T

Twin1 is hanging out the washing, helping.
There seems to be a small payment £16.35 from the Tax credits already appeared into my bank acount. Thats quick? But I am not sure if that has taken out the Child Tax credits that they had just started to pay me, as the man said that I had to pay back what I had just received! I presume the paperwork will catch me up.!

Re the charging for sewing. The national minimum wage is nearly £6, an hour now. So I would definately not charge anything less.
The lessons I am doing at the moment are for going to be just for my expenses, as I am "rusty". I aim to design some sewing lessons around the things I do, and structure them so that I can teach further, and with the hopes of teaching a few people at a time, on a set number of lessons. But my prices will probably be around £10 an hour per person. That may sound a lot, but I have to have Public Liability insurance, and be registered self employed so I have to be careful. I will need to be sorted properly with childcare etc when I do do it, at the moment, the informal format just suits me.
When i am ill, I can cancel and its not a problem. More formal lessons with a class will be harder to rearrange. We will see.

jamieboy

Mooloo, you and BF are probably not that different from each other in the fact that you would both love to spend long weekends and holidays away together, after all you have both brought up your families and should be able to do so. Unfortunately, life isn't always that simple and through no fault of your own you aren't able to do that, you have struggled so hard to keep your family together and shouldn't be made to feel guilty for doing so, surely you are not asking too much from him to support you along the way. Being negative is only putting added pressure on you and you have enough of that, hopefully one day you will both be able to do the things that the two of you want. Take care x

Savvy_sewing

jamieboy wrote: »

Mooloo, you and BF are probably not that different from each other in the fact that you would both love to spend long weekends and holidays away together, after all you have both brought up your families and should be able to do so. Unfortunately, life isn't always that simple and through no fault of your own you aren't able to do that, you have struggled so hard to keep your family together and shouldn't be made to feel guilty for doing so, surely you are not asking too much from him to support you along the way. Being negative is only putting added pressure on you and you have enough of that, hopefully one day you will both be able to do the things that the two of you want. Take care x

Your probably very right. But all the hassle always seems to be on my side, due to the nature of the problems the girls have had.
I still believe he doesnt see them in the same light. He thinks they are taking the **** and are using me. But I believe that where occasionally that may happen, on the whole they are relying on me to help them. Etc
But DGD she has no choice in this matter, and so its more or a problem to me. I feel I want to be able to walk away at time,s and have those lazy days etc. But I also love her so much, and hate to think of not having her respect etc later in life if I gave her up! It would be hard enough if I was unable to help her and I had no choice, but at the moment having the choice is causing me the dilemma!

BF and I have sent a few texts this afternoon, and things are looking as if he is willing to compromise on helping me to get DGD and her Mum back together, if the system will actually allow. So after we have been together this weekend, perhaps we can actually talk and get a few things sorted out.

Right its early, but I am very sore again. Lifting DGd now her mum is away for the weekend, and I had got out of the habit of doing so much of it over the last two weeks!
time for me to have an early night to be well enough to stay up tomorrow night long enough to share the evening with BF.

Thanks for all the advise, thoughts etc.
If we love each other we will work it out somehow.

SuziQ

Mooloo I did a weekend Haven break last July, and it was really lovely. It only worked out at £110 as they had special offers on their site,which I am sure they will do again this year-it often pays to book last minute like I did (I booked 2 weeks before we went and got quite a discount.)

Savvy_sewing

Years before I met BF, I used to take the kids, often last minute on Haven/British Holidays. We never really had a bad one. I could never afford much, would take all my food in the car with me. Even been known to take my sewing machine, so while the family were off out at thier clubs etc, I enjoyed myself sitting in the van watching Daytime tv (something I had never had time for in those days) creating clothes etc for the family, (as all my sewing used to be for my work.). Ieven made my son a "loud" shirt out of a towel, last minute for the "loud shirt" competition.
Although I very rarely went off sight, I didnt really mingle. In the evenings I didnt mind occasionally going into the club with the girls, as teenagers then enjoyed the entertainment, and I would just have a quiet drink, watching all their stuff etc, and being in one place so they all knew where to come to find me.

But BF doesnt like the idea of an English camping holiday. He also wants the sun on is back, somewhere different to relax. (Probablywhy I thought of a Mon-Fri holiday, while he is at work.) I dont usually see him then anyway, and then he would not have to give up any of his precious days off.

We will see. Maybe its about time I learnt to explain myself to him better, and to atually say, that I think he is being unreasonable, and that my reasons are.
I suppose there has been times when I have tried to give my "reasons" and he has always said that they were "excuses". So I was fighting a loosing battle. So I gave up trying to argue my point.

I hate arguing. I hate disagreeing, and It upsets me that much that i get a real tight pain in my chest, even at the thought of it!.

Anyway today I am taking DGD to stop with Biggest of mooloo's and she is going to arrange for Twin1 to still see DGD over the weekend.
I get to see DS today.! He rang me last night, and although its probably only becuase he wants his bikes paperwork, at least I will clap eyes on him. He is going to come back with me on Monday, and stop around here (probably not at mine), fr a week.
Time I get us both moving and our bags packed.

SingleSue

I've finally done it! Read all 105 pages over the last few weeks or so....phew.

Mooloo, I thought my life was the only one which lurched from one crisis to another, one stress out to another but yours is something else!

I have no idea how you have held yourself together, how you have managed to keep going especially bearing in mind you are not in the best of health yourself, it really is amazing.

Tempered with that though is fear, my two younger ones have ASD and their personal care skills are pretty carp (they have to be reminded to change clothes, wash, eat healthily etc) despite constant lists, explanations, work etc over the years and it has made me think maybe more realistically for their future..in my blind optimism (unusually for me, I am usually a realist but it is the only thing that keeps me going), I had been sort of hoping that it would all click for them somehow when they were old enough to leave home.

Savvy_sewing

SingleSue wrote: »

I've finally done it! Read all 105 pages over the last few weeks or so....phew.

Mooloo, I thought my life was the only one which lurched from one crisis to another, one stress out to another but yours is something else!

I have no idea how you have held yourself together, how you have managed to keep going especially bearing in mind you are not in the best of health yourself, it really is amazing.

Tempered with that though is fear, my two younger ones have ASD and their personal care skills are pretty carp (they have to be reminded to change clothes, wash, eat healthily etc) despite constant lists, explanations, work etc over the years and it has made me think maybe more realistically for their future..in my blind optimism (unusually for me, I am usually a realist but it is the only thing that keeps me going), I had been sort of hoping that it would all click for them somehow when they were old enough to leave home.

Hello Sue,
I am sorry I was not arround this weekend to comment. But I am here no.
I sort of recharged my batteries with my BF. Even thought we still have our moments of agro! unfortunately its usually me being in the defence mode. Something that I have built up to save me with all of the disappointments and problems as we travel through life.
Please never give up. I know that it is tempting. But the little rewards make it up!.
Being a realist is one thing, but as a human being, we need our Optimism and our belief in the "happy ever after" to get us through the tough times.
I do not know how old your sons are, but I still believe that there is learning scope within us all.
I still believe that oneday the twins may click, and that it will all become water under the bridge for them. Alas its still a dream. But witouth those dreams the darker moments would take over.

We as Mothers have to be strong. Even though at times we want to walk away, it really does have to be the last straw. The final decision for survival.
Well that is the way that i feel.
I will not pretend that anything has been simple, as it has not. But then again, its is all that I have known for the last 20+years. It sort of creeps up on you. You deal with one problem. Then you deal with the next problem.
If at first you don't succeed then, you do as you say, and you try and try again.
Thats where I keep going. Back to my hope, dreams and wishes.
But I also like you realise, its not a simple route we walk.
I cannot tell you how it will be, as every child is different, but if you ever need to blow off steam, then come and join us here, or if you want a private chat give me a PM. I will answer you when I can.

Meanwhile, good luck, soldier on, and try not to give up hope. Love Moolooxx