A new start for Mooloo

Hardup_Hester

Hi Mooloo
I'm serious about offering you a weekend away, especially if you want to explore, I near part of the Thames Path, plenty of walks & plenty of exploring to do, but I don't have wifi, so we'd have to share the pc. My spare room is made up all the time ready for visitors.
Hugs Hester

SuziQ

Please take Hester up on her offer,Mooloo. Noone offers these things unless they are genuine. It would be a safe haven and a kind ear for you. I have serious misgivings about biggest taking on DGD as all you are really doing is training her up to take over from you-and as I have said already,how many more grandchildren can you take on like this,given the girls' fertility and age? I personally would have told SS about the visit to oxford,as if anything had happened you would have never forgiven yourself-plus the fact she got away with it, and nothing bad happened, reinforces in her immature brain that she was right and it was a safe thing to do. I just wish you could get a break-I really cannot believe what you have had to put up with. As for your ex BF- I understand that you are hurt,and there must have been times when all of this was so difficult for him (you couldn't put him first-but then,I saw no sign of him putting you above his children at any time,either!) you deserve better than someone throwing a hissy jelaous fit at a time when that person knows how physically and emotionally down you already are. Talk about kick someone when they are down-if nothing else,his timing absolutely stinks!

Skint_Lynne

Just caught up with the thread. Mooloo, my very best wishes to you as always. The best thing to do with regard to you and BF is to give yourself a few days to decide what to do next, and then, you do what you feel is best. Everyone can give advice, but at the end of the day, you make your own decision.

He is out of order to even suggest that the sewing lessons were less than appropriate, after all, as you say you wouldn't advertise it on a public forum if it was a dirty secret.

I would maybe take Hester up on her offer if you can, a change is as good as a rest. Keep your chin up and take care. xx

Savvy_sewing

Morning everyone,
I really did get to the feeling of tilt last night. Dispite a soak in the bath for about an hour,! I then went to bed by 9pm! I managed to sleep quite well, and actually didnt wake up until 5ish this morning. Although i do remember quite a few weird dreams!.
I still feel jaded and steamrollered. Unfortunately DGD does not stop talking, and demanding so I do not have the time to wallow in my predicament!. I need to, as someone said, its a bit like being in mourning! Well I am not sure what I am pining for? The relationship I had, or the realationship I wanted it to have been. I think the latter, really.
I need a break, but that is easier said then done. However I will be aiming for taking one as soon as I can, and will be looking at the budget with a mircroscope to see what I can weedle away. If I have something to aim for, then it will be better. When I had the timeshare in Portugal, I used to scrimp and put away any little money made from sewing etc, and then when things were dark, I would remember that in the October I could go to my little haven. Alas last year I had to send the deeds back to it. But I would like to go back oneday again, at least to the area. So perhaps I will look for a short break here, as soon as possible, and then save up for a proper holiday later in the year.
But that of course means making a new budget, and upping my income!.Which trying to focus on, while everything else is going on, is not going to be easy.!

Of course, ExBF was not all bad, I would not have carried on with the relationship for nearly 6 years if he had been.
Its just that we are seeing things in two different lights I suppose.
I cannot remember who said what to me, but he always maintained that Family must come first. He has been a brilliant father to his kids, bringing them up on his own. He has little time to come here, becuase he is doing all the domestic chores when he gets home. He has taken me away on short breaks.
Its just that he doesnt see where I am coming from at times, as I am an open person and he is a private person. I like to socialise, but he doesnt. This brings in the problems. Then as I have said it sort of causes problems.
The traits I have pointed out, I do still feel are there, but normally I can cope with them. Its just that I am on overload at the moment, and I need what he cannot obviously give.
I wanted a more permanant relationship, and he cannot see it working so won't.
My family are rather unusual and demanding.

But thats a problem isnt it. We cannot see eye to eye, and for anything to change we would have to have a huge dynamics shift. I believe that that is too late, but obviously I would have liked it to work.
I do not see things as Domestic Abuse, or anything as bad as that. I just know that we would have power struggles etc. becuase I have always had to be the decision maker in my family. (Even when married). I usually am a strong and determind person, or I would not have been able to fight for the childrens corners as I have done.
But yes, I have had far too much to deal with, and he has admitted that, and at the moment he cannot supply what I need.
I seem to have had the lions share of problems with my family. Lets hope it stops others from having to go through all the things that I have in my life.
I suppose it would make a good book, except that nobody would believe me!. Actually no, dont go there!

The best course of action, is to try not to think about it all, deal with the things that I have to deal with on a day to day basis, and time will tell as to whether he would or wouldnt want to make up. Then and only then, do we know if we could work it out or not.
The things I have said have all happened, its not fiction, but everything i write are obviously from my point of view. The way I feel about things, the way I interpret things.
I cannot speak for his side of things. I do know that he is upset that he has come across as a Demon! he doesnt feel that that is fair, and for that I do appologies to him. Obviously the things that I feel are overpowering/etc in the relationship, I may not have managed to actually get through to him before.
But I will not defend him anymore than this at the moment.
I didnt mean to get into any character assassination etc on here,
I am just in shock about things, I am heartbroken and I just have always written this as I am.

grandma247

Mooloo wrote: »

The best course of action, is to try not to think about it all, deal with the things that I have to deal with on a day to day basis.

That is all anyone could be expected to deal with in such a difficult situation.
I hope you have a better day today.

Jo4

Gee Mooloo I hope things work out better for you and you get more time to yourself. I haven't had a chance to get up to date with your thread because my Dad was admitted to hospital again on Thursday 11th March and was rushed to another hospital about 2 1/2 hours away on Sunday 14th March. Although I decided today that since it was my birthday I would take a few minutes to take a quick look at this site before I go to the hospital again.

Take care of yourself.

minimoneysaver

Mooloo, your posting from this morning reads as though your ex wrote it. I remember reading in one of your previous posts that he comes on here, but you must remember when the chocolate tea pot comments etc were made by other posters, were said for a reason. You did spend a lot of time away at the weekends and there was little mention of him supporting you emotionally or finanacially. Everything happens for a reason.

Savvy_sewing

:bdaycake:Oh Jo, belatedly Happy birthday.
I am sorry to here about your Dad, I will add him to my prayers.


Re the post coming across as My Ex, that was me. Trying to see things from another point of view. Until we actually talk I have only had a few email responses yesterday.

I will reserve judgement on things at the moment.,

I have had a visit from Molly, thanks Molly, and we went to the village coffee stop, with DGD. There was a bit too much going on, both of us were a bit fuzy with things today!.
When DGD was asleep after, we had a good chat.
That helped me to start to prioritise, although I still had calls from all the girls while she was here.

Biggest of Mooloo saw the Social Worker today, and started the filling in of the CRB forms. She also went to the CAB about her rights, etc and has been advised of what she can and cannot get.
Apparantly she cannot get Working Tax Credits until she is 25!
No wonder there are youngsters out there living on benefits!

She rang her Dad, and managed to get him to say that he will help with Twin1's move, at the beginning of next week, if she gets the churches house. He will move a few boxes for her each day after his work, if she has them ready.

One of Twin1's oldest friends from School has said that she will take a hand in helping Twin1 (and even twin2), if they move back to Towcester, and if the girls help her with petrol (she is on benefits herself) then she will help take them out and about.

We still have issues over the facebook stuff, and really need to decide whether the damage is done now, and let it go, or to persue it with the police, as the girl was warned off, and has continued to post, and has also continued to harass twin2 in her home. I give up.

while writing this I had twin2 on the phone complaining that she couldnt get hold of twin1. Twin 1 is here cooking DGD's tea.! Told her she would get a call when DGD is sorted out and in bed!. Also told her again to stop calling me over stupid things.f I really am worn to a frazzle.


Its been a long and emotional Day still, firstly talking about my feelings and then collecting Twin1, speaking with her friend, and then visited Biggest of Mooloo with twin1 and DGD. Her BF was home. Unfortunately being emotionally at the end of my box I moaned about this all to her, and I got short sharpe shrft from her, saying everyone has problems etc and that she was fed up of hearing from me, as I had done nothing but complain since the weekend!! Great.

Well I am sorry if I am a moaning mini, I really didnt mean to be. I am just asking the family to help, to realise that I cannot take anymore. I should have just kept it all to myself.

Errata

We still have issues over the facebook stuff, and really need to decide whether the damage is done now, and let it go, or to persue it with the police, as the girl was warned off, and has continued to post, and has also continued to harass twin2 in her home. I give up

Both the twins have a degree of learning difficulty. In the light of recent cases of vulnerable people like them being harrassed, with tragic consequences, it may be that the police will take the harrassment very seriously and so they should.

Keeping_Motivated

Mooloo

Biggest of Mooloo was probably short with you as she is feeling the pressure of her decision to take on a child forever that is not hers and she is not even 25 yet and does not have a suitable home or a suitable job/money to take on this task easily, plus she is in a relationship so has him to consider too as its an awful lot to ask of him when they don't even have their own children. I am sure that, even though she has agreed to do it, it is overwhelming practically and emotionally.

As for BF I can understand him being upset that we are discussing him on here, I know I wouldn't like it but this is your choice to have this diary and he has to respect that you write about your life and he is/was included in that life.

As for his behaviour, its your choice whether to accept it or not, but I personally could not cope with being on holiday and JUST for speak ing to a man have my holiday ruined, thats not normal acceptable behaviour in my eyes. I can see you are now feeling bad for ranting about him on here but you were angry and hurt and he played a part in that. But you also need to take on responsibility because you allowed him to make you paranoid about upsetting him re talking to men or having friends etc so therefore he thought his behaviour was acceptable IYSWIM.