A new start for Mooloo

Elspeth

As usual I'll just echo everyone else Mooloo. I do not see how you can commit, even short-term, to a plan that demands you make daily visits.

From your comments on here there are days that that would be impossible (or dangerous) given your medical conditions. And once "daily visits" from you are part of a care plan, it will be that much more difficult to get any help if you grind yourself into the ground trying to keep everyone's head above water.

Well done though for ascertaining precisely what they consider 'support' from you to mean as it at least allows you to consider it properly.

But DO NOT for one minute begin to think that this is a normal expectation of a grandmother. It would be practically a full-time job, since you would inevitably not just be able to pop in, agree that all was 100% perfect and then leave. Unpaid to boot (and based on past experience, can you believe social services if it is suggested that some money to support this plan could be found?)

If you have a wobble, I'd advise you to think carefully about whether if this was not family (and therefore overlaid with all manner of emotion) you would take this on.

You have many admirers on her who are rooting for you.

Elspeth

granmadelighted

hi mooloo sorry things are still not sorted out, as the others have said before me stick to your guns and insist on expenses before you do anything tna will cost you money, the social workers are getting good wages for doing{rather,not doing properly} their job.

hugs and prayers from granmadelighted.:)

Errata

It's a very difficult situation. Perhaps Mooloo needs to remind SS that she couldn't keep the twins and their babies organised and on the 'straight and narrow' when they were all living with her. I can't imagine how SS think she can work miracles with a daily visit to their homes.
Best of luck Mooloo - just say no, because it will be a big NO on the days you're not well enough to do round trips, and will SS cover for you on those days ? Probably not.

rolo-polo1965

OMG i can not believe what Social Services are aking Moloo to do.

This is rediculus, Moloo you need to do what ever you feel is right but i think we all think that you should say No to daily visits!

We are all behind you!

Take care!

rolo-polo

Savvy_Sue

Elspeth wrote: »

But DO NOT for one minute begin to think that this is a normal expectation of a grandmother.

I'd say that it's so far from a normal expectation of a grandmother that most families would consider it extreme meddling and interference!

SuziQ

Mooloo,this is going to come across as incredibly harsh,but your only way forward at the moment is to step right back from the situation.


I worked with Social services (or opposite them I should say) for over 20 years,and in my expereince they will take every little inch you give them,then some. Many times in my professional life,when being coerced into doing something over and above my professional remit, I had to simply say no, not doing that,and walk away. Amazingly,every time,they then somehow pulled a rabbit out of the hat and produced whatever it was that had been impossible 10 minutes before. They have finite resources and will try to steal from anywhere else-whether that be family,health,the council-just so that they protect their own resources. Your willingness (and I totally understand why-you are a marvelous,giving and loving mother and grandma- to step up to the plate every single time,has simply led to the SS taking you for granted,and taking advantage. When I was Health Visiting,we had a strict rule: if someone needed daily visits,they were not safe to be left alone at all: what happens in the rest of that 24hrs? We would therefore state: you want daily visits,then THAT IS DOWN TO YOU,YOUR PEROGATIVE,YOUR RISK IF IT ALL GOES WRONG. You are walking into a trap,as when not if things go wrong here,you will have been seen to be in a supervisory role,without any training apart from being a mother. The very fact you are the twins mother in many ways excludes you from the distance and lack of bias that any mother has for a child,and that is very dangerous.

Social services need to be told to step up now and DO THEIR JOBS!

I am sorry if that means they threaten care for the babies:however maybe that is the best short term option,and that would quickly bring SS around to the option of getting the babies back with family,but with the proper level of support which has been sadly lacking up to this point. Unfortunately you have to be practical: your twin girls are going to be fertile for many years yet,and the current situation may be the tip of the iceberg-in a couple of years you may even be trying to supervise/care for 5 or 6 children!


ETS With the current climate regarding the abysmal state of many social services departments around the country,I would be tempted to get my MP involved. It doesn't mean publicity-most SS would much prefer NOT to have an MP shining a very bright light into their care provision at a time when so many cases have been in the press and SS directors have had to hold their hands up in shame and admit they had failed the children in their care.

Social services have a duty of care to your DD's and their children,and that does not mean delegating that Duty of care to a grandmother who is clearly unwell and who has no great financial resources either. They are the ones with the training and the right to take action,not you.

Savvy_sewing

lolababy wrote: »

Hi Mooloo your daughter could have her before the order goes through. Of course that depends if she is ready and willing.

I think that she is trying to work out the logistics, and get DGD into nursery, and sort out her job. They unfortunately are not going to let her reduce her hours, and she still needs to work. But she is keen on getting somewhere to live sorted out as well.
I dont mind having the shared system we have adopted at the moment.
I have claimed for the benefits. So I am waiting a result there.
DGD has just gone to her now, until tomorrow morning to give me a break.
:T

Savvy_sewing

I have said that I am unwell, and that I am not able to do daily visits.
I wrote to the MP several weeks ago, at the end of January, I got an acknowledgement, but have not heard anything.
Infact I did not get a reply from my letter to Social Services about Kinship funding, and I didnt get a reply from the director of Childrens Services that I sent a copy of the letter too.
I just have not had time to chase it up.

I am now sitting on myown, about to have a "bung in" dinner, and do NOTHING for the rest of the evening. I plan an early night, and resting my self.
In the morning, I will have to do the housework, as the place has well and truely been ramsacked by the children all being here.

Its peaceful now. Just me. Feels strange though. Pity its raining, as the sun on the hill with the sheep would have been nice to gaze at.

I have had a few requests about where I got the pattern for my cravats, so I have said I will trace it off, and send it to who ever. So I may have to do that tomorrow.
Pity they are not asking me to make them some! Ah well.
I have plenty of magazines to catch up on, that were kindly donated to me a few weeks ago. Looking forward to some chocolates as well. My Parents brought me some when they were in Milton Keynes yesterday.
My dad has been brilliant. He took Twin2 and her 2 boys back to the hostel this morning for me, and that left me free to have a cup of tea with mum, and a natter, then I took the BF to the bus stop, and put him on a bus to oxford to his mates for the weekend. (my Dad gave me the money to pay for the bus fare). As they didnt want me driving to Oxford and back today.
I dropped DGD at theirs, this afternoon, and he took her to Biggest of Mooloo's when they were ready for her, as he had the other car seat. He is going to bring her back to me in the morning as well.
He is worried that he will not be around to help me next week, as they are going away, but I am hoping that I can slow down next week. I will have to hope that Twin2 will adjust after her shock, all though I know it will be hard for her. Her son is a menace to say the least!. The baby is not too bad, but he did cry most of the evening. So that is unfortunate when she is trying to get her other son to sleep!

I promise you all, that I am going to back off, and let the professionals work their magic. I do fear we may have the problem of future care arrangements. But until they do or dont. I cannot worry anymore. I just cannot do it.

I have told everyone involved that I cannot do anymore.

Errata

Bless you, you must be completely exhausted with stress let alone all the looking after and ferrying around that you do.
Can I just say that I've noticed for quite a while now how many times you have to go to bed in the early or mid evening ? That's not normal for a woman of your age and it demonstrates that you're not fit enough to do what you have been doing, so something has to change for you to have anything resembling a life. Best wishes, as always.

SuziQ

Mooloo I didn't write to me MP,I went to his surgery where hs secretary took minutes and then went away and looked into the issues (we went firstly ion the catchment area on our neighbourhood school acro9ss the road being moved to 2 miles away to exclude my children,and on an ongoing issue with CTC trying to demand 3 grand back from me.) He was fantastic-the school immediately dropped all plans and although the CTC issue isn't yet sorted,he made them put in writing to me that they would stop demanding the money back every five minutes and threatening me with court action,whilst it is being investigated.


I gasp sometimes when I read what you are having to do-all at the expense of your own health and any sort of social life. God bless you for all you do.