A new start for Mooloo

tired_mum

Mooloo i know this sounds silly but what about a house swap for you and biggest of mooloo ? have just re read todays post and it seems like a simple solution if you could get a new lease on the flat of biggest of mooloo may also be less upheavel for DGD
just a thought
Thinking of you all and fingers crossed for DD1 that she finds soewhere nice to live and gets the help she needs

Little_Miss_Winner

Just wanted to offer more hugs mooloo, your'e in my thoughts xxx

queen_of_string

Tired Mum beat me to my suggestion! In the fantasy world that is the inside of my head, that solution allowed you to visit and garden whilst being granny too :-).

I am glad you have an answer now and sad for you that it is not the one you might have wanted.

Savvy_Sue

I wonder if it would be a good idea if we took the child's name out of any posts which use it? You'll see an Edit button at the bottom right of each of your own posts.

And also I was pleased to see the suggestion that Biggest wouldn't give up work but was looking into childcare options - I know in an ideal world that might not be first choice, but we're not in that ideal world, and giving up work right now - certainly before all the assessments are finished - could cause more problems than it solves.

I'm going to say a little in defence of Mooloo's son, btw. I agree that today wasn't the day to ask about having his stereo dropped off, and I'm glad Mooloo's saying she'll take it when she goes to her b/f rather than dropping everything to do it NOW. And I know he's got to grow up and act like an adult, but I'd say he's had a rough deal out of all this.

He's been moved throughout his teenage years, and not just round the corner either. So his education and his social life has been disrupted, at a pretty bad time for either. He's been on his own with his mum, then he's had his sisters AND THEIR BABIES move in with them, into accommodation which was far too small. Then they moved again, and the extra space should have helped, but there were still those babies! And then he was dropped in the middle of nowhere with just his mum again, only THEN one of those babies arrives and he loses his bedroom!

Throughout this, money's been VERY tight, so escape has been very difficult. Mooloo's done her best to make his friends welcome, but there's always been the niggling "Can we afford this?" running through everything.

You would have to be some kind of teenage saint not to be slightly 'difficult' after all that, and there are very few of those!

Of course he does now have a choice, between sitting around feeling he's had a raw deal and getting on with the rest of his life despite that.

And I am not suggesting that Mooloo has done it all wrong, ruined his life, or lost him for ever. I'm just saying he's only 16, and I've got one of a similar age, and I can't begin to imagine how I'd have kept him at home if there'd been ONE baby in the house, never mind two, plus squabbling older sisters.

Sparkle80

Hi Mooloo,

I came across your thread last week and just wanted to say you sound like a very strong and determined lady, I don't know where you get your strength from - your girls are very lucky to have your support.

Glad you have finally got your answer, although like others have said, it might not have been the one you wanted. At least you can move forward now, lots of luck for the future.

Hardup_Hester

Hi Mooloo
Nothing I can say, but hugs.
Hester

Savvy_sewing

Errata wrote: »

I can see from your post that things are becoming clearer in your mind.
Just wanted to say that Biggest will be eligible for the Kinship Fostering money, which is about the same amount as a foster carer would get.

Apparantly not, as this is a "family agreement" she will only be allowed the normal childbenefits and the tax credits. I think that I shall tell her to go to Citizens advice as soon as possilbe, just to check it all out.

Savvy_sewing

tired_mum wrote: »

Mooloo i know this sounds silly but what about a house swap for you and biggest of mooloo ? have just re read todays post and it seems like a simple solution if you could get a new lease on the flat of biggest of mooloo may also be less upheavel for DGD
just a thought
Thinking of you all and fingers crossed for DD1 that she finds soewhere nice to live and gets the help she needs

I had thought of this at one stage, but it would put an extra burden on Biggest of mooloo getting to work. She would have to detour far too far to take DGD to Nursery, and I live in the middle of a village of elderly population. There is nothing here for children or young parents really. She did actually look at this cottage a couple of years ago, but its not for her. It really is not really suitable for a toddler, the garden and drive is unsafe. etc

But it could be possible for her to ask her landlord when she moves if he could consider me. Not that I like her flat but it is at least in an area where I would not need to have a car, and although there is no garden there is a shared patio area outside of her window. Perhaps i could put containers on it. But that would really be a last resort for me, as I really dont want to move.:o

Savvy_sewing

Savvy Sue, I did send a PM to those who inadvertantly said DGD's name and the two where I had, oops, and I presume they will edit on thier next visit. I hope so.

Thanks for defending DS. I was in too much of a state to even notice that it was coming over as a complaint. I wasnt complaining and he was not asking for it to be taken then, but when I next go to Oxford, which if the snow stops! is today.
He has not been the worst of teenagers, and although he is just 17 last month, he has as Sue Says, had a rough time.

All of us have, as a family. None of the moves were for the fun of it. Each move had been becuase of circumstances at that time. All discussed with everyone in the family with the pro's and cons for the move. It was not something that I chose to do lightly.
I did not choose to loose my home when my exhusband, their father left. He made us homeless and lost me my business. I did not get a penny out of him. He took from us. He left me with the first debts. I had money before I met him. Alas debts when we split.
I have risen from the mess more times then I can count.!
Ill health lost us the Pub, along with lightfingered staff.
Starting again has been harder and harder each time. unfortunately dispite the horoscopes we really are not able to predict the future, (which of course has become our past).
Everything I have ever done has been for the best at that particular time. Mostly for survival purposes.
Social Services put a lot on our door when the twins wanted to leave home, and social services workers told us what eventually were obviously out and out lies, to get me to care for the family. They used the guilt trip that it was my duty, my responsibility etc etc. Even in the report about Twin1 it said she had a confusing life. Well I can tell you that a lot of what she said to them was completely fictional. But that is how she sees the world.
They didnt ask me if any of it was true.
But by the bye.

what has happened to the family has happened. I cannot change that fact. Dispite having always put my best of intentions into bringing up my family.

I refuse to have to live with a huge guilt trip hanging over me for any longer then I have to. It has been a rather stressful life, and my BF has freely admitted that he would not have coped with even a quarter of the things that I have had to put up with in my life.

So this is another blip. Sometimes I am not sure I can cope with another blip. But what choice do I have?

The children get as much support as I can give them. All four of them.
Unfortunately it has been the problems with the twins that have dominated all of our lives. (Lets face it their father couldnt cope with them, and he bailed out 16 years ago.).

Anyway I do not see why I have just tried to justify my life, other then that it is my own guilt and feeling of failure.

Now we have to again deal with the fall out of a problem.

I could of course just retreat into my shell, ignore them all, and drown myself in the bottom of a few bottles of wine, give up. Lets face it I have battled for 21 years without much significant help. But somewhere in the middle of me, there is still a spark of fight left. I dont want to go under completely.
I have already had a nervous breakdown in my life, I dont want another one. I have been close a few times, I have seen the signs, and battled down the hatches, and gotten through it. I intend to do that again. Dispite at this moment feeling completely CRUSHED.

floss2

Mooloo, have you applied to the energy & water companies to their hardship trusts? They may be able to help you with your debts to them. Certainly United Utilities have a scheme whereby they match your payments £ for £ to pay off any debt to them (I know because I have used the scheme myself). CAB may be able to put you in touch with them. Or is it worth considering bankruptcy to clear your slate from the past? Would you be able to manage to keep the cottage without the debt repayments?