A new start for Mooloo

Savvy_sewing

As Molly41 said to me via a text, I think that I am in shock.
It took some reading that report, not becuase of the language etc used in it. But becuse I could see what they were saying and it was breaking my heart. Although the part where they blame some of it on her upbringing I refute!! Just because we were divorced didnt mean that it was our fault. It would have affected Biggest of Mooloo and DS too in that way then wouldnt it?
It does come over that Twin1 is more confussed about her life then I realised in some ways, but then I always have said she was living in her own little world.
Perhaps we can use the report to get Adult Services to help her. she really does need to be in some sort of Assisted living when she has to move on.

We now have the various battles.

1),. Biggest of Mooloo has to be introduced to the new social worker, and she then has to be fully aware of the problems that she will face, and she will need to be assessed for her Parenting skills and abilities. So will her boyfriend if they are talking of a future together, (which on the bright side of life they are). then she will have to relocate again, as her flat is only a one bedroomed. Just bigger then a studio flat.
2). Twin1 has to be helped to find a new home, as well as a job/help etc what ever she is needing.
3) the transition for DGD has to be as smoothe and as easy as possible. And I suppose as quickly as possible so that she can begin her new life (if allowed).
4). I will have to learn to let go!
5). I will then have to consider my options for my future again. As it has been on hold.

thats just a quick snap shot of the next few weeks I suppose.

Twin1 has to be out of her flat by 4th April.

I do not have the money to help with a deposit, or the strength to help her move this time. No longer can i lift the boxes etc. The family will have to rally around her.

I will have to really consider my future here, as on my own I cannot afford to stay in the cottage. Not on the current ESA, as Housing Benefit will not pay the cottage costs. So that means a lot of rethinking. As we will all have to move again!

Biggest of Mooloo will need at least a 2 bedroomed house.
Twin1 will need a 1 bedroomed flat
Twin2 needs a 2 or 3 bedroomed house
(DS needs a job????)
I will have to consider loosing all my aims for the cottage and look at flats. Uggggggh

floss2

Mooloo wrote: »

...I will have to consider loosing all my aims for the cottage and look at flats. Uggggggh

Mooloo, who was it who told you of a friend of theirs who was in a supported living flat due to their illness? Do you have any housing associations near you who may be able to help with an easy-to-manage place for you?

Savvy_sewing

I dont think that I am unwell enough for supported living as of yet. I am not ill enough for the DLA, apparantly. so I think it will be me searching on my own. It usually is anyway.
But I will just have to think about all of this at another time. My brain is swamped with all of this.
I just wish that Twin1 and I could have managed to live together,but we know that we just cannot. It would not work.
And would confuse DGD too much.

I will just deal with them and think and surf a bit for me.

I can always aply for the desgretionary payments to start with anyway.
then surely housing will have to help me relocte, as it would be the housing benefits making me homeless in the long run. Although I doubt that they would think of it that way.!
Right its dinner time for DGD, I must go and feed her, then bath her etc. I took my eyes off of the ball and she has felt pen all over her hands!.

Errata

Of course you are feeling shocked, that's a very normal reaction.

I will have to learn to let go!

Not so much letting go, as perhaps a different grip ?

Looking at things pragmatically.
You can do the odd favour for DS if it's convenient, but he should expect no help from you other than that. He's made his bed and will have to lie on it until he has a lightbult moment. That will come, but nobody, not even you, can switch the lightbulb on for him.

Twin 2 is in a difficult situation, but one that can be sorted out by the LA if she co-operates, and she has to do that not you. Doing things for her, other than the odd favour, stops her from learning how to do them herself with support from statutory services and organisations.

Twin1 just doesn't 'cotton on', and you can't do that for her, Her best help will come from statutory servies and they will bear the responsibility for her. Again, do 'favours' but don't do what staturtory services should be doing.

Biggest is to be applauded, I'm sure you will talk to her about how much of her life as a young woman she will be giving up and what that will mean financially. I hope she will be supported by SS and the LA in finding suitable accommodtion before she fosters DGD, and her BF needs to be sensible and not sentimental about what he'll be taking on and how it will affect him.

If you give up the cottage would it be possible to sofa surf at your parent's until you get your breath back ? I seem to remember they go abroad for quite long spells, so perhaps you wouldn't be under each others feet.

HTH and best wishes.

Molly41

Hi Mooloo, Such a lot to think about. One step at a time - it will be sorted and it will be ok - keep affirming it in your mind when you are worried or panicky. When you find your mind racing as you will try 7/11 breathing. Breathe in for 7 (or for as much as you can manage) and out for 11 (or at least longer than breath in). Works on the autonomic nervous system and will calm within a few minutes. Try it at night if you cant sleep. Hugsx

jackieglasgow

:grouphug:Mooloo, I don't want to give you advice your head must be spinning, but have a dodgy hug or two to make you smile!:grouphug:

candygirl

Aww mooloo, am sending you massive ((huggles)) and hope things work out ok for you in the end:(:(

minimoneysaver

Oh how awful! Poor DGD, I really feel for her. Bless her. As for your son... sod him! Fancy making more demands on a day like today. How incredibly selfish of him. It's time he grew up and faced the fact that it is now time for him to be an adult and there is no reason for him to be taking money from the social or similar. If he has made the choice to leave a perfectly good job, then he will have to find another as soon as he can. As for biggest, well done on her part for stepping up to the mark and offering to provide a permanent home for DGD. It is such a shame that you aren't physically able to as it would have at least helped to maintain a roof over your head and continuity for her. I'm sure a solution will come. Best of luck to you. x

Savvy_sewing

Yes my head is spinning.
DGD is now tucked up in her cot. She went down fairly easily, although she has picked up on the vibes that things are not right, and did mention that she had been with a lady who was "busy" while Granny and Mummy were with the man. This from a 27month old.
she even recognised the route from when I we took DS to college, as it was on the way to where we were today. She said it was "DS (name) work there! and jpointed to the college.) And as we only went that way with her a couple of times before he went to work at his apprenticeship that amazed me.

Twin1 has rung her twin to tell her the bad news which didnt really surprise me, becuase dispite their arguements they were always close before all this.
Whether this will make twin2 think about her situation and buck up her ideas I do not know. She does rely on "him" too much. But I cannot go there at the moment.

DS has shown no sign of a job, and no sign of worrying about it at the moment. I don't mind taking the stereo to him when I go to oxford as he is only a few streets away from my BF's.

Biggest of Mooloo will need support in sorting things out, and working out if her offer of caring for DGD really is feasible and not just a rash offer. She will have to go through the system with Social and be assessed. So that she really is ready to take on DGD.

Me, well its a double edged sword isnt it. On the one hand I have been saying I cannot carry on caring for DGD, both financially and physically. On the other hand I have got used to having her around and I will miss her sorely. 3 months is a long time.
When she moves on to live with her Auntie, of course I will be able to just be granny again, and I will have the opportunity of having my life back. Except it will not be my life as I have ever known it.
It will be the first time that I will be on my own. Completely on my own, day in and day out. If I get to keep my cottage, it will depend on my ability to finance my stay here. To do that I will have to have cleared the debts I am left from living with the family in the last house, and the ones from the house before actually. Then also the fact that I will still have the bills that I have had for this winter living with DS and DGD.
Now that DS has gone and there is only me, the income is rock bottom, and the savings nil.
Will I be able to do the things that I initially wanted to do when DS and I moved here.
Regain my health. Grow my own fruits and vegetables, herbs etc.
Build up an income from making things with my sewing experiences.

I have always had one or other of the family living with me. So I will start to experience the empty nest syndrome!
That along with living in a village where I do not really know anyone.
thankgoodness I can still drive.

I am not sure that I could Couch Surf at my parents. I would be able to have a bedroom, my old room is there, but its full of all of their clothes etc etc most of the time. Its the preperation room for the Caravanning. But they would ofcourse not see me homeless.
But I do not think that it would be as practical as it sounds on paper.

Moving back to Oxford could be a possibility if I had work there, but probably not living with my BF, which would also be more practical on paper then it would be in real life. He may still have to sell his house to pay off his ex once his youngest finishes at school.

I suppose the best way for me to get my head sorted out, is to thank god that we know what is happening now. That we can at least move forward in the knowledge that something will now be done. That Biggest of Mooloo is willing to take on her neice, and she will not have to go and live with strangers. Biggest of Mooloo has a reasonably good job, and she will be entitled to the childbenefit and the child tax credits that Twin1 was getting. She will possibly be able to get working tax credits too? Then if she and her BF are taking her on together then there will be his wages as well. They will probably put DGD into Private Nursery, and possibly get vouchers or tax credits to help with that? I am not exactly sure there.
Her tenancy agreement runs out in September, so she will have time to look for somewhere for all of them to live. Possibly even apply for a mortgage on thier own property. So DGD will receive a better life then possibly her mother would have been able to give her.?

Twin1 should be helped with her housing, and we can contact them next week to check that one out. She may possibly have to go back into the hostel where her sister is, until she can be helped. But with the information from this report I feel we may well get help from the Adult services now, and possibly be able to get her supported living. Which I think is the way forward for her.

Twin2 we will just have to wait and see what develops, but she is getting a lot of support without me at the moment.

Errata

I can see from your post that things are becoming clearer in your mind.
Just wanted to say that Biggest will be eligible for the Kinship Fostering money, which is about the same amount as a foster carer would get.