MSE Parents Club Part 3

Lu_T

redmel1621 wrote: »

Evening all

I haven't read back very far as there is a bit too much to read (and too little time) But something just struck a chord with me.

I was reading about the reward charts, and am sat feeling confused! I am also not sure how to explain what I am feeling.....Lately all I seem to do with my boys is use threats of punishment, so it will go something like this.....
"If you don't brush your teeth, NOW, your not going to your friends house"
"If you don't go to bed sensibly, you are not playing PS3 tomorrow"
etc. etc.....Imagine most of that being played out in a shouting voice while child is whining or messing around, and you will get the picture.

My initial reaction to reading about the charts is...oh my god, I feel so cruel now, I never reward my kids....but on thinking about it for another minute or two, I am now thinking maybe my method isn't too bad (although maybe I should give a few rewards/treats incentives sometimes!)

But as you live in society you barely get rewarded for behaving in an appropriate manner, however if you behave inappropriately, say, fighting/mugging/verbal abuse/murder...then there will always be consequences to bear, obviously in relation to the severity of the 'bad behaviour'...... So in a way I am preparing them for the fact that if you misbehave (at any age) you may lose certain privileges.

Am I just trying to talk myself into the fact that my method is fine (although sort of accidental) and should I be trying to use a more positive behaviour correction method???

Sorry for the ramble, I am just wondering what your thoughts are on this matter:)
Thanks
Mel x

Sorry girls & Bruno. Can't possibly catch up on all that with Imogen running around! But wanted to add my 2p to Mel's discussion about behaviour.

We use lots of positive reinforcement. So much so that Imogen often says, "well done," or "that was kind" to both us and random strangers! We also use choices but slightly different to Becles. We say things like, "Do you want to put your shoes or coat on first?" so she gets to make a choice, but both are acceptable to us.

Stickers (and occasionally bribery) are used to reward good behaviour, but we do this once a day and only one sticker per category - she has 5 categories. She has to have a few days with all the stickers to get anything else. Mainly the stickers are enough incentive.

Like others, we also use lots of cuddles, kisses and attention to reward good behaviour and try to ignore the bad stuff. She's at a precocious age where she does stuff on purpose to wind us up (at the moment it's not pronouncing her 't's e.g. chocluh for chocolate) and if I comment she just does it more. We do also use the naughty step, but it's been so effective that it's only actually been used 4 times and threatened another 4 - and that's in 12 months since I first used it!

If she does something we need to pick up on - like when she was being horrible to DH routinely - we have a quiet chat about it and say that behaviour makes us sad. We've also recently bought a book about moods which seems to be helping her intepret how she feels. The other day she had a bit of a tantrum when she got up and when I asked later how she felt she said she'd been grumpy.

MW came to give me a sweep but isn't hopeful. Apparently it doesn't feel like I'm ready - more like cotton than an elastic band! So fingers are crossed, but I'm not holding my breath.

Oh, and Imogen seems to have invented an imaginery friend this am - Mingo. He's been helping her do a jigsaw :rotfl:

Sorry for the long post...

money_maker_3

Aww sami, if you want to wait till I am back at work in January I will do your B & C for you
(obviously I am not paid a bonus for number of sales :whistle:)

carlamagee

hi again ladies. im snooping again. even though i have DD, i feel as if i shouldnt be here cos am pregnant!! silly me.

was jus wondering if any of you recieved the surestart maternity grant? and ifso, do you remember how long it took to process!? I left mine in yesterday....!

MrsTinks

money_maker wrote: »

Right I cant use supernanny bed time thing. It is aimed at kids leaving their room, Jasmine (happy coinsidence of the brat on that show:)) gets up but stays in her room or just lays in bed talking and singing to herself or bouncing on her bed !!! Any suggestions on what i do with her ???

I'm now trying to rack my brain for any of her programs where that happens... If I find one I'll let you know! I'm sure there must be one...

3onitsway

SeptemberBaby wrote: »

Good luck to 3's OH! :j

I have two policemen in my family and they both really enjoy their job.

xx

Thank you! His dad is in the same force, so he knows what to expect. I think he'd really enjoy it - its his type of thing (I don't think I could do it though!)

money_maker wrote: »

try being a white heterosexual protestant male in northern ireland like 2 of my best mates, they have no chance at the minute !!!!! Now before anyone wants to think I am being a bit racist with that comment, I married a Catholic, so I cant hate them that much:rotfl:

I completely understand you.

My cousin's OH applied 5 times to his particular police force, and got nowhere. On the 6th time, he ticked the 'prefer not to say' box for the sexual oriantation question - and got through.

Sami_Bee wrote: »

ooh Good Luck to your OH! does he want to be an actual 'bobby' or is it an office job? I love that MIL is in the police she tells me things she shouldn't :shhh:

Yes - a proper bobby on the beat. (I'm looking forward to him sharing the gossip with me, and the uniform! :eek:)

ETA: I've told OH to wear a pink shirt, carry a 'man-bag' and clench his buttocks when he walks - but he's not convinced. :rotfl:

Sami_Bee

Lu_T wrote: »

Oh, and Imogen seems to have invented an imaginery friend this am - Mingo. He's been helping her do a jigsaw :rotfl:

Sorry for the long post...

aww! Chris is just getting more creative with imaginary things, it had been limited to imaginary tea when playing with his tea set but yesterday he wanted to play shop and kept giving me 'money' from his pocket:D


oh if anyone hasn't had a free dvd rental trial from lovefilm if you sign up to nectar dvd rental you get 30 day free trial 500 points and a voucher booklet "worth £250" the vouchers are for theme parks, sealife centres etc.

Sami_Bee

money_maker wrote: »

Aww sami, if you want to wait till I am back at work in January I will do your B & C for you
(obviously I am not paid a bonus for number of sales :whistle:)

:cool: we normally get it through our financial advisor but I think I'll see what I can find myself with martin's help and maybe get cashback instead of him getting commission

MrsTine wrote: »

I'm now trying to rack my brain for any of her programs where that happens... If I find one I'll let you know! I'm sure there must be one...

not sure about SN but this happens on House of tiny tearaways more, so MM maybe check that out? the woman who does it it called Tanya Byron(sp?)

3onitsway wrote: »

Thank you! His dad is in the same force, so he knows what to expect. I think he'd really enjoy it - its his type of thing (I don't think I could do it though!)


Yes - a proper bobby on the beat. (I'm looking forward to him sharing the gossip with me, and the uniform! :eek:)

oh the uniform is soo unsexy its the jumper that is really not nice :rotfl:
I remember there was a shooting not far from MIL's a few years back, we switched on her radio to listen in on what was happening :cool:

Assuming he's going for M police not C they sometimes send you on courses that are run from rented conference facilities at united biscuits and you can get bargain biscuits from the factory shop :money:

weezl74

Lu_T wrote: »

Oh, and Imogen seems to have invented an imaginery friend this am - Mingo. He's been helping her do a jigsaw :rotfl:

If you spell him like this: Mingoe, he is an anagram of her name

Sami_Bee

weezl74 wrote: »

If you spell him like this: Mingoe, he is an anagram of her name

OMG - proof that Imogen is a genius!!:D

Must go... Chris is trying to breast feed Ed :undecided :rotfl:

Mrs_Moc

Carla - my cousin got a surestart grant came in 1 week after she applied.

Em - hope your day gets better

MM - no advice but my 8YO does that, she sneaks her TV on with the sound down, the turns it off when I go upstairs up to 12 some nights.

MW came this morning, I have a womb infection and DH has just gone to the chemists to collect the antibiotics and painkillers.:T

It sounds strange but im so happy its a womb infection, I never mentioned the pain to anyone as I had assumed the pains were just natural from the CS, but MW said my stomach was really hard and when I mentioned the fresh bleeding yesterday she phoned my Doctors. At least now I know the pains will go over the next couple of days. Thankfully she came today as Monday is bank holiday and I wouldn't have got them them till Tuesday. :eek:

DH has also suggested he doesn't think I will be able to cope with the kids and the baby alone next week because of the pains I have been getting and moving is still sore so he's taking another week of and seeing how things go. :T:T:T:T