New Baby Sleeping: In Own Room or In Your Room???

inkie

Both our girls were in their own room from coming home from hospital - to start with the Moses basket went in their cot. They would both have a breastfeed at about midnight, and then that would be it until 6 am-ish. Their room was right next to ours - I left both doors ajar so that I could hear them, and as our is a small house, I would imagine that they would be closer to us than would be the case with a baby being in the same room in a very large bedroom.

dontknowwhatimdoing

The first of my 4 children was 5 weeks early and under 5lbs. I breastfed him every 3 hours for the first month or so - we had his cot in our room anyway, (husband's insistence!) but I was so tired because it took so long to feed him (his sucking reflex was not too good) that at night he ended up in our bed, latched on to me all night and between us, with my arm protecting him. I am a light sleeper anyway and had no fear about him being rolled on.
He only moved into his own room at 14 months when his sister was born and she occupied the cot in our room.
We had each baby in our room for about 12 months before moving them out. There is something wonderful about having your baby so close in those first months - I was lucky in that my husband hated the baby moving out! He liked them as near as possible.
Trust your own instincts - do what you feel is right for you and do not allow people to influence you against your better judgement. There is no right or wrong, but ...have you ever witnessed a cat with her kittens? She does not leave them in the first few days, then speeds back to them at all times, feeds them on demand, washes them and keeps them close and if they wander, she calls them back. Cats do not read books - they do it by instinct!
My children are all in their 20's now - home loving but independent.

Hell_Dans_Un_Handcart

hayleyc wrote: »

To answer the OP's question, we've only just started putting DS down to bed in his own room and he's 19 months. We co-slept since birth because we wanted to be able to repsond to his needs straight away. It may be different if you're formula feeding, but when breastfeeding it's so much easier to have the baby next to you and feed lying down and half asleep. I wish that the research was more thorough and looked at all the possible differences in sleeping arrangements. Whilst this may be time-consuming and difficult, I think it's vital that the research starts to separate out things like safe co-sleeping, naps on the sofa, breast/bottle feeding, use of dummies etc so that people can make an informed choice.

Hayley

Indeed. From memory, the most recent research actually states that breastfeeding and co-sleeping reduce the incidence of cotdeath - if done safely. I need to start saving these links!

We place so much emphasis on the marital bed and bedroom; we worry that we need to keep space for ourselves. The trouble is, when you have children - the only space left untouched is the one inside your head (if you're lucky!). Fortunately, children grow and you can 'reclaim' your bedroom, should you want to. My co-sleeping toddler doesn't want to know me in the daytime :rotfl:and I imagine she will be very keen to go into her own bed when she realises that's what 'big girls' do.

kindofagilr

twentypenceoff wrote: »

please wil people who live in terraced houses who want to sleep with their baby have some thought for thier neigbours?

I dont fully understand your point?

Whether the baby sleeps in the same room as a parent in a terraced house makes no difference?

If the baby is in with the parent and it cries the next door neighbour might be able to hear it

If the baby is in its own room and cries the next door neighbour might be able to hear it too?

I dont get your point about terraced houses? and babies being in with their parents?

belfastgirl23

OK twenty pence didn't put it that well but believe me it is difficult having a baby living above you. I'm not saying people shouldn't have babies, nor am I saying that it's always within parents control. But it is nice to have some acknowledgement of the fact that you are being disturbed (in the same way that you would acknowledge if you had had a party and disturbed people). We had upstairs neighbours who had a baby and I have to say that we were both as zombified as new parents ourselves. We didn't complain about the baby crying although it did waken us at least three times a night for a few months until they moved out. But we did mention it to them when they started yelling at each other from different ends of the flat 'do you want a cup of tea'. And when they decided to hoover in the middle of the night because they were up anyway. And never got as much as an acknowledgement that we were trying to be reasonable, in fact they were pretty p***d off that we brought up the hoovering. their attitude was more or less if we suffer then you should too. Not good for neighbourly relations.

At least if you're a new parent and you look exhausted and your work is suffering, there is some understanding of what is happening. This isn't the case if you're a neighbour. So just a minor plea for some understanding for those who also suffer

angelicmary85

This might be a silly question to ask or maybe the answer is right in front of me but why should smokers not share their bed with a baby? If they are not smoking in the house or near the baby then why does it make a difference?

I never shared a bed with my baby nor is there any smoking around her just incase anyone asks!

Hell_Dans_Un_Handcart

angelicmary85 wrote: »

This might be a silly question to ask or maybe the answer is right in front of me but why should smokers not share their bed with a baby? If they are not smoking in the house or near the baby then why does it make a difference?

I never shared a bed with my baby nor is there any smoking around her just incase anyone asks!

Cigarette smoke sticks to your clothes and your skin, and you breathe out the toxins. It's a very bad idea to be breathing them all night over your baby and of course it will be in your hair, on your hands etc.

Official advice is, I believe, to not hold or touch a baby for 20mins after you smoke. You should also wash thoroughly and change your clothes. Not very practical but a good reminder of exactly how harmful it can be.

Cigarette smoke is linked very strongly with cot death, but because nobody knows for sure how cot death works, I don't think they know why the two are related. Somebody else may be able to correct me there.

li'l_p

Well, thanks to everyone that has contributed to this thread. Some very interesting comments indeed. I wasn't looking for a definitive answer and I am sure that armed with the facts and opinions we will do what we believe is right. It is interesting to get such a wide range of views, so THANKS to everyone that has contributed.

I would like to comment on what one person has said tabout things being 'flavour of the month' with midwives and health visitors, as this was evident in our Parentcraft sessions when the HV explained that they cannot discuss bottle feeding with us, as they have to wholeheartedly promote breastfeeding. This is awfully narrow minded (obviously not the fault of the HV, as she is only there to promote what the current guidelines are) but I know that some people simply cannot breastfeed for whatever reason, and I am firm believer that you should be presented with as much information as possible to enable you to make an informed decision as to what is best and then at least if your preferred option does not work out then at least you know you have another option to fall back on.

Our HV blew the SIDS theory of using dummies out of the water as she explained that the guidance had stated that using a dummy was supposed to help reduce the risk, etc, etc, however she explained that babies often spit the dummy out and no matter how many times you put it back in, it will ultimately get expelled... so what are you supposed to do there - stand over them and physically hold it in.

Anyway, thanks again to everyone. I'll let you know how we get on when baby arrives...

SallyCinnamon

We had our little one with us until she was too big for her basket which was at about 4 and a half months. She's never slept in bed with us as my OH is a smoker. We couldn't practically have her in our room once she'd outgrown the basket as we we selling up and couldn't move the cotbed in and out of the nursery for viewings. She loves her own room and all 3 of us get a better night's sleep now. Good luck!

Hell_Dans_Un_Handcart

li'l_p wrote: »

Our HV blew the SIDS theory of using dummies out of the water as she explained that the guidance had stated that using a dummy was supposed to help reduce the risk, etc, etc, however she explained that babies often spit the dummy out and no matter how many times you put it back in, it will ultimately get expelled... so what are you supposed to do there - stand over them and physically hold it in.

The best possible thing you can do is not to give them a dummy at all, because if it's normally in and they spit it out, then your SIDs risk is increased. I wonder how many mothers are giving dummies to reduce SIDs? Honestly, I don't know how HVs get away with trawling such tripe.