My partner doesn't want children....

ceridwen

Errr....stardoman....."we've agreed that he take care of the contraception and that way if theres an accident he cant blame me" - errrrr....I thought they were only trialling the male contraceptive injection in China??

I presume therefore that you are referring to condoms - as I understand it = a noticeable "failure" rate. They may have amended the figures since I was checking out what type of contraception to use many years ago now - but I seem to recall that they were stating that condoms were only 80% odd effective or thereabouts? Hence I used the Pill and, if I had needed it, abortion - thankfully I didnt come up on the 0.1% failures - so I didnt need to (the Pill was at that time deemed 99% safe - which I know has recently been amended to 99.9% safe). Abortions are something that CAN only be done by the woman. Add those 2 facts together - and....errr.....as condoms arent foolproof on the one hand and YOU are the only one that could have an abortion should an unwanted pregnancy occur - then YES...he COULD blame you (1. for insisting that an unsafe contraceptive method was used. followed by 2. for not having an abortion when that method fails). Cant say I have any very high regard at all for the effectiveness of condoms - the ONLY time I ever used them (yes I did use the word "I" correctly) - they failed to work properly - thankfully I got lucky and my body didnt get pregnant on me - so I was able to avoid the consequent abortion there would have been.

"Playing with fire" is the phrase that comes to mind here.....

galvanizersbaby

ceridwen wrote: »

Errr....stardoman....."we've agreed that he take care of the contraception and that way if theres an accident he cant blame me" - errrrr....I thought they were only trialling the male contraceptive injection in China??

I presume therefore that you are referring to condoms - as I understand it = a noticeable "failure" rate. They may have amended the figures since I was checking out what type of contraception to use many years ago now - but I seem to recall that they were stating that condoms were only 80% odd effective or thereabouts? Hence I used the Pill and, if I had needed it, abortion - thankfully I didnt come up on the 0.1% failures - so I didnt need to (the Pill was at that time deemed 99% safe - which I know has recently been amended to 99.9% safe). Abortions are something that CAN only be done by the woman. Add those 2 facts together - and....errr.....as condoms arent foolproof on the one hand and YOU are the only one that could have an abortion should an unwanted pregnancy occur - then YES...he COULD blame you (1. for insisting that an unsafe contraceptive method was used. followed by 2. for not having an abortion when that method fails). Cant say I have any very high regard at all for the effectiveness of condoms - the ONLY time I ever used them (yes I did use the word "I" correctly) - they failed to work properly - thankfully I got lucky and my body didnt get pregnant on me - so I was able to avoid the consequent abortion there would have been.

"Playing with fire" is the phrase that comes to mind here.....

I presumed he had had the snip tbh

btw I would hope for many couples in a loving relationship there is no 'I' in 'We' and joint decisions/responsibility would be taken if contraception fails

Nice that you've felt the need/been able to post your views on the creation of a new life again though :rolleyes:

Dinah93

Condoms are recognised as a safe method of contraception, with kitemark approved brands at between 98% and 99.8% effective. 80% would have to be a traditional pigs bladder or something!

jellyhead

OP this sounds really difficult, I feel for you. I haven't been in your situation, but I know what it feels like to want a child (it took me 3 years to get pregnant and I thought it would never happen).

After I had my baby I had a surprise pregnancy but miscarried, and my husband doesn't want to try again, but I do. I've got a mirena coil though, so it's not going to happen. I've been in a sort of limbo for 3 years since the miscarriage but last month I made the decision to be happy with what I have and just accept that I won't have another baby.

Perhaps it's easier for me to make this decision though, because I'm already a mother so the decision is 'another' child or not rather than whether to become a mother at all.

jellyhead

incidentally, i was thinking as i read this thread that it could be john e begood's OH posting.

Pee

You need to be sure that you wouldn't regret it if you ended up single, without children. There is a reasonable chance that you will not find someone else to have children with or that you then have problems... and the chances of splitting up from a new OH before the child is 5 are statistically high.
But I think you know inside that you are not happy staying where you are.

Silverbird

ceridwen wrote: »

Errr....stardoman....."we've agreed that he take care of the contraception and that way if theres an accident he cant blame me" - errrrr....I thought they were only trialling the male contraceptive injection in China??
....

My first thought was that she meant he was going for a vasectomy.

galvanizersbaby

Silverbird wrote: »

My first thought was that she meant he was going for a vasectomy.

Isn't it funny how people interpret things in many different ways?!;)
I thought the same

Gavin83

stardoman wrote: »

Sometimes, I think taking the drastic step of ending things can make the other person see how important the issue is for you. If he loves you he might decide that he will compromise to keep you. But you have to mean it and be prepared to follow it through if he doesn't change his mind.
Good luck, Mandy.

Do you really think it's a sign that one partner doesn't love the other if they aren't willing to have a child with them? I just find it hard to believe your saying that the relationship is one sided or isn't stable if one partner refuses to have a child when the other partner really wants one.

galvanizersbaby

Gavin83 wrote: »

Do you really think it's a sign that one partner doesn't love the other if they aren't willing to have a child with them? I just find it hard to believe your saying that the relationship is one sided or isn't stable if one partner refuses to have a child when the other partner really wants one.

In my opinion such a relationship isn't necessarily one sided or unstable (though perhaps there's also an element of that for this particular OP) but I would say it could and would be for many an irreconcilable difference.
Certainly if it is something that neither party feels able to compromise on