My partner doesn't want children....

vegankris

Pigeongirl wrote: »

Just have a little 'accident'.

Your marriage might end because of it but at least you'd have the child you yearn for.

Please ignore this advice and do not do this, as it would be exceptionally cruel.

Leave your partner and look for a sperm donor by all means*, but do not do this by deception and betrayal of your partner's trust.

*Here's a book about doing this which you may be interested in- http://www.amazon.co.uk/Knock-Yourself-Up-Man-Problem/dp/1583332863/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1241967525&sr=1-1

DeeDee74

i can say Ive been on both side's of this.
op u will resent the other person if thay deny u what u really want.
it's not and easy choice to make i guess you have to work out what/ who u want more .
good luck x

Horace

Don't do as pigeongirl has suggested and get pregnant accidentally on purpose because your boyfriend will see it as the ultimate betrayal. He has said that he doesnt want kids at all and he should be respected for that, on the other hand you are desperate for kids because your clock is ticking and it is your decision as to whether or not you stay with this man and have no kids or move on and find someone who does want them.

Don't stay with a guy because he doesnt want them and you do. Life is too short for what ifs...you say that there are other problems and you don't want to leave - is that because you are scared to be outside of your comfort zone? It could be that your relatiionship has come to an end andi it is time to move on...so do the best for both of you and leave and find yourself a chap who wants kids and more importantly one that wants to have kids with you.

Good luck

ailuro2

inaminute wrote: »

Without going into detail I know I can have children and my partner is aware of this....

but who knows whether you can have more or not?

And can your partner even have kids?

1 in 6 is the figure for couples who struggle to conceive. Just because you did it once with someone else doesn't mean it will work with Mr Current.


tbh it ocmes across that you want to leave him but are currently too scared to make that leap. You're painting him as a bit marriage phobic too, but in reality he's probably well aware of your desire for children and doesn't want to end up divorced in a year after spending all that money on a wedding.;)

ceridwen

Pigeongirl wrote: »

Just have a little 'accident'.

Your marriage might end because of it but at least you'd have the child you yearn for.

Life is a lot easier without a child though - you just don't realise that until you've had one.

WHAT!!!!!!!!:eek: I trust that was NOT a serious suggestion. That would be incredibly selfish to do that - and he would certainly never trust O.P. again - and who could blame him?

That suggestion is just SO immoral its unbelievable - very very selfish to suggest ignoring the mans wishes like that (he has rights too!) and it would be very very selfish to lumber some poor child with a father who didnt want to be one. Every child absolutely deserves two loving/willing parents.

skintchick

But ceridwen, didn't you suggest a guy should nip out and have the snip behind his partner's back because she wanted children and he didn't?

Isn't that 'incredibly selfish', and 'immoral' too? Or does it only work one way?

SugarSpun

My ex didn't want to have children, and made it very clear that he was utterly uninterested in raising a family.

It was one of the precipitating causes of our breaking up, and it was really difficult to make the decision that it was over and I needed to find someone who wanted the same things that I did.

My ex changed his mind, shortly after I got engaged and then pregnant. It's too late, but I'm happy and he's happy too. It's not an easy decision either way. Good luck.

flea72

if he really doesnt want children, then he should have the snip. If he goes ahead with it then you know that he stands behind his beliefs, and that if you really want to have the chance to try for a child, then you have to leave the relationship

But from experience, lots of men who say then dont want kids, will still not take the 'final' step, because in all honesty what they are really saying is 'they dont want kids with you'

Ive lost count of the number of friends who have played along with their partners 'no kids' stance, only to have the relationship end, and then find out within a few years that their ex who was admant they didnt want kids, is now settled down with the 2.4

Flea

Reds-on-Sea

flea72 wrote: »

if he really doesnt want children, then he should have the snip. If he goes ahead with it then you know that he stands behind his beliefs, and that if you really want to have the chance to try for a child, then you have to leave the relationship

But from experience, lots of men who say then dont want kids, will still not take the 'final' step, because in all honesty what they are really saying is 'they dont want kids with you'

Ive lost count of the number of friends who have played along with their partners 'no kids' stance, only to have the relationship end, and then find out within a few years that their ex who was admant they didnt want kids, is now settled down with the 2.4

Flea

Harsh, but true,

Don't deny yourself, leave.

seven-day-weekend

My husband and I were married nine years before either of us wanted children and luckily for us it happened to us at the same time. We only had the one who is now 29.

Having said that, although I understand what a heartbreak it must be for you, I would not have left my husband to have children, if he had not wanted any.

Children grow up and leave the nest, but your life partner is just that, there for life, and THAT imho is the most important aspect. I would not have wanted to live my life without him, children or no children.

This is my take on it; maybe if you do not feel that way then perhaps he is not the right person for you. He actually does not sound as though he wants ANY firm commitment.

I agree with what Oldernotwiser says however, don't give up on the relationship JUST to have children.