My partner doesn't want children....

lilmissmup

Digging up an old post here but just wonder how you are getting on inaminute as I am in a very similar situation even though a lot younger, i am desperate for a family and my OH has suddenly said no after being fine with it before.

I started my own topic on it a few days ago when it all came to a head.

inaminute

Hi lilmissmup, funny you should retrieve this thread as I have been reading your thread with interest.

In a nutshell I'm no further forward, mine is still a definate no. My partner was always a 'maybe' person on the kids front so I read into that thinking it would turn into a 'yes' sadly it hasn't. I'm not sure if I mentioned it before but I wrote my partner a letter and gave him some time to read it. I basically poured my heart out and told him how much it meant to me for us to have a child together. How I'd thought about the changes it would bring and how we could move forward together by doing a, b, c etc.. but it was still a no. What I am trying to say is sometimes it easier to write down how you feel rather than say it face to face this allows the other person (your partner) to absorb what you've written and come back with a response without being put on the spot.

I also think you shouldn't keep pushing the subject, because I did and its driven a wedge between us which I know is partially my fault. However, this discussion has been going on for months now, and to be honest he broke my heart the day he told me he didn't want children. I have done my best to put it behind me and move forward with him and imagine a life without children in it but I think I know in my heart that I'm not able to do that.

I know what the answer is now but actually taking that step is the difficult part. Leaving someone you love is not an easy choice so for the time being I'm still sitting on the fence, but I know I need to do something as I'm starting to get splinters!

If you want to talk further with me, please feel free to PM me, I don't mind I just don't want to go into too much more detail on here just incase he should come across it one day.

kit

I left my husband for a reason similar to this. He was ok with having children, as long as he didnt have to make any effort! When we needed fertility treatment, he refused to co-operate. Finally I gave up on the ferility treatment and asked him to consider adopting. He said no way. In the end I wrote him a letter explaining how much I wanted children and asked that he either co-operated with the fertility treatment or we adopt. He said no to both, I left the same day. For me, no man was worth giving up my dream to have children no matter how much love was involved.

I meet someone else and we are still going strong with a 4 year old daughter!

A friend of mine also left her partner of 11 years because she decided she wanted children and he didnt. She would happily admit that she loved him dearly, but she could not imagine her life childless. 7 years on she has a daughter with her new man and is very happy. She is still great friends with her ex, who still doesnt want children!

Feel free to PM me if you need to rant, chat etc. I know how hard it is to be in your position.

inaminute

Hi kit, I have sent you a PM hope that's ok however I'm not sure if it went or not?? Maybe you could let me know if it comes through. Thanks

angelavdavis

My ex told me after almost 10 years together that he didn't want children and was secretly hoping that I would change my mind about wanting them too (he knew I wanted children when we met).

I was aged 32 as soon as I discovered he had lied to me about wanting them - he left the day after telling me and I haven't seen him since - at the time, it hurt me deeply and took me years to get over it. Unfortunately I didn't meet my new husband until I was 37. My new husband is a lovely, giving man who would dearly love to have children.

We have been trying for 3 years to have children and have been told we stand little chance. A combination of male infertility and my age.

I have just had a failed IVF attempt - something I wouldn't wish on anyone.

Don't hold onto this relationship if you want children - you will regret it all your life that you left it so late to start or that you stayed with your partner.

tara747

inaminute, I have only just come across this thread and really feel for you.

((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))

T

lilmissmup

Nice to know we are not all alone out there sometimes hey inaminute x

Angeladavis i really feel for you, I am giving my OH another two years maximum and thats a definate maximum before I walk.

I am just not brave enough too yet

inaminute

Yes, its good to know you're not alone in making this type of decision but its also sad to think that there are so many ladies like us in this position too.

It doesn't help making the decision any easier though... I feel like I'm going crazy thinking about it :eek:

My heart goes out to angelavdavis, what a cruel thing to have done. I do hope that you are blessed with a child eventually and your dreams come true.

Thanks to everyone who has posted with their stories and for all your encouragement and support.:o

inaminute

Ok, now I'm even more confused!!

As you know I said that my partner didn't want children, not now not ever. Anyway, cutting a long story short I thought I'd come to a decision regarding whether to stay or go then the other night whilst having this 'final' conversation I mentioned the possibility of adopting or even fostering children and he said he could maybe consider fostering.

I have always wanted children but I know there are plenty in the world already that need loving homes / help. I would be more than happy to look into this avenue but I'm not sure where to start.... and do you think this is a kind of olive branch on his part?

Is there any one out there who has been in this position ie, partner doesn't want children of his own but would consider fostering......

Talk about complicated!

tara747

inaminute, all I can say is... MEN!!!!!!!!!!