outside opinion required please - arguement with DS

bunty109

libbyc3 wrote: »

thanks for quick replies - wish DS would just see things like that - he is now prepared to cut off his nose to spite his face over this £15 - not paying me back for his bike insurance and generally causing a huge atmosphere in the house.
How is it that despite having so little contact with his father the last 10 years he is so much like him!?!

Well you won't be giving him anything from any back payments then!?

MrsTinks

libbyc3 wrote: »

thanks for quick replies - wish DS would just see things like that - he is now prepared to cut off his nose to spite his face over this £15 - not paying me back for his bike insurance and generally causing a huge atmosphere in the house.
How is it that despite having so little contact with his father the last 10 years he is so much like him!?!

Don't suppose you can cancel the insurance payments can you?
Obviously tell him you've done it - don't let him ride it uninsured! and if he's not in full time education present him with a monthly rent amount that he will have to pay going forward...

whitewing

I agree that it should be all your money. (But I can see why DS would be hurt about it).

You could let DS read some of the comments on here. He could then get you to put his viewpoint across.

Taye

I would tell him fine, if he wants half "no problem" ... you will give him exactly half £235.

However as he now has an "income" and as at 15 he is old enough to work he will be expected to pay keep this keep will be EXACTLY 1/3 of the cost of running the house. (which i expect is a damn site more than £235)

So sadly as the money coming in is Less than his Contribution to the house you will be keeping the full £235 as way of part payment and will be keeping a tally of how much else he owes for him to payback at a later date.. oh and all Extras "sky tv" "bikes" etc etc will be withheld untill he's paying his full share of the bills?!

naturally i don't expect you to REALLY charge him but i might make him realise exactly how much he costs to feed and clothe.

Valli

Think I would be tempted to tell him to go and find his own place to live and see how much THAT costs him.
Ungrateful little ********** (insert your own word)
The money is owed to you - ten years you have been keeping those kids.

libbyc3

when i told them they would have a 3rd, i explained that this is because i have never been able to afford to put any saving away for them.
The father ( i actually refer to him as the sperm donor!) put the £100 into my account before he was told by the CSA exactly how much they would be taking from his wages - hence the phone call to DS saying it was pocket money. now he knows that £470 will come out of his wages, there definatley won't be any more pocket money! he has already stated his intention to go on income support rather than pay.

January20

Outrageous! You're son's behaviour is completely outrageous!

Perhaps you could tell him that if he wants half of the money, then you will have to charge him for rent and food. Show him the bills and how much he would have to pay (1/3 of them) and tell him he will have to make his own food and wash and iron his own clothes. you will treat him as a lodger.

that money is yours - all yours!

libbyc3

i think a loat of ds attitude stem from the fact that i have moved on with my life and am happy and settled. the sperm donor however has never settled, had a businness in sweden that i don't know what happened to, not held on to a relationship for more than few months and still holds a grudge. maybe DS compares our current lives and his sympathies lie with his father.
DD attitude is one of- we all have choices in life
don't know how this will end but DS is extremely angry and not willing to listen to any reason

melorablack

libbyc3 wrote: »

The father ( i actually refer to him as the sperm donor!) .

Wow that's my dad's name too! :rotfl: There's a lot of them about!

whitewing

I don't actually think it is very kind to refer to your son's father as the sperm donor (even if he is far less than perfect). No wonder DS is upset, especially if all his bad points are inherited from his father. You don't sound that happy, and for your children's sake I think you may need to calm down a bit over the matter.

I still think that the money's yours though.