outside opinion required please - arguement with DS

Valli

Taye wrote: »

Sometimes to be a good parent we need to be the bad guy!

Absolutely Taye...

kids who get gven in to expect everything to come so easily in life - they are going to have a massive shock when they are paying for their own upkeep.

When my ex was paying me minimum maintenance I stopped my kids pocket money for a while (and I am talking £25 per week for two teens). (I get £56 now - untold riches :rotfl:)
My DD had NO problems - she asked for money for her birthday and it lasted her months because she didn't fritter it away on rubbish.

DS is a whole different kettle of fish though!

belfastgirl23

First things first, I do think your son has a point about the £100 in one way. If his father told him it was pocket money and that has always gone directly to them then fair enough. For the sake of £30 unless you really really need it, I would actually give in on this. I know people will say you should stick to your guns, but in order to indicate to him that you are listening to him, it would be worth it. I would make it clear to him though that his father changed his mind about the intention of the money and that's why you have given it to him and that it is a result of you thinking carefully about his points, not his bullying approach. I think at this point if you are worried about him leaving to live with his dad, de-escalating is important.

Once the dust has settled a bit, I do think you need to talk to him properly about money. And about how it is reasonable that you should expect maintenance from their father. I'm not sure how your finances go but if you are working and all of your money is going towards supporting the household, it's worth pointing that out in no uncertain way and making it clear that his father keeps all of his own money. If you're on benefits then you need to explain to him the struggle you've had in terms of affording stuff. But you can't do that now when things are all fraught, you need to pick your time.

I know you feel you're in the right and frankly I do agree. But sometimes with teenagers it's important to be seen to understand their point of view. If he's getting all that from his dad and feels he isn't getting it at all from you then that isn't good news.

And good luck!

zita

Whatever you do DO NOT back down. You have been providing for your children for years on your own so you are more than entitled to the money. Dont feel bad because your son is angry...he is a teenager he will get over it.

libbyc3

thanks for everyones opinions - given me much food for thought.
when I first split with the father I was on benefits, though not for long, then spent years working 3 jobs, every hour to make ends meet. Now however, am with new partner, have had 2 more kids and things are good. As a family were all trotting along happily and by no means flush but all bills are paid on time.
Of course kids live in the here and now and DS has probably forgotten all the times he had to come to cleaning jobs with me, or had to play in the corner while I was at work because i had no childcare and I certainly made sure both kids were as unaware of money issues as possible as i didn't think it was fair to them.
The father has made nothing of his life, still skint and concentrating on where the next beer comes from so DS sees this and decides I am better off so obviously don't need the money as much as he does.
Lets not forget - I'm not actually going to see any of the maintanence arrears anyway so the £15 causing the whole issue with DS is entirely all about principle.