Christening when you don't believe in God??!!

bestpud

This is something that has always interested me too!

I'm not sure I believe in God myself (for various reasons I won't go into).

However, I know religion helped my nan enormously in her later years, so it has a 'place' as far as I am concerned. I just struggle with it myself.

I was never christened but I was entered into the Baptist Church as someone else has said on here.

My granddad always said being a Christian was about the way we lead our lives and the way we treat others, and going to church is no indicator of a person's belief.

Anyway, we were not married in a church but we did have our eldest child christened.

I can't really say why we made that decision, even though I've thought about it lots of times!

I think it was just the 'done' thing tbh and I didn't really think beyond that. We didn't have either daughter christened.

My dad insisted we should have our eldest daughter christened because it was a good excuse for a family p1$$ up and my mil said it was a shame not to as dd would miss out on all the gifts. :rolleyes:

It was those two comments which made the decision for me!

I was unexpectedly a Godmother for my niece though (it was a hurried christening as she'd been very ill and I didn't actually find out until I arrived at the church!) It was a dilemma for me at the time because I was close to my niece and I believe my values are sound iyswim.

I was very concerned about standing and promising things I had no intention of doing though. So, I asked the vicar if we could have a talk and she was actually fine with it. I told her how I feel about religion and she was fine with me missing out certain parts of the ceremony.

Since then I've known several people have their children hastily christened to get into a certain school and I feel very uncomfortable with it tbh.

One parent actually turned up with just one friend (the Godmother) and was horrified when asked if they wanted to take a photograph! It was so insignificant to her she'd not even considered taking a photo of the 'occasion' but feared they suspected what she was up to because she didn't have one so made up some excuse!!

That was long but I guess I am suggesting there are many things influencing a persons decision to marry in church or have their children christened and I'm not sure many people would know why they consider it 'necessary'.

I think it is just the 'done' thing for many and goes without question. I think that is why many see it as a 'right' too - the concept of religion doesn't really come into it any more...?

Newly_retired

I live in the north and I guess there are still a few families who think it is the done thing to have a child christened but I don't think that is necessarily a northern thing, rather it depends on family background and tradition.
In my experience of over 40 yrs churchgoing in the north, it seems that christenings and church weddings are much less popular now as there are now good alternatives available, which prevent hypocrisy. Beautiful buildings are now licensed for marriages ( "for the photos") and naming ceremonies are also on offer. Both of these can be totally secular and that is surely the right thing for those who are not Christians.
Some churches offer a naming and blessing ceremony, within the context of a church service ( i.e.no water is used ) which suits some churches who do not want to share in falsely made promises by non-believers, and suits some parents who appreciate the opportunity to have their child welcomed into the church family and have a special occasion without making promises they don't mean.
For Christian families there is still the ( rare) delightful occasion when all the promises are meant and the whole church family celebrates with them. For others who are still not sure, it can be a time when they start coming to church and may continue if there is a good welcome, support from mums and tots' groups etc. My daughter got married in church but only started attending again when she was pregnant. She had her baby baptised and was invited to a house group with other young mums. Later she went to an Alpha course and renewed her faith and was confirmed - something she had not pursued as a teenager. Admittedly the claims of family, friends, leisure activities, sport etc mean she doesn't go to church all that often at present but she would say God is still fundamentally important to her in her life.

skintchick

mspig wrote: »

I'm not religious and i didn't get married in a church, but i did get my two older children christened at a church|(CofE) youngest has been too ill to be christened up to now.
I decided that as i was christened and am Cofe and so is my OH that we wanted the children to be the same religion(and as someone stated we didn't do it for presents as we asked for no gifts and only invited close relatives).

The reverand at the church has no issues with none church going people having their children christened as he states himself that you don't have to go to church to speak to god, and for those that don't believe, even though you may not believe doesnt stop god watching over you.

If you're not religious, how can the children be considered the 'same religion' as you?

WolfSong2000

Lots of interesting discussion here, which is good . Christianity fascinates me, but I'm still an agnostic. My parents sent me to sunday school as a small child, but I got kicked out (can't remember why...presumably for asking too many questions. lol). I then took Religious Studies as an A-Level (purely out of curiosity) and had a wonderful, wonderful teacher who was a Baptist Minsiter...lovely woman, and we had many interesting discussions...she spent 2 years seemingly hell-bent on trying to convert me, but we still got on well together.

I think the problem with Christianity nowadays is people don't understand it, or the history surrounding it...for instance the Bible clearly states that if you die, you don't go straight to heaven (or hell). You sit in the ground until judgement day, etc, etc...also there's no real evidence that you will be re-united with loved ones, as again Jesus clearly states that there is no "family" or "relations" in heaven. Heaven basically consists of worshipping God for all eternity.

As for the physical, historical history of marriage, some of you would I think be appalled by early medieval practices. lol. Getting married back in the day consisted of getting horribly drunk (usually with the vicar), then getting a quick blessing (while drunk) either on church steps or in the church, then going back to drinking. Things only became more "sombre" when the State intervened in the 17th century. Also, getting married in church isn't technically the actual marriage - it's merely official confirmation of it. If you're going to be technical about it, the first time you have sex with your partner, you're married. This was taken very seriously, as it was assumed that if a woman had sex with a man she was married to him, but obviously a lot of men would sleep with women and then claim they hadn't...this led to pregnant, unmarried women who the State had to support, hence the State's intervention in the marriage process.

So yeah...the joys of doing a Uni course on sexual deviance in the middle ages, eh? lol. Still, makes for interesting reading!

emlou2009

can i just say to all the people that have said that people only get their children christened to get presents and have a party, that in my experience christening presents are keepsakes or things for the baby, and while nobody in my family bar one are particularly religious, christenings are the only time in my whole lifetime i can actually remember my whole family being gathered together. that, IMO, is more than a good enough reason to have them. family is 1000000x more important than religion.

ladylumps45

i have 2 children of 12 yrs and 11 months.i havent had either of them christened and i dont intend to .my opinion is that i dont believe in god so i would not be a hypocrite and have them christened as i feel its forcing it upon them when they have no choice.
if they wish to be christened when they get older thats fine as they can choose for theirselves .i was christened as a child and i was too young so i had no choice.
my sister didnt believe in god but got married in a church ,wheres the sense in that.very hypocitical i think! thats just my opinion.

mountainlioness

two-for-one - am totally with you on this one. Same as when ppl get married in church for the nice piccies and to keep rellies happy. just can't get how ppl can promise things that they don't believe in - and at the most important times of your life, getting married and having a kid. Can't quite see the point in having such important ceremonies based on pretence - not the best start really!

Find the idea that you wouldn't feel 'properly married' if you didn't do it in a church completely bizarre - why would it be more 'proper' to just parrot things I don't believe rather than writing my own vows and meaning every word?!

We had a humanist wedding - there was absolutely no way I'd get married in a church - and DH;s grandmother who has refused in the past to go to anyone's wedding that wasn't in church, said it was the most meaningful and moving ceremony she'd been to. We've got a little one on the way she'll probably have a humanist naming ceremony, or just a party!

mountainlioness

Forgot to say that I agree with those who were saying it's up to the children to find their own way and choose what they will believe in... I hate the idea of parents telling them what is 'true' when actually it's just 'what we believe to be true'. I won't tell our daughter there is no God, I'll say we personally don't believe there's a god, and this why, and this is what some other people believe, make your own mind up, ask questions and never stop thinking and being curious about the world.

Can't say I'd understand it if she ended up being religious but I would respect it (in the sense of acknowledge her right to do so and not express disapproval of her choice as opposed to respect as in value and admire - there are plenty of relgious practices that don't deserve to be given respect. Just because they're religious practices we have to 'respect' them, apparently. Really? Read Christopher Hitchens on female genital mutilation or the spread of AIDS due to interventions and propaganda by Christian and Islamic religious leaders in Africa, or indeed the marital 'rape' legislation in Afghanistan)

The Baptist approach of only baptising adults is a good one in this sense - a baby can't make that decision. As Dawkins says, there's no such thing as a Christian, or Muslim, or Jewish child, but only children of Christian, or Muslim, or Jewish parents.

MadDogWoman_2

Hi,

My reasons for getting married in church.

1. Believer in a higher power, but work getting in the way of going regularly.
2. Felt that lost relatives (DH parents, my grandparents and uncle) could be there in spirit, especially poinent as I lost 1 grandparent 3 weeks before the wedding.

I did attend every week for the 6 months before my wedding and got to know the church and ministers quite well which made for a lovely service.

I started going again when I found out I was pregnant with a miracle baby (8 years of failed treatment, got pg naturally after stopping!)

DD was baptised at 10 weeks old, is known to all the regulars who have loved watching her grow from a newborn to the 2 year old bundle of energy she is now.

Also I'm finally beginning to make friends in an area where I've lived for 13 years but due to full-time work haven't had the time or energy to do.

MDW

LouBlue

Some interesting answers here, seems the most popular one from non-religious people being 'seen to be the done thing' or 'pressure from relatives.'