Christening when you don't believe in God??!!

milliebear00001

Hi there

This one is interesting to me as I am from parentage ('up North') one of whom is an atheist, the other agnostic. I was christened myself in the 70s, as that was 'tradition', although interestingly, both my grandfathers refused to attend as they 'didn't do church'! I am an atheist myself and have chosen not to have either of my children christened, neither did I have a church wedding. Several of my friends have chosen to do both of these things despite not being regular church goers. I suspect (although I've not often asked outright) that this has a lot to do with expectation, tradition, the picturesque and romantic nature of 'church', and the excuse for a party! I also think for some, there is a true feeling of 'just in case' - how sure are you that they are athiest rather than agnostic - many people confuse the two?

If you do ask them (and I don't see why you shouldn't) make sure it's in the spirit of curiosity rather than judgement. It's likely they haven't given their decision a huge amount of spiritual or moral thought and you might just make them feel guilty about their decision!

gone4gold62

hi i had my children christened more to please the family than any thing else ,did any one else go to church to be churched after giving birth i did that also as it was believed that you weren't clean until you had been to thank god for a safe delivery ,!!!!!! was that all about:eek: suppose some traditions take longer to die than others ., i was the only one amongst my friends who did this ..and I'm only 47,had my first child at 17 though

Savvy_Sue

two-for-one wrote: »

What I can't get my head round is why on earth would they go to a church, go through the ceremony, take vows on behalf of their child when they obviously don't believe in any of it? Would it be rude of me to ask them?

I don't have time to read the whole thread, but personally I don't think it would be in the least bit rude! "I hope you don't mind me asking, but ..." Then if they DO mind you asking, they can say so ...

Plus, it may get them thinking, which can only be a good thing.

Savvy_Sue

gone4gold62 wrote: »

did any one else go to church to be churched after giving birth i did that also as it was believed that you weren't clean until you had been to thank god for a safe delivery ,!!!!!! was that all about:eek:

:eek: indeed, no, and I thought being churched had died out long before that.

However the 'being clean' thing is a throwback to the Old Testament, where any kind of discharge meant you were 'unclean' (and this included men having a discharge) and couldn't take part in religious ceremonies / worship. It did mean you didn't have to run yourself ragged during your periods, of course, because you couldn't prepare food either, IIRC. Sometimes I think that can't have been so bad! :rotfl:

seven-day-weekend

two-for-one wrote: »

My husband's son and his girlfriend have decided to get their baby christened.

What really baffles me is that neither of them believe in God, never attend church and have even stated that they are "atheists" on their facebook profile.

What I can't get my head round is why on earth would they go to a church, go through the ceremony, take vows on behalf of their child when they obviously don't believe in any of it? Would it be rude of me to ask them?

Myself, DH, and DD's are all regular church goers and I would like to get an idea as to why people would do this when they don't believe. When I asked DH, his reply was "that's what they do up North, it's tradition"??!!

I have noticed that a lot of people out there seem to do this, ie: hardly ever attend church, don't particularly believe in God, yet get their child christened.

They may not be quite as atheist as they think and are keeping their options open!

seven-day-weekend

My husband and I got married in a Registry Office as we were both non-believers at the time and it seemed hypocritical to do otherwise. Later when we had become Christians we had a church blessing. We had previously both been baptised by full immersion to demnstrate our commitment to God.

Our church did not do infant baptism as they subscribed to the doctrine that baptism was for believers who had made their own choice, so we didn't have our son christened. He did so by his own choice at the age of 13.

I actually do not understand why people who GENUINELY have no belief want to have their children christened.

Bitsy_Beans

I am an atheist and my H is a lasped catholic. I didn't want to get married in church and as such we had a lovely civil ceremony.
When it came to the birth of our son my H was keen to have him christened and I was not bothered. However I'd had the wedding ceremony I wanted so I felt it churlish to deny something that was important to my H so had him baptised. Our daughter will be baptised on her first birthday this July.
In the end i think people are hedging their bets just in case.

mum26

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

:eek: indeed, no, and I thought being churched had died out long before that.

However the 'being clean' thing is a throwback to the Old Testament, where any kind of discharge meant you were 'unclean' (and this included men having a discharge) and couldn't take part in religious ceremonies / worship. It did mean you didn't have to run yourself ragged during your periods, of course, because you couldn't prepare food either, IIRC. Sometimes I think that can't have been so bad! :rotfl:

Would be nice to get a break every few weeks :beer: There is a novel I love called "The Red Tent" by Anita Diamant based on the old testament stories but looking at them from the female view - specifically Dinah's, it is brilliant.

I am another who thinks it is hypocritical to get married in church or have children christened if you don't believe. I am not religious and no way could I stand up in church and make those promises feeling as I do, the whole marriage would be based on a lie!

My dad turned down being godparent to his close friends daughter because he didn't want to be a hypocrite.

jellyhead

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Me too.

My sister is getting married this year and has suddenly decided to do it in Church. She is not religious and has not been Christened (which apparently is fine with the Vicar, contrary to my thinking.) I am livid, but as a Christian myself (albeit one whom did not get married in Church) I am struggling with the anger and what could be viewed as judgmental feelings, since I think it's hypocritical.

I have tried to explain that it is a three way marriage with God and do they really understand what a Church wedding is, which clearly they don't, but along with most people I have since realised, who really do not give it the serious thought it requires.

Their reasoning is that it would feel more like a marriage and they like Church weddings. My non-religious parents can't begin to understand why I am so angry about it. But having had my sister tell me she is Atheist/Agnostic (it changes) in the past, this has shocked me to the core, to say the least. I feel like I don't know her anymore and can't think about the wedding without being filled with angst and fury. I just can't help my feelings, despite wishing her a lovely day and happy marriage. And knowing I should not judge her. It's not good. But strangely I have reached some sort of peace about it posting this and reading this thread; I will bite my tongue from now on. It's her business. I do know that, just struggled with feelings I knew I shouldn't have.

In a way I suppose you could be happy that this wedding will bring her closer to the church, even if temporarily, and then there's always the chance that she'll consider christianity in the future, or turn to the church if she's in trouble. Maybe she'll find the service/hymns meaningful.

I can see why the church doesn't turn away non-believers wanting a church wedding - it would be rude to refuse them, and before the wedding I think there's religious instruction where they are told about christianity and what it means. It's an opportunity for the church to include non-believers and perhaps make an impression on them.

Does that make sense? I've got a headache.

Lunar_Eclipse

jellyhead wrote: »

Does that make sense? I've got a headache.

Yes thanks.

The process for getting married also seems a little short. They 'only' have to meet the vicar briefly twice. He knows neither of them have been Christened and don't go to Church but is happy to marry to them.

But you're right that it could be a good thing in the long run. It would appear my sister has reached a stage in her life when she's starting to ask lots of questions. This can only be a good thing, although I'm wondering what on Earth will happen when she has children, the usual time for such dilemnas!

Oh and having booked the Church only two weeks ago, the roof caved in last week so has been closed!