Christening when you don't believe in God??!!

seven-day-weekend

Very true Margaret and in fact several of my atheist anti-religion relatives were very cool with me for years when I decided to become a Christian - they considered I had 'sold out'.

twinklyrach

margaretclare wrote: »

This is really the crux of the problem and I think that is why the OP started this thread, about Christian baptism. In Christianity, because we welcome a baby by this ceremony, water on the head, adults must make a commitment to help the child as he/she grows up. If they hold different beliefs then they cannot do that, and should not be required to say they will do something that they know they can't do. The ceremony of Confirmation in the teens is meant to confirm that the young person knows what he/she believes and is willing to keep to the faith in which his/her parents and godparents introduced him/her. But ultimately, in Christianity we believe that it is down to the person as an individual, and sometimes true faith doesn't come in the teenage years but much later.

There are religions which don't look on it like that at all. You are born into it and you can't leave. In Christian traditions you have the choice, have your baby baptised, or not. Could you imagine, for instance, Jewish parents making this choice about a baby boy at 8 days old? Can you imagine them saying similar things that we have read in this thread? 'I was brought up to....but I don't believe...I don't think I should have to lie....it's only an occasion for a party and presents....and so on'. The ceremony at 8 days is not just a small amount of warm water on the baby's head, but some now see it as a deliberate mutilation to which they would prefer not to have been subjected.

A large number of DH's cousins refuse to speak to him because he left the religion in which he was brought up, and he demonstrated this, in their eyes, by, as they put it 'he married out'.

You raise some very good points here.

Confession time, if you excuse the pun. Despite the fact that we were married in a CofE church, any children that we are lucky enough to have will be... drum roll please... baptised Catholic. And there are several reasons for this. Husband is RC, and it's important to him that our children are baptised and attend their first communion - if they choose to be confirmed after that, yay; if not, yay to that too.

And I have no problem with this because, last time I checked our marriage involved compromise, and it's important enough to him for me to agree to it. There would be no point in baptising our children CofE - my family don't attend church and cannot provide religious support or guidance should our children decide they want it. Husband's family, by contrast, do attend church and can provide what I can't.

I am open about my lack of faith and will continue to be so. If it comes down to it, I will not stand up with my husband at a christening ceremony. I'm not going to stand up and lie, especially as I am not now nor to I intend to become Catholic. However, it is important to me that our children have the choice and that it is their decision to make. I will explain fully my reasons for agnosticism and, if they disagree, that's totally fine.

I like my interfaith marriage

ladylumps45

my sister who got married in a church just to have the" big wedding" also had her 2 children christened.she never went to church for years and years(she.she is 38 now) and has in my eyes turned to the church now.i have no idea why but she knows how i feel about there being a god and tries to push it on me.im really not interested and i come up with lots of questions which she honestly cant answer.
she puts the church and all its activities before all her family and its taken over her life completely to a point where i think shes been brainwashed with the crap she comes out with!!
its shoved down her childrens necks even though they sometimes dont want to go.
when i was pregnant she came to my first scan with me and had to leave half way through as the church "needed" her :mad::mad:. i found this really upsetting and hurtful that church and so called god came before her unborn niece.she also treats my dad like dirt yet thinks shes a holier than thou great christian.i thought that christians were supposed to be decent people but throughout my life i have sometimes found that this certainly isnt always true.

carolineb23

shelly wrote: »

Hubby and I don't go to church but we got married in one because I personally wouldn't have felt properly married if we had got married somewhere other than a church.
Does that make sense? I can't really explain it.

But why not? If you aren't religious what difference does it really make?
Obviously I'm not properly married then, but I personally didn't feel like I could stand there and blatantly lie to everyone just for some nice photos.

Savvy_Sue

oompahloompah wrote: »

If I could go back in time, I would "unchristen" DS1.

I am not sure that you can unchristen him, but when he reaches years of discretion he can renounce his baptism himself, should he so wish. See here, I admit it's a biased link but it gives a link to the National Seculary Society too.

shelly

carolineb23 wrote: »

But why not? If you aren't religious what difference does it really make?
Obviously I'm not properly married then, but I personally didn't feel like I could stand there and blatantly lie to everyone just for some nice photos.

As I said I can't really explain it, its just a feeling I have. Maybe that feeling means I have faith or belief? I don't know.
I think some of it comes from when I was growing up, every single wedding was in a church. There weren't the places to get married like there is today so I feel a church is 'the' place to be married in.
And I didn't say people who don't get married in church aren't properly married, just that personally that's how I felt.
Also Hubby and I didn't lie to anyone when we took our vows. The only promises that were made by us were to eachother.


I feel that being a Christian (which is what this debate is centred on) is more than attending a church.

jellyhead

emlou2009 wrote: »

christenings are the only time in my whole lifetime i can actually remember my whole family being gathered together. that, IMO, is more than a good enough reason to have them. family is 1000000x more important than religion.

It's great to have the whole family gathered together, to see relatives who live in other countries etc. whose babies you have only seen photos of - but there are alternatives to church. Weddings and baby celebrations don't have to be in church. You can hold them elsewhere and still have the party.

My non-church wedding couldn't have been better and I don't understand why people who don't believe in God would think a church wedding was best. Why?

margaretclare

jellyhead wrote: »

I'd always thought that wouldn't happen to a child, but don't quote me on it. My church didn't have limbo, but surely children are innocent in the eyes of god?

I don't think anyone believes that any more, and yes, an innocent child is as innocent as anything that can be imagined.

margaretclare

surreysaver wrote: »

Hospitals and nurses should keep away from this religion stuff.

It comes under the heading of 'care of the whole person' - holistic - care of body, mind and spirit. There sometimes comes a time when everything is/has been done for the patient as far as modern technology and medical expertise can do, and that's when care of the other parts of a person - mind and spirit - comes in. In my former career in nursing and midwifery I have often phoned the hospital chaplain - after asking if that's what people would like - and I have quite often been thanked for the suggestion.

margaretclare

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I am not sure that you can unchristen him, but when he reaches years of discretion he can renounce his baptism himself, should he so wish. See here, I admit it's a biased link but it gives a link to the National Secular Society too.

Anyone can believe anything when they are adult enough to do so. A sprinkling of water when you're a baby doesn't really do you any harm, especially if it is warm water poured into the font from a kettle, as it was at a baptism ceremony DH and I attended.

Spare a thought for someone who went through the Jewish ceremony of circumcision which, at 8 days, could be considered to be similar to Christian baptism of a baby.

No chance that a grown man can 'un-circumcise' himself!