broody

myothercarisaferrari

Hi all, I just wanted to update you all.

OH and I are working things out. We had a huuuge row and i got a lot of things of my chest - as did he (and he went to live with his mum for a few days too, which helped!!)

We are spending more time together doing fun (MSE) stuff - taking the dog out for long walks, planning things we want to do to the house next year, etc etc.

I am so much happier now and I have thrown myself into my job (I have a meeting with my manager tomorrow about another role in my department!) and am spending time with my friends as well, rather than focusing on what may/may not happen in the future.

thanks guys xxx

Shoshannah

When I last went to renew my Pill prescription, it became apparant that I had unwittingly booked the appointment to clash with the Baby Clinic.

It was difficult not to just walk out of the surgery without the prescription! :rotfl:

Gavin83

Im glad you have chosen to sort your relationship out, hopefully you'll both be a little happier now you know where you both stand.

I hope to offer a bit of a male perspective on this and I am around the same age as your boyfriend so we probably have similar opinions on issues such as this.

Men and women seem to differ a lot on commitment issues. Women want to settle down, get married and have children as quickly as possible while men are generally a little more laid back. Im not sure why women want to do these things as quickly as possible, maybe it's the biological clock ticking, maybe they feel their man is more likely to leave them if they're not married, etc. I think both partners really need to understand the others viewpoint on this for it to not be such an issue.

I had a similar issue with my girlfriend. I told her I wanted to get married one day but didn't want children. She wanted specific dates and frankly I didn't want to give them to her. It wasn't because I wasn't thinking about our future together, I just didn't want to commit to something I wasn't ready to do and frankly if it got to the date I said and I still wasn't ready one of us would have been very unhappy.

Eventually it came to a head and I ended our relationship mainly because of this issue. I just wasn't enjoying it anymore because of the pressure I was receiving in giving her dates by which we were going to do things. As we're not going to have children this wasn't an issue but this would complicate things further for those who do. It wasn't a case of me not loving her, I just didn't want to be so concrete on issues and preferred to wait until we were ready and our arguments just showed me we were after different things.

Anyway, we met up a week later and after a long discussion we decided to give things another go. She told me what she wanted from our relationship and I did the same. We agreed to take things a little easier and not stress so much about our future and so far we've been amazing, we're both really happy and the relationship is so much better when your enjoying it today rather than worrying about whats gonna happen tomorrow.

I already think he's shown a fair amount of commitment by living with you, and presuming your happy with other aspects of the relationship it seems a shame to end it over something so trivial. As long as you establish you both want the same things at some point in the future then just try and enjoy what you've got and wait for the other bits to come along. If your sure it's meant to be it's no rush, you've got your whole life ahead of you.

Good luck.

BallandChain

It's good that it worked for you Gavin but like you say having children in your relationship wasn't an issue. Wanting children is an issue in the OP's case and not something that I would class as "trivial."

myothercarisaferrari

Thanks Gavin

We have spoken at length about having children and I know in my heart of hearts it isnt practical - moneywise to say the least.

I've got other things to focus on and they have definitely taken my mind off things :-) x

Gavin83

BallandChain wrote: »

It's good that it worked for you Gavin but like you say having children in your relationship wasn't an issue. Wanting children is an issue in the OP's case and not something that I would class as "trivial."

I wasn't suggesting that wanting kids was trivial, but the OP's other half hasn't suggested he doesn't want kids, just doesn't know when. Its more the uncertainty I regard as trivial, as long as she knows they're on the same page in regards to their future wants I really don't see why it's worth ending the relationship over. If there are other problems then it's a different issue entirely but the OP obviously cares enough for the relationship to continue. I really don't feel putting timelines on a relationship is healthy and I'd certainly be out of a relationship like a shot if my girlfriend was asking in how many years we'd have children. Relationships are meant to be fun, not about stressing when you'll reach certain events by.