broody

Pee

Lack of commitment is a good enough reason to leave someone and move on. Not being able to afford to... hmm. Realistically how long would it take you to save the £1200? A year? Six months? How about you save and when you get to that point, you reconsider. Has your OH given you any more sign of his commitment, esp when not under pressure.

Are you sure that you wouldn't regret it if you ended up in a relationship with someone else who was unready to commit/ didn't want to have children/ didn't have much money?

myothercarisaferrari

but now I have spoken to him I see his point of things.
I am basically trying to push him into something that he doesnt want yet. I dont think its necessarily a lack of commitment from him. Its more me pushing for a timeframe of things of things i want which I think realistically is very unfair of me.

There are other things in the relationship that make me unhappy and i do think it will come to end very soon. I am not in a position to move out at the moment due to bills etc. I physically have nowhere else to go (no friends or family near me) so I am just going to have to put up with it for now.

jellyhead

Maybe his mum would lend you the money lol!

Best wishes with whatever you decide. If there weren't any other problems I would probably say wait 6-12 months before deciding (save the £1200 up perhaps) but if you're not sure that this is the perfect relationship then perhaps deep down that's why you're questioning things now?

myothercarisaferrari

I'll prob wait until we've had our hol in Oct, get Xmas out the way and stuff then move on.
I have accepted that he cant give me an answer but it doesnt stop me gazing at my friends' babies without longing or getting jealous about talk of weddings! x

Pee

Are the other things in the relationship that are wrong something that could change or not? I'm getting the impression that you want a baby, probably not with this man... Is that fair or am I misinterpreting?

Dinah93

myothercarisaferrari wrote: »

but now I have spoken to him I see his point of things.
I am basically trying to push him into something that he doesnt want yet. I dont think its necessarily a lack of commitment from him. Its more me pushing for a timeframe of things of things i want which I think realistically is very unfair of me.

There are other things in the relationship that make me unhappy and i do think it will come to end very soon. I am not in a position to move out at the moment due to bills etc. I physically have nowhere else to go (no friends or family near me) so I am just going to have to put up with it for now.

I can't believe you could wait until after Christmas whent the relationship makes you unhappy, all that time you could be meeting Mr Right. I met my Mr Right 11 months ago, he's made it very clear a propossal is nearby (wish he hadn't actually, I like a good suprise! Although I was so suprised the first time he did it I laughed and turned him down thinking it was a joke!) and he has also outlined a clear plan of how he sees us going ie when married, when we start trying for kids etc. Asking for a timescale and where this is going is by no means unfair of you and its heartbreaking he's made you think it is, he has all this power over you and yet you think its your fault for being pushy.

As you say, you're not asking for these things today, only to know where it is going, I don't see that that is pushy, you're just asking if he can see a future.

When I left my ex I knew I was taking a big loss financially. He owed me over £2000, and the rent had to go on the credit card the first 2 months so I could live without him, but I felt like a new person, and I don't regret taking on that debt for an instant, because my happiness was worth more than that. A year later I've cleared all the debt anyway, and if I hadn't left when I did I wouldn't be with such an amazing man now, hence why I would never say there is going to be a convenient time to leave, as all the time you wait life is going to be passing you by.

moiramber

Hiya

Just had a read through your post, What a pants situation! I'd say if there's any doubt about your future together then its not right. Also better to make the break now rather than in a few years, in that time you could meet someone who wants all the same things as you and could make you very happy! Wether time is right or not i'd say do what you need to do, I left my x, left the house everything, took only my clothes and went back to live with my parents, it wasn't easy but it was the best thing I ever did!!! Less than two and a half years later I am living with a wonderful man who i'm engaged to and we have a 4 month old baby! Life can change surprisingly fast, Don't let anyone hold you back

myothercarisaferrari

thanks guys

I get what you are saying but I'm in a situation where I have no where else to go - I don't see my dad and my mum lives 4 hours away and the majority of my friends live 50 miles away from where I work so I literally have no where to go. if I did, I would go.

If we split up living in the same house is not practical as its a small one bed house so we cant even have separate bedrooms. He won't go back to his parents either so its a no win situation for me.

kindofagilr

roxalana wrote: »

May I ask how old you are?

I have been broody since I was 21 (I am 27 now) and it is very hard.

Like dj, I have been trying to make things in my life closer to the ideal for having children, but realise there will never be a right time.

I hope to start trying in the next 18months.

It becomes harder as your peers all begin having children. My partner is 30 now and there is no way he would have been able to cope with the concept of being a dad at 24!

I am exactly the same as you, I have been broody for as long as I can remember, I am 27 now (28 in July) and OH and I have just bought our own house, we are engaged and are going to start trying for a baby once we return off holiday in July

Although I have wanted babies my whole life, its now that I feel really ready, there is no way my OH would have been ready at 24 either.

Obv the main thing is getting OH on board, who cares what his mam thinks, OH's mam wil prbs disapprove as we arent married yet

But I want the big white wedding which we have priced for everything we want and it will be 10k so I would rather have kids now and save for a wedding.

sharnad

Im getting really broody im 30 now and about the only person left I know who doesnt have one all friend and family growing up ad the girls at work have kids now and all the kids are so adorable

Unfortunatly my fiance doesnt want a child and I love my fiance more than I would love a child so far