broody

myothercarisaferrari

Thanks guys. Well he wasnt in last night when I got home from work and I went out with friends so I never saw him.
Saw him this morning and it was a bit frosty.

Nearlyrich, I agree with what you are saying -I dont want marriage and babies now, but I do over the next few years. He knew this from the start of our relationship and he knew this when we bought our house together last year. It was one of the conditions of buying our house together.
The thing that hurt me the most was the fact he has his career planned out which is fantastic, but he couldnt give me an idea of where he wanted our relationship to go.
He could have said - in five years time, I want us to have no debt, flash sports cars and 5 holidays a year and i would have been happy with that. He could have said I want us to be engaged/married/thinking about children and I would have been happy with that.

It was the 'I don't know, I dont think that far ahead' that threw me.

I cant sit around waiting for him to make his mind up whether he wants a future with me or not and I think it is very selfish of him if he expects me to.

No, he never asked what I wanted but he knows what I want from the relationship or at least what i want to to happen at some point.

lilmissmup

If anyone is feeling broody but hasn't got anyone to talk too there is a great website called babyandbump.com which is a forum with a waiting to try section for people wanting to try but not yet, I am a member and the girls are great there.

I want one now (am 25 in july so a good age i feel) and my OH who is now 30 doesn't want one yet, we are hoping to buy our own home first and i do agree this is the sensible idea but when your broody sensible is hard esp when your friends start having babies

I hope you and your OH come to a decision on your future (hug)

sillylittlejill

lilmissmup I'm on there Brilliant girls, love them all

You should come on Myothercarisaferrari, we are all nice and there are a few of us in similar situations.

hope to speak to you on there soon

xxx

Dinah93

It's really hard to walk away from a relationship when you get on just fine but have different priorities. It's damn near impossible to admit to yourself that after so long something isn't working (and I'm a prime example of that, I stayed with an abusive man for nearly 3 years as I didn't want to 'waste' that time, eventually I saw the real waste would be if I didn't get anything I wanted out of the rest of my life). If you stay with him you're going to be posting this same post in 5 years, because he still can't decide, and you still want a family. You can't expect him to stick to the deal you made when you bought the house, as he'll just keep saying he's not ready, and you'd be very unhappy in the long run if he felt forced into anything.

Sorry you feel so awful hon, stay strong, and feel free to pm if you need a virtual hand to hold.

myothercarisaferrari

thank you Dinah;)

I'm sorry for waffling at you all, I find it difficult to talk to my friends about it.

He still hasnt spoken to me about it and I've tried last night and this morning, but he just starts sulking and goes upstairs or ignores me.

i am going to sit him down tonight again and if he doesnt listen or does any of the above, i will call time on it. I am so tired of it

djdymond

hiya i think your doing the right thing. before hubby come along i was in a relationship for 4 years and knew 18 months in it wasnt right but i stayed with him, although thats ebcause he wouldnt let me go and convinced me it would work. i knew we would never get married etc, the whole situation was so wrong... next thing you know, i met hubby, knew he was the one and got rid of the ex. and everything has been so right. i knew from day one everything would work out and that we wanted the same things. yes he needed convincing we were ready for kids! but i think most men do.. they worry about the whole am i old enough can i afford it thing.. but obviously this is more to do with your relationship now. to be honest it doesnt sound like hes thought that far in the future relationship wise which may be understandable if you had not been together long but after a while, u want to know where you stand and if they dont want the same things, you have to move on. like simon cowells ex. if you dont want the same things, theres no point wasting time trying to talk them round.

keep us updated hun! xxxx

myothercarisaferrari

Well I tried to end it last night. he told me he was telling me the truth - he does see us together in years to come but whether that is marriage etc or not he cannot tell at me at the moment. he asked me if he wanted him to lie to me and tell me the things I wanted to hear.
Sooooooo confused now x

jellyhead

You've bought a house together - that's a big commitment and suggests he thinks you'll stay together.

A lot of men/boys I've known are scared of the M word because it seems to automatically lead to pressure about babies.

I had a baby at 24 but it was unplanned and I felt like I was very young. I couldn't imagine my brothers settling down at such a young age. My youngest brother ended a 3-year relationship when he was 25 because she wanted marriage and babies and he didn't. 3 years later he's still not ready to settle down. My eldest brother was heartbroken when he split with his long term girlfriend, but she wanted marriage and babies within 5 years (she actually said this to him) and he didn't - he could imagine it in his 30's but certainly not in his 20's.

My eldest brother is thinking of settling down now, but before he turned 30 he didn't want to be with any girl who suggested it.

My middle brother married at 28 and had a honeymoon baby. He lived with his girlfriend for years, they bought a house together but the marriage bit he just wouldn't do until he was ready for a baby. I don't think she was ready either though, so it wasn't a problem.

If your boyfriend is anything like my brothers then he might just think 24 is far too young to even think about babies, so any 'pressure' to talk about marriage, timescales, deadlines scares him and he wants to ignore the whole subject.

I don't want to sound unsympathetic to your situation though - I was incredibly broody at 30, it was like a physical ache. It took 3 years to get pregnant.

Dinah93

You want to be married and have kids, he seems to only be able to see the situation as it is now, would you be happy with that still being the way things are in 5 years? Personally I don't think this man is going to give you what you want, and the fact that you decided quite quickly that it wasn't right and to end it suggests there are a lot more things in the relationship you don't want to have to spend years more with than just a lack of commitment.

myothercarisaferrari

Dinah, I dont want that now - in a few years maybe but I get what you are saying.

It is very difficult but I am going to concentrate on myself and saving some money so I can move out. Its not a viable option at the moment (its going to cost £1200 at least and I just dont have this).