broody

inaminute

I think the OP posted on my thread and from your comment I sort of know where you're coming from. I thought I would be married with children by the age of the 30, I have achieved neither!

In my opinion men or women won't change unless they want too (this is the crucial bit), if they don't want to change, then all the talking, crying, pleading won't work - trust me! When it comes to relationships I agree these things aren't easy as I'm currently in a dilema, should I stay or should I go however, I keep asking myself how I will feel in 1 year, 2 years and 5 years and would I be happy in the current situation I'm in.

One thing that may help you is to write your partner a letter. Some men don't like being put on the spot, or being forced to chat especially if its a difficult topic or not the 'right time'. So by writing him a letter and giving it to him when you know he has the time to sit and read it ie. when you're out with friends one night. You can express all your hopes and dreams regarding your relationship, allowing him time to absorb this, sit on his rock and decide how he really feels. Perhaps suggest he writes one back, its just a different way of expressing how you feel which is sometimes difficult to say face to face. It can at least be set as a starting point.

I'm not saying writing a letter is the right way or the best way but it just may help you by getting all your feelings down on paper. I did find that it helped me.

myothercarisaferrari

Well I asked the question last night....

me: where do you see us in two years?
him: dunno

me: ok, where do you see us in 5 years?

He then told me his career plans of where he wants to be in 5 years - management job, new car, big house etc. no mention of me. Career plans great - I asked about us and he said he didn't know. He said he doesnt think that far ahead.

Before I tell you how it went after that, if your OH of two years said that to you, what would you say/do?

Cissi

myothercarisaferrari wrote: »

Well I asked the question last night....

me: where do you see us in two years?
him: dunno

me: ok, where do you see us in 5 years?

He then told me his career plans of where he wants to be in 5 years - management job, new car, big house etc. no mention of me. Career plans great - I asked about us and he said he didn't know. He said he doesnt think that far ahead.

Before I tell you how it went after that, if your OH of two years said that to you, what would you say/do?

If I was on a different page, looking for a long-term relationship that was going somewhere? I'd end it. Now. Sorry if that's harsh, but I think you could otherwise end up wasting years of your life on something that doesn't last.

myothercarisaferrari

Its not harsh Cissi, its kind of what I am thinking to do. I went to bed in tears and he sat downstairs on his Playstation for two hours.
I got up for work this morning and he acted normal. I just kept quiet and he asked me what was wrong - I said I'm devastated over what you said last night, effectively your career comes first and I'm second. He denied saying it and said I was twisting his words.

I'd never ever get him to choose me over his job but the fact he thinks more about the future of his job than us is absolutely heartwrenching, I cant tell you.

I'm sat in work now trying not to cry xx

Swirlywurly

myothercarisaferrari wrote: »

Its not harsh Cissi, its kind of what I am thinking to do. I went to bed in tears and he sat downstairs on his Playstation for two hours.
I got up for work this morning and he acted normal. I just kept quiet and he asked me what was wrong - I said I'm devastated over what you said last night, effectively your career comes first and I'm second. He denied saying it and said I was twisting his words.

I'd never ever get him to choose me over his job but the fact he thinks more about the future of his job than us is absolutely heartwrenching, I cant tell you.

I'm sat in work now trying not to cry xx

It's horrible when you realise that someone wants different things from you, I know that feeling well. For me it was actually relief after four years that I finally knew where I stood, and although it was sad I was excited about moving on in my life and finding someone who shared the same values as me.

Ultimately you should be proud of yourself for broaching the subject and although it hurts now, at least you know that he will not give you what you need and you can make steps to make your life better.

I hope you have support around if you feel you need it.

poorly_scammo

myothercarisaferrari wrote: »

Its not harsh Cissi, its kind of what I am thinking to do. I went to bed in tears and he sat downstairs on his Playstation for two hours.
I got up for work this morning and he acted normal. I just kept quiet and he asked me what was wrong - I said I'm devastated over what you said last night, effectively your career comes first and I'm second. He denied saying it and said I was twisting his words.

I'd never ever get him to choose me over his job but the fact he thinks more about the future of his job than us is absolutely heartwrenching, I cant tell you.

I'm sat in work now trying not to cry xx

I sympathise completely with you. I had an inkling you might have problems in your relationship when you mentioned your OH's mother.

One of the many positives to come out of this is that you discovered how he feels now rather than in ten years time. You are still very young and although it hurts now, it does release you so that you can find someone who does put you first.

myothercarisaferrari

:othank you

I'm not sure what to do. Its his birthday Friday so I dont want to ruin it.

I'm still in bits, luckily on my own, but I'm devastated. He's been texting me like normal, what time are you home? etc

I cant believe my whole world has come crashing down thanks to a few comments

jenhug

It is not crashing down, its taking a different direction.
You want different things from life, so you need to make the break. He has made it clear what he wants, did he ask you what you want from life?

sillylittlejill

Oh hun, I hope that you make the decision that is right for you. As jenhug asked "did he ask what you want from life?"
I just don't want to see you in a relationship you aren't happy in. It's going to be a lot less painful (as difficult as it may seem right now) leaving him when you have given up another few years of your life to him and he hasn't changed his opinion about things.

The only reason I can deal with OH not being ready to get married and have a child in the next couple of years is because I am always in his future when he talks about it. I'm not trying to rub your face in it but want you to realise that I wouldn't be with OH if I wasn't involved in his future.

Much love and hugs for a difficult time.

xxx

nearlyrich

Men think differently than women, he was talking about where he wants to be in terms of material assets, OP thinking about emotions. I don't think he meant to hurt you but 24 is really young, and whilst I wouldn't interfere in my children's lovelife I hope they wait a bit before settling down and having children.