I dont want my family at my wedding!

Buddingblonde

Tell everyone the wedding is off, then go and get married and dont tell anyone - it can be your little secret (at least that is what a friend of mine did).

zztopgirl

poet123 wrote: »

As I said previously, I would keep my opinions to myself,but I would be very hurt. Especially, if as in some cases mentioned, the girls parents were attending. I have all boys so am destined to become the MIL, so often disparaged by posters.:eek:

If you want to know the circumstances, i will gladly pm you (would prefer not to post on open forum, pm me if you like) but it was most certainly not a case of my parents attended the wedding and the mil wasnt welcome, that could not be further from the truth.
I very clearly put in my op here that we intended to cancel/postpone until the in-laws could attend, and my parents told us to do what we wanted to do, and not to put our life on hold simply to please other people.

Yep some mothers-in-law are bad but some are brilliant, so dont be disheartened. Maybe my xmil was very hurt and upset that her first born had the destination wedding and no intention of inviting her, but it was no excuse for her behaviour towards me and my now xh.

Anyway, i have respect for those posting here who state they will not be interferring with their children's wedding plans, if only my mil could have done that. However this is not a mil-bashing thread and i have no intention of bashing my xmil anyway.

Snuggles

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

I don't find it hard to believe (quite frankly I can believe most things regarding family these days) BUT I admit I don't understand it.
I am not sure why you sound so narked at me, perhaps I am reading too much into the "tone" of your posts BUT I think we can agree to disgree and leave it at that.

Sorry Bitsy, not narked at you at all, just trying to explain my viewpoint! I've read my posts back and can't see why you would have taken anything I said personally, but if they have come across differently to how I intended, I apologise.

poet123

zztopgirl wrote: »

If you want to know the circumstances, i will gladly pm you (would prefer not to post on open forum, pm me if you like) but it was most certainly not a case of my parents attended the wedding and the mil wasnt welcome, that could not be further from the truth.
I very clearly put in my op here that we intended to cancel/postpone until the in-laws could attend, and my parents told us to do what we wanted to do, and not to put our life on hold simply to please other people.

Yep some mothers-in-law are bad but some are brilliant, so dont be disheartened. Maybe my xmil was very hurt and upset that her first born had the destination wedding and no intention of inviting her, but it was no excuse for her behaviour towards me and my now xh.

Anyway, i have respect for those posting here who state they will not be interferring with their children's wedding plans, if only my mil could have done that. However this is not a mil-bashing thread and i have no intention of bashing my xmil anyway.

Sorry, it wasnt my intent to know the detail:p but to ask that if the boot was on the other foot would you have postponed. I could tell they had been invited but for some reason could not attend. Whatever the reason, if it had been your parents that could not attend would you have gone ahead? If you would, fair enough, if not then I find that very sad. Surely in a union of 2 people both their nearest and dearest should be accommodated?

Whilst responding to this post I am realising that, as the mother of sons, I feel vulnerable to the whims of any future DIL. I willl do all in my power to ensure no future DIL has cause to exclude us, but tbh the bad press MIL'S get on these boards (not specifically this thread) makes me wonder if some girls set out to antagonise and alienate their future MIL. Being honest it frightens me that one of my 4 sons may have to make such a decision to keep the peace.

tori.k

BuddyBonthenet wrote: »

I think some nails have been hit on the head with a lot of the recent posts.

When I hear about people spending £20000+ on their wedding and bride's dresses costing £3000 I think the world has gone mad!

I'm sure the cost of a wedding can be a big factor in deciding to get married abroad!

The 7K we paid for our horrid destination wedding on our own, cost us twice as much then for a small civil wedding and honeymoon i reckon,
the cheaper end of the market for destination weddings (3/4k) are really bad,
hardly YOUR BIG DAY when 6 other couples are getting married at the same time, tho your not really alone if you run off to get hitched....your nearest and dearest may not be with you, but the drunk and the topless holiday makers just love a good wedding....(i know its bitter but i am ) its the one day in your life (hopefully) you cant get back....make it the one you want...

Evie82

We booked a big wedding for May 15th this year, which was what our family wanted.
However we both got so fed up with peoples comments, requests and demands on our big day......... that we moved it forward to Feb this year and told NO ONE till about 2 weeks before.

We only invited people we actually wanted there ( 10 guests in total ) and it was bliss. PLEASE you only do it once and its your day, do it your way! Even if that means upsetting some people, tough! Its your day and they will get over it.

If i was you, i would go with just your hubby and your daughter and have the most magical day!

xxx

zztopgirl

poet123 wrote: »

Sorry, it wasnt my intent to know the detail:p but to ask that if the boot was on the other foot would you have postponed. I could tell they had been invited but for some reason could not attend. Whatever the reason, if it had been your parents that could not attend would you have gone ahead? If you would, fair enough, if not then I find that very sad. Surely in a union of 2 people both their nearest and dearest should be accommodated?

Whilst responding to this post I am realising that, as the mother of sons, I feel vulnerable to the whims of any future DIL. I willl do all in my power to ensure no future DIL has cause to exclude us, but tbh the bad press MIL'S get on these boards (not specifically this thread) makes me wonder if some girls set out to antagonise and alienate their future MIL. Being honest it frightens me that one of my 4 sons may have to make such a decision to keep the peace.

Please dont think that any future dil will be mean, i was kind to my xmil, but for reasons known only to herself, she was nasty to me from the start. I never felt accepted or welcomed into the family, i let her have her interference as she only had sons, but it ended up in a ridiculous situation where she was choosing colour schemes, the actual date, bridesmaids, guests, etc and she wasnt even contributing towards it.

I cant really comment on the what-if scenario with my parents being unable to attend, it was a very emotional (ok, i'll just say it, xh nearly died a few weeks previously, he was in an accident, he just came out of hospital, we didnt know how much longer he'd survive for and all his parents could do was whinge that they had spent all their money on alcohol-my fault apparently, and couldnt afford to travel that far for several months, yet managed to have a very nice holiday a few weeks later and had no interest in seeing or attending to their disabled son. I really do hate talking about this so please no flaming, we may now be getting divorced but i still get very upset about it). I understand too that this may seem extreme, and maybe there are women out there who seek to exclude their mils, but im not one of them.

I never did anything wrong to either of my xmils, i now have the most lovely and caring adopted mil who is my oh's mum, and its so lovely to have that relationship at long last after 2 mils who had absolutely no respect or time for me. I honestly felt bereaved when it became clear how my xmil felt about me. My oh may go round the bend with his mum, call her an old bat etc, he is entitled to do so but its not my place to say anything bad about her, to him or to anyone else, i couldnt anyway, but i think this is something that a lot of people forget. My xh chose to cut off his family eventually and it was his decision entirely.

Maybe some girls do set out to antagonise but tbh i cant even see the point. My oh's previous wives bore unwarranted grudges against their mil, and in turn so did she and rightfully so. Oh actually stopped talking to his mum for several months due to the behaviour of his 2nd wife.

I do hope you have happy relationships with your future dils, as im hoping to have 2 lovely future sons-in-law:eek:

Savvy_Sue

to be fair, it's not necessarily the girl who gets the MIL from hell. Mine is lovely, but OH has drawn the short straw ... and he certainly didn't go out of his way to upset her! :rotfl:

seven-day-weekend

I would be heartbroken if my son got married and cut me out of his wedding. On the other hand, I would want him to have the wedding he wished, but would feel I'd failed because he didn't want me there.

To the OP, get married in a small Registry Office do in the UK with your immediate family present and then travel abroad and do it again with just the three of you.

Bitsy_Beans

Snuggles wrote: »

Sorry Bitsy, not narked at you at all, just trying to explain my viewpoint! I've read my posts back and can't see why you would have taken anything I said personally, but if they have come across differently to how I intended, I apologise.

Perhaps its how I read them with the little voice in my head :eek::D
I suppose since Poet had posted the same as me but you just were aiming your posts at me I was beginning to think I'd got under you skin a little

Anyway I agree in principle to having the wedding you want but when people keeps proclaiming "YOUR day, YOUR way" it just makes me think of a bridezilla
I feel sorry to parents I guess. They can be the bane of your life but most of the time they have your best interests at heart. And then when the first granchild pops out they are then expected to be the doting grandparents. And how hurt are the couple when their own parents have little interest in the grandchildren (and I've seen threads about these such things) and yet it's seen as acceptable to hurt the parents by not even inviting them to the wedding.
I think Seven-day-weekend has the right idea.